To think DH should respect that I don't want to talk about this?

[londonlass87]

DH and I lost a baby around a year ago. It was a very hard and dark time and honestly I think I probably have a bit of PTSD from the whole thing. I have been to counselling.

DH shares a daughter with his ex. His ex has just around a month ago had a baby with her partner. Me and DH do share a child too who is 4.

Anyway DSD is obviously very delighted with new baby at mums. She is 12. She is always sending DH pics of baby, absolutely fine of course.

Except DH always insists on showing me, or talking about all these things DSD is telling him about her new sibling and I just am not interested. I don't want to know. I don't want to spend my evenings talking about the baby. If DSD brings baby up when here then I nod and smile for her sake but I've told DH to stop talking to me about it when she isn't here. I don't want to know.

Aibu? He says he likes talking about it because it's a sibling his dd has that he doesn't really know so bit of a weird situation for him that he likes to talk about sometimes but should he respect the fact I don't want to talk about it?

How insensitive of him 😔

Yes I think he should, and I'm quite surprised that he hasn't actually listened to what you've said and responded accordingly.

Sorry for your loss OP

I'm sorry about your baby too. 💐

He has also a few times invited ex in with baby when she's collected DSD. Sometimes she says no thanks but when she does I just try and make myself scarce I.e. making the brews in the kitchen. I don't want to be involved beyond politeness when DSD talks about it directly to me.

I wish he'd stop asking her in. I know he wants to he involved because it involves DSD. But we never used to invite her in at handover.

It’s tricky because of course dsd wants to talk about it and is excited but inviting in the ex when it hasn’t been the routine is a bit shoving your face in it but dsd can talk to her dad about it, you can’t really tell them not to mention her. You certainly don’t need to listen to it all evening, tho.

@londonlass87 one - massive squishes. 2 well done for putting in a happy face around dsd and her excitement. 3. Your dh is an insensitive dick.

I totally sympathise OP. I lost my first son when he was 3 weeks old and it affected me deeply. Even so many years later seeing wee babies and talking about child birth experiences can trigger the sadness for me. And for you it's still so fresh.
Your DH is being very insensitive if you have told him you don't want to talk about his ex's baby. He should be respecting your wishes over this.

I completely understand. Yes, nodding and smiling at your excited stepdaughter is one thing, I guess you grin and bear it painful though it is, but your partner is being crass and has no excuse. I think you need to say on repeat, “as I said, I’d rather not discuss the baby, it’s too difficult”. Say it every time. If he persists, ignore.

I am so so sorry you lost your baby. That must've been horrendous.

Why on earth he thinks you want to see his ex-girlfriend's baby is beyond me. Can he not see how much you've suffered?

Like it or not the baby is now part of the extended family. The baby is sibling to his daughter so the baby is a big deal. He should be able to discuss this with his life partner and his daughter's sibling should be welcome in his home.
Regardless of your loss, the baby is here, and deserves to be part of the family.
I do hope by referring to 'it' you are not referring to the baby.

OP's feelings in this matter as much as everybody else's. You're being as insensitive as his partner's ex. The baby's hardly going to remember whether he or she was brought into OP's house at such a young age.

I'm with you. It's sad that OP lost her baby, but her DH's ex's baby is a part of the family and she's going to have to deal with that sooner or later.

That's... Weird. How was he about the sad loss of the baby? Does he have some unresolved emotions he's transfering?

It's really difficult because everyone's feelings matter here. You have every right to feel upset. But your husband is coming to terms with a big change in his family dynamics too. No one is right or wrong.

I don't think you can say to your husband that you never want to talk about it at all. Equally he shouldn't be bringing it up all the time without warning. You need to keep talking this through together and find a way to meet in the middle.

YANBU and he is being an insensitive arse. You sound like you’re handling it all admirably, esp around DSD. Massive hugs to you — I’m truly sorry for your loss 💐

So very sorry for your loss OP.

How breathtakingly insensitive of your DH. Truly awful.

Am I the only one thinking OPs DH cooing over his ExW and (presumably) other man's baby is weird? I understand chatting about the half sibling with his daughter, but why carry on if the daughter is not involved in conversation?

I'm with you. It's sad that OP lost her baby, but her DH's ex's baby is a part of the family and she's going to have to deal with that sooner or later.

But this is too soon for the ex to be waving the baby around in front of OP. It's just not necessary this early on. Introducing the baby could (and should, imho) have waited. I'm astonished the ex is being so insensitive knowing what OP has been through.

I thought the exact same thing. I don't see why he needs to have this level of involvement.

Perhaps couples counselling with someone who specialises in this area? Everyone has different coping mechanisms and it's important that he hears you and understands and visa versa

Some are saying the new baby is family. And she is but to DHs daughter, not to all of them. Bizarre.

No, you're not the only one.
Very weird inviting her and the baby in,considering he didn't before.

Hi,
I agree with one and two.
I don't think he's necessarily a dick though. He is also grieving the loss of your child and this is a weird thing for him that he's processing in his own way - it's normal he wants to talk to his partner about it, but you need to get super clear on your boundary that you don't want to and redirect him to his other social networks (if he doesn't have these he needs to make an effort to build them pronto or get a therapist) to talk about his feelings about his daughter getting a half sibling and the baby loss.

DH lost a baby too. Sounds like this is his way of coping, just like yours is to try and avoid the baby.