AIBU to be hurt that my partner is taking Fridays off work, while I take Mondays?

[carlottavaldes]

My partner and I are in ours 40s, childfree by choice, and we both work from home.

I don't work Mondays and haven't for the past 5 years. My partner recently decided that he's also going to go down to 4 days at work - and take Fridays off.

I feel hurt that he didn't decide to also take Mondays, so that we could have an extra day together. I like my Mondays, doing my own thing, so it's not like I'd want us to be joined at the hip, but it would've been nice to have the option of going for lunch together, or going away for the weekend with no pressure to get back before Monday.

He says he chose Fridays because he's going to play golf, on his own, and he doesn't want me to be a "golf widow", but that seems like a non reason, as he wouldn't be playing the entire day.

I know that separateness is as important as togetherness in relationships, and I have my own life, but I still feel hurt that we didn't even discuss which day he'd take off. AIBU?

You've had a day to yourself for the past 5 years, and he's probably seen how much that enhances your life so is doing the same himself. I don't see the problem here - you still have the weekends together and he gets to play golf without impacting your life..

Gently, I think YABU. If you have no kids, presumably you spend lots of the weekend together? I think it’s fine- and if I had no kids I’d LOVE a day just for me! I wouldn’t overthink this one OP.

I think it's fine for him to choose a Friday if that's what suits him. You have weekends and evenings together and presumably he could take a Monday off if you were to go away for the weekend.

It would have been nice if he had talked it through with you first, yes.
I do understand him wanting to go and play golf on a Friday while you're at work though. It does mean you'd actually be spending more time together if he would otherwise have played at the weekend.

I think that's quite logical actually.

I mean, I think any big changes in your life should probably be discussed before they are made, but I think, particularly as you say I like my Mondays, doing my own thing, so it's not like I'd want us to be joined at the hip having different days to do your own thing isn't strange or unreasonable.

YABU. I think it’s quite healthy to have a day of your own to do your own hobbies if you have the luxury to do so and then your weekend can be quality time together

So he takes Monday off, plays golf, and you get pissed off because he isn’t spending time with you, going for lunch, weekends away etc.

he wants to do stuff he won’t do without you, and he wants to do it without feeling guilty that he should be spending your free day together.

seems reasonable to me.

I think YABU. The best thing about 4 days is having a day to yourself.

Hmm I’d love to have my day off by myself.

The other half WFH all the time so my day off doesn’t feel like a day off as I can’t just crank the tunes up and crack on with what I want to be doing.

So I think YABU

I think it sounds great, sorry! I imagine that you are able to spend a lot of time together as it's just the two of you, so some time of your own to pursue your own hobbies separately sounds bliss to me!

Yabu.

I do think it's weird it wasn't mentioned beforehand though, it's the kind of subject DH and I would talk about, not in an asking permission sense but just a life update kind of sense and we like to get the other's opinion on stuff.

It's fine you have Saturday and Sunday together??

Fridays more sensible - gets to chose when to take Bank Holiday time.

Years ago we both worked in various jobs where we both had Sunday and one other day off. We made certain to have different days off. We now both work in, not only, a Monday to Friday job, but education so we both have exactly the same time off. I’d love a day on my own.

he may find it less stressful to take Fridays off as often work is less busy and he will probably find more people to join him to play golf. I used to have a day off and moved it from Monday to Friday as I felt I was starting the week off on the wrong foot. 2 days off together and one to do your own thing sounds ideal!

Oh my...one day a week to yourself, what a rare and wonderful luxury.
Think yabu.

You can go for lunch together on Saturdays and Sundays; and realistically, how often are you likely to take spontaneous long weekends away that one of you using a day of annual leave for it wouldn’t work just as well?

Sometimes it’s just nice to have time - and the house - alone to yourself to do anything you want or nothing in, without having to think about what your partner wants. Its a different dynamic to a day off at the same time. I don’t think it’s wrong of him at all to feel this way. A “discussion” would have been pointless really: you’d have made it clear you wanted him to take Mondays off.

Sounds like a really good idea to me. Not having a day to yourself to just unwind and think probably fucks up a lot of relationships.

Sounds like the perfect set-up to me!

YABU!

Separate days sounds fab. Enjoy the ME time then you'll appreciate each other even more at the weekend.

I'd be SO pissed off if my DH had the same day off as me in that scenario!

Agree. I think it's a good idea. You still have the weekend if you want to do things together.

I'm so envious of both of you! Four days working, two together, one for yourself - how lovely!

If I was in position re feeling jealous, I'd probably want to make sure my day off, was better than his day off though 😉

Absolutely this

I have to admit it’s nice to have a little space sometimes! Nice to have time together but also to potter around on their own. Friday makes sense to take off too. Sounds like a great idea for both of you to have this opportunity.

I have a couple of hours to myself one day a week when DC is in daycare and I’m not working. I really enjoy being alone for a bit (but am usually doing errands for some of it). Understandably some people have personalities where they feel recharged being with people. Not me, but everyone is different so no right or wrong there.