AIBU to be hurt that my partner is taking Fridays off work, while I take Mondays?

[carlottavaldes]

My partner and I are in ours 40s, childfree by choice, and we both work from home.

I don't work Mondays and haven't for the past 5 years. My partner recently decided that he's also going to go down to 4 days at work - and take Fridays off.

I feel hurt that he didn't decide to also take Mondays, so that we could have an extra day together. I like my Mondays, doing my own thing, so it's not like I'd want us to be joined at the hip, but it would've been nice to have the option of going for lunch together, or going away for the weekend with no pressure to get back before Monday.

He says he chose Fridays because he's going to play golf, on his own, and he doesn't want me to be a "golf widow", but that seems like a non reason, as he wouldn't be playing the entire day.

I know that separateness is as important as togetherness in relationships, and I have my own life, but I still feel hurt that we didn't even discuss which day he'd take off. AIBU?

Well, you have no kids, both work at home, so are in each others space a great deal - it’s really healthy he can have his alone day. It will probably help your relationship continue on in a positive vein.

If it was me, I would feel very relieved that his extra workfree day was different from mine. In fact, I would have felt furious and intruded-on if he was suddenly at home on 'my' workfree day.

Your arrangement seems to offer the best of both worlds: two proper weekend days together, and a day each for the 'me myself I' celebrated by Joan Armatrading.

I also wouldn’t choose Monday as my day off because of bank holidays.

I can understand why you’d be hurt. However, it’s still a win - you each get to do what you like in your respective days off.

That's what I thought. How much more in each other's space can you be - BOTH working from home. (Ye gods, how the world has changed since I worked in an office, TG wfh wasn't a thing when my DH was at work 😱 lol (old person's grumble))

Good for him to show that actually HE needs his own space and hobby, just as you've been doing, and you have lunchtimes and breakfast time and dinners and Saturdays and Sundays..so much time to be together

Sounds ideal to me. If you don't have kids, you get 2 days together at the weekend and one each of your own.

I would prefer this, two days together, a day each to do your own thing. Sounds ideal to me.

YABU, It sounds wonderful to have a day that no one is going to intrude upon (even people you like!)

Are you not both off Saturday and Sunday?

This sounds great - you get Saturday and Sunday together, each have a day totally to yourself and 4 days at work.

I think you are being a little bit U :) Did you discuss your Monday off with him?

I have Fridays off and DH doesn't... I'd hate it if he did 🤣

Yes it should have been discussed. However sounds perfect to me, I used to have Friday's, DH had Tuesdays. Then we could each do our own thing. Id have been furious if he'd hijacked my day to myself.

PS, if you want a weekend away, you can always do a 4-day one now and only use one day of holiday each - sounds perfect.

Plus, one other issue with taking Monday as a regular day off is what your contract says about bank holidays. It might be that yours says something different to his. There are four bank holidays in the UK which always take place on a Monday, and only one Friday (Good Friday). So Monday as a regular day off is a little bit worse than Friday for that reason.

God it sounds ideal! Each got a day to yourself, 2 days together at the weekend. Perfect!

Yabu

I think YABU - he'll have 4 days working, 2 weekend days to spend with you, and 1 day to himself (as you've had for the last few years). Seems like a nice balance to me - you'll have the same amount of quality time together as you do now, only he also gets the benefit of a day to himself!

If it was going to be the only day a week you'd see each other I'd say you were right, but you live together, both WFH, don't have kids - presumably you see a LOT of each other and have plenty of quality time whenever you want it, including the evenings and weekends. Let the fella have a day to himself.

YABU & extremely controlling behaviour on your part.

No I’m with you op! Dh works 4 days a week and if I went down to 4 I’d be having the same day as him.

YABU you've enjoyed 5 years of Mondays to yourself. Friday is the superior day to have off and he wants this day to himself guilt free.

Maybe he didn’t mention it to you because he knew what you response would be and he was avoiding an argument

some people like to have time to themselves, it has nothing to do with how they feel about others

don’t over think it and enjoy your days to yourself to do just as you please

YABU.

Separate days sounds totally fine to me. You've had Mondays off to yourself for all these years.

You get one day each to do your own thing, 2 days together and 3 working if you want a weekend away book a holiday.....as most bank holidays are a Monday I'd choose Friday too.

YANBU @carlottavaldes

YANBU @carlottavaldes