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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

engagement ignoral

92 replies

mamechange · 18/11/2024 11:37

AIBU to be a bit pissed off with my sister for not congratulating my son and fiancee on their engagement. Not even a like on facebook or insta. And I picked up my parents who were staying with her that day and said" it will be nice for mum to see the ring and give GS and fiancee ( name) a kiss"". Sis said nothing. Saw them all together again next day , which happened to be the day after my birthday and she said really loudly" no mum it's just a present from you and dad - nothing to do with me" Twice ( my parents are getting pretty deaf but I'm not)
I don't think she likes me does she?

OP posts:
holju · 18/11/2024 11:56

Do you have an otherwise good relationship with your sister? Did you phone her or message her to tell her the news yourself? This really isn't something I could get worked up about.

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/11/2024 12:02

“…and she said really loudly" no mum it's just a present from you and dad - nothing to do with me"

Who bought a present? It wasn’t anything to do with her if your parents or you did, and I wouldn’t want to be tacked on to some joint gift I’d had no part in organising or choosing either.

I don't think she likes me does she?

I’m going to guess there’s already a massive backstory between you and her. My first thought, if somebody hadn’t congratulated one of my family members about an engagement, wouldn’t be that they must dislike me.

Is your DS close to her? If not then I really wouldn’t worry about it, because I doubt he is.

Original poster
mamechange · 20/11/2024 08:47

.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 20/11/2024 08:50

How is your sister generally?

You're taking this as proof that she doesn't like you and maybe it is...but equally her nephew's engagement may not have made a dink in her priorities. Not everyone cares about these things.

VickyEadieofThigh · 20/11/2024 08:51

I don't think I've ever known anyone get engaged - everyone I know just said they were getting married and then did so. Engagement isn't a big deal - getting married IS.

Why do you care about something on behalf of someone else about something that doesn't really mean anything until the actual marriage takes place?

PaulaNMillstoneJennings · 20/11/2024 08:52

mamechange · 20/11/2024 08:47

.

BarbaraHoward · 20/11/2024 08:57

I don't think she likes me does she?

No I don't think so, sorry OP. It's not just the lack of acknowledgement, but how pointed it is. IME the aunties and uncles always show (or at least fake Grin) a bit of joy at an engagement, it's always nice to hear good news.

Is there any back story? Is one of her DC desperate to get married and it's not happening, or getting over a breakup?

ExtraOnions · 20/11/2024 08:58

For the Insta-generation enagements are a big thing … someone in my family had the works, including special engagement photoshoot, and perfect proposal in foreign climbs (all photographed and backlit perfectly of course). It’s all about the show …

It’s all fine, if that’s what you want to do, but you can’t expect everyone else to turn up to your Circus.

It never used to be like this .. first thing I knew about most of my friends was when I got a wedding invite.

Hillrunning · 20/11/2024 09:06

Why does her clarification to your parents about not being part of thw joint gift mean she doesn't like you?

As for the engagement, how do you know she hasn't congratulated the couple privately? You don't need any well wishes, she might have said something to them.

Sounds like your ideas of how you think she should be are not aligned with her own ideas.

slashlover · 20/11/2024 09:15

mamechange · 20/11/2024 08:47

.

What was the point of this when you didn't bother to respond to any of the previous questions?

anythinginapinch · 20/11/2024 09:20

I have no view on the matter but you've made up a new word "ignoral" it's great!

Original poster
mamechange · 20/11/2024 09:26

anythinginapinch · 20/11/2024 09:20

I have no view on the matter but you've made up a new word "ignoral" it's great!

😆😆😆Well that shows the value of my Literature Degree, ( running off to hide)

OP posts:
Threetrees745 · 20/11/2024 09:29

Does she have her own kids OP?

My auntie can be off with me and my mum sometimes but it's because her daughter isn't at the same life stage as me (e.g married, children, job, house) and I think she feels a sadness about that.

Original poster
mamechange · 20/11/2024 09:30

Hillrunning · 20/11/2024 09:06

Why does her clarification to your parents about not being part of thw joint gift mean she doesn't like you?

As for the engagement, how do you know she hasn't congratulated the couple privately? You don't need any well wishes, she might have said something to them.

Sounds like your ideas of how you think she should be are not aligned with her own ideas.

I've asked and she hasn't spoken to them. They said they don't care but I think they do.

OP posts:
Original poster
mamechange · 20/11/2024 09:31

We are a small family . She is the only aunt. Just thought it wa a bit mean as she was angry with me.

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 20/11/2024 09:40

OP, I have sisters. I wouldn't necessarily congratulate my nephews and nieces either. Does your sis spend much time on social media? Sometimes I'm not on there from one month to the next. Does she work? Is she flat out busy? Engagements aren't that important. She'll toast them at the wedding.

It clearly matters a lot to you, but why is it so important. They don't seem to mind.

I think you are adding two and two and getting twenty six.

Lindjam · 20/11/2024 09:43

I think YABU

I adore my siblings and their DC. If one of them got engaged I would congratulate them next time I saw them. I wouldn’t go out of my way to do it.

Whohasnickedthesellotape · 20/11/2024 09:51

If they've only just got engaged maybe she's waiting for the wedding so she can congratulate them then? I have friends who just eloped or have insta-engagements and instaweddings and everything inbetween. Everyones different. Has she actually met them facetoface since the engagement was announced and not said anything? Or are you miffed because she's not sent them a card/gift/SM response?

Not sure why you think it's something to do with how she feels about you - unless there's a huge backstory here!

Original poster
mamechange · 20/11/2024 10:38

There is a backstory but as my DS only aunt I thought she could haven risen above it and just clicked like on fb or insta ( she is regularly on both). That's all just a bit sad. I realise the engaged couple are handling it better than me and I haven't said a word to my sister but it's just so bloody disappointing.

OP posts:
BarbaraHoward · 20/11/2024 10:46

mamechange · 20/11/2024 10:38

There is a backstory but as my DS only aunt I thought she could haven risen above it and just clicked like on fb or insta ( she is regularly on both). That's all just a bit sad. I realise the engaged couple are handling it better than me and I haven't said a word to my sister but it's just so bloody disappointing.

A backstory isn't surprising, but I'm afraid we can't really comment without it (and every chance you would be wise not to share if it's not your own story).

There are after all circumstances where others' happiness can hard to bear.

Original poster
mamechange · 20/11/2024 11:10

anythinginapinch · 20/11/2024 09:20

I have no view on the matter but you've made up a new word "ignoral" it's great!

I'm still giggling about this. It is a great word. I can't even remember what I meant to write!!

OP posts:
LadyGabriella · 20/11/2024 11:13

Engagement is neither here nor there. It’s an intention to marry only. I would be upset if she didn’t congratulate on their wedding.

WinterCrow · 20/11/2024 11:18

mamechange · 20/11/2024 11:10

I'm still giggling about this. It is a great word. I can't even remember what I meant to write!!

Show quote history

It's brilliant. Start a trend!

Decline an invitation = issue a declinal. This could be followed by a change of mindal and an acceptal.

Maybe your sister doesn't feel the need to do acknowledgals?

Caffeineneedednow · 20/11/2024 11:22

I don't think any of my aunts or my uncle congratulated me on my engagement. They did say they were looking forward to the wedding itself when I was discussing plans ect.

I think your overthinking this. Also not taking credit for a gift they had nothing to do with is not a sign of dislike.

NeverHadHaveHas · 20/11/2024 11:35

I’m saying this kindly, but why are you making it about you? It’s your son’s engagement and if he doesn’t mind, I’m not sure why you do?
If you are prone to making things about you or looking for slights against you where there are none, that could be a reason for her distancing herself slightly.