engagement ignoral

[mamechange]

AIBU to be a bit pissed off with my sister for not congratulating my son and fiancee on their engagement. Not even a like on facebook or insta. And I picked up my parents who were staying with her that day and said" it will be nice for mum to see the ring and give GS and fiancee ( name) a kiss"". Sis said nothing. Saw them all together again next day , which happened to be the day after my birthday and she said really loudly" no mum it's just a present from you and dad - nothing to do with me" Twice ( my parents are getting pretty deaf but I'm not)
I don't think she likes me does she?

And we definitely do have engagement parties in the UK although they’re not that common but more often people post it on social media and text others closer to them to let them know and it is expected for people to react /comment.

But again I think the issue here is neither you or your son bothered to tell your aunt directly which IMO is no less unusual or rude than your sister not congratulating him.

If you feel your sister congratulating your son is so important why did you not reach out to her to let her know the happy news?

Instead you/your son were happy just leaving it for her to be informed via a mass announcement on social media and her receiving the news alongside your sons former colleagues/neighbours and other randoms that are likely to be on his social media.

It baffled me too- Not a typo, but a new word! Ignoral.

Sounds like what my Whippet does ,when she deliberately doesn't look at me while I'm eating-but is listening, in the hopes of maybe getting a a bit by being polite.

Pic: ''Ignoral''

So you already know your sister is angry with you about something? If the two of you have fallen out, I can see why that might disrupt her communication with your children, though I think it’s a shame. Seems like the focus should be on why she’s angry with you, though. Not the lack of congratulating your DS which, if you’re right, is just fall out from your relationship having gone sour.

But also, even without the upset between you and her, this may just be a difference in communication norms between the two of you. None of my aunts or uncles congratulated me when I got engaged (neither, I think, did my DH’s), and we didn’t expect it. We didn’t contact them to let them know and didn’t expect them to contact us. They still like us (and our parents), came to our wedding, chat at family gatherings, have entertained our children, etc.

It’s not a UK thing, it’s a MN thing. And probably only a small but highly “vocal” part of MN.

Probably the people who never answer the door, require any phone call to be made by appointment, see no need to reply to texts, view all strangers as suspicious or not quite of their ilk and will ghost and block a friend that displeases them in some way.

The other MNs are intelligent, kind, interesting and delightful 😬

Of course we have engagement parties here in the UK and acknowledge people's engagements. Obviously not everyone has a party, but any normal person would say congratulations upon hearing a close friend or relative got engaged, strange that people are say that we don't.

It used to be normal to actually tell people in person or over the phone.

I still think for something like an engagement you should tell important people in person or over the phone/in a private message, not through a post on your Facebook page which goes out to every Tom, Dick or Harry that you've added over the years, the random you met in a club once, the guy from your first job, the school friend from when you were 8 that you haven't seen in 30 years.

So I would have scrolled past his post and thought " I'm obviously not important enough to be told in person".

Yes, might be a generational difference here. I'd expect a close family member to tell me in person (in person could mean via a personal message or text only for me).

Why not just phone your sister and ask her ?

Yes my aunt went very funny with my mum when I got married as clearly she thought my cousins would marry first. Then a few years later my best pal's aunt acted in a very similar way about her wedding.

Ignoral is a word, I'm confused by the confusion! It means ignoring something on multiple levels or occasions. Which fits with the OP post.

Why do threads like this bring out the posters who always claim to scorn any form of happy announcement or celebration? One has even claimed she’s never actually heard of people announcing an engagement 😂

If I'd had my social media invaded by a filmed fake proposal scenario with all the filters, then I would pointedly absolutely ignore that bollocks 😁

Otherwise, I'd type a quick congrats and ask when the big day will be?
We all know engagements sometimes never end.
I have friends 'engaged' for 35 years now.

I live in UK and I simply don't recognise what other posters are saying about engagements being a non event. All of my nieces who have got engaged have rung me to tell me their happy news, send pics of the ring etc. I don't think engagement parties are a big thing here, but in my experience it is very common to let family know and for people to send a congratulations message or card, even a small gift depending how close you are to the couple.

How exciting but boo that I can't claim ownership. It seems to be an English version of a Latin term. Well there you go!

The facebook post had a picture of the ring and them. It would have taken one second for her to press like. I'd had it with her and when I saw her next I asked why she hadn't congratulated him and she just looked blank. He saw her a week or so later and she mutttered congratulations. I guess you take what you can get. The idea of me not congatulating her daughter ( my niece) is just unfathomable. If mum and dad didn't have dementia they would be furious and sister would never speak to me again. I think I've been pretty chill.

Perhaps your sister felt that if you hadn't bothered to tell her personally about the engagement she didn't want to express any interest in it?

This is one of the weirdest posts I’ve ever read on mumsnet. Do you know anyone at all, socially? The only explanation I can think of for you drawing a total blank on this is that you’re a complete recluse who has no regular interaction with others.