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AIBU?

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Is this homophobic and how to handle

103 replies

Ballardandbosch · 18/11/2024 08:48

My DH and I have a son, a young adult who still lives with. He’s gay. My FIL has previously made inappropriate comments about this to my son. Just after he came out, as a 14 year old, my FIL told him he smelled like a poof. My DH bollocked him at the time. Last night DH was on FaceTime with FIL and he was telling him that he and our son were planning a trip away for the day. FIL pipes up “is it a gay day”. He’s made various little inappropriate comments over the years. He can’t seem to help himself. How would you deal with this. It would obviously be my husband who would address this issue. For background FIL lives 300 miles away from us so we don’t see him that often but he face times my husband every other week. My son says he’s been a rubbish grandad and had shown little interest in him ever really. Just after some advice as to whether this needs addressing further or whether we wait until he says something else. Which he will. He can’t seem to help himself. I’m not sure whether I’m overreacting but it feels like he’s homophobic and doesn’t hide it well.

OP posts:
Thevelvelletes · 18/11/2024 19:05

cookiebee · 18/11/2024 09:19

I’m a gay guy, I’m 42 and this launguge was incredibly common growing up. All that has to be said to FIL when he makes a comment like it again is something along the lines of those who are incredibly homophobic are usually gay themselves and hiding it. There have been scientific studies that have proven this and also I have experienced this out in the wild over the years, many straight people have no idea how many closeted men there are out there, many of which deflect their secret by being ‘ultra straight’ and calling everyone woofters etc, kind of hoped this had changed by now, but some still cling on. Your FIL is probably jealous of your son’s freedoms to be himself.

The man doth protest to much.
That was my take also Fil is closeted gay.
10 to 1 he's on Grindr.

Marabousfy · 18/11/2024 19:36

‘I probably wouldn't have even shared my teenage sons sexuality with a grandfather who barely bothers with him anyway.
It's nobody else's buisness, so how does he even know about it?

well, given it’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about why wouldn’t he tell people?
What about all the ‘ have you got a girlfriend yet?’ Questions … lie? Ignore it?
What about when he gets a boyfriend -pretend they’re just mates? Lie about it?
how about if he gets married? Lie again? Not invite close relatives? have a secret ceremony?

@BefuddledCrumble bad news ,the days of gay people having to hide away to make people like YOU feel
less uncomfortable are long gone.

cookiebee · 18/11/2024 19:38

Thevelvelletes · 18/11/2024 19:05

The man doth protest to much.
That was my take also Fil is closeted gay.
10 to 1 he's on Grindr.

Agreed, so many of them are!

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