To be envious that DH has 3 social meet ups in Dec and I have ...

[VioletSpeedwell]

ZERO!

Excluding mandatory office Xmas lunch and family stuff which we both have.

He's got 3 meals booked with 3 different friendship groups next month (2 all male, one mixed sex).

Is there a disparity between your partner's Christmas social life and yours? And do you care?

Why don’t you go with him?

I have 3. DH has none. Because I work very hard at making friends.
He's happy on his own.

I have a wedding which is more DHs friends than mine. DH is complicated as he's on a 3 week work trip that is more jolly than work going on to mid December. I don't have time for any socialising.

Because I work very hard at making friends.

Me too but don't have much luck. Care to share how you've been successful @Lentilweaver ?

DH on the other hand makes no effort whatsoever!

So arrange something. I am going to the theatre with a friend next week and I am traveling to another part of the country for a weekend before Christmas to see two friends - one for a night out and another one for lunch the next day. All have been arranged by me. If you want to socialise, then find something to do and invite people to join you. That's usually how it works.

Can you organise something got yourself? Could just be a nice pre Christmas lunch with one friend?

I’ve got more on than DH. He doesn’t make much effort with people. Other than his immediate family and seems happy that way. Whereas I need my wider circle.

I have 5 Dh has 4 the 4 for both of us. Through luck and effort we have a lovely local group of friends.

Don't think I'd be welcome in the 2 x all men meet ups.

The mixed sex is a hobby group he's been doing for years.

Why aren’t you going to the mixed one?
Could you arrange one yourself?

Message your friends; organise an Xmas night out, use a WhatsApp survey to find the best date for everyone. Job done.

Oh and anyone who can't make the main date, arrange to see them separately and do something that you'd both enjoy - a lunch/movie/Xmas fair/cocktail making etc.

You need to be proactive with friends and put time and effort into them.

Men in UK are typically bad at friendship so it's good he's getting out. Lots of guys see their social life dwindle to nothing or are completely dependent on their wives and girlfriends keeping things going.

Can you not organise one?
I have..
1 with work
1 with school mums dd1
1 with school mums dd2
1 with hobby 1
1 with hobby 2
1 with main friendship group
1 with neighbours
That's plenty and I don't want any more!

Do you need to go back a step further to see why you don't have any? Are you both getting equal chance to make friends?

I had a long running thread on how to make new friends past 50! I lost a lot of friends in the pandemic, by which I mean people have moved away or got flaky, not died.

I need friends. So I went out and joined a local book club, a film group, and a choir. I found one on Meetup and the others on FB. Plus I volunteer.

I am in London, so it's easier.

Do you belong to any hobby groups?. Book club or language group etc. I have Christmas ‘dos’ with these sort of groups.

Do you have friends? A hobby? Try and arrange something with these people

DH and I have some with joint friends and others with our own friends. Have you not organised any through your hobbies - I’ve one with the gym and another with the running club.

Arrange some?

You need to be proactive with friends and put time and effort into them.

You can do that and still not reap any benefits. Trust me!

I worded my title wrongly tbh. I'm really interested if other couples have a disparity and, if so, does it bother them.

Is it that you don't have many friends/friendship groups to have the social meet ups with over Christmas?
Or you do have the existing friendship groups but haven't been able to arrange anything?

If the former, it maybe a little late for this year but why not use it as your incentive for next year, as pp suggested look at book clubs, hobby groups, social meet ups, walking groups, get involved in the PTA whatever floats your boat.

If the latter - reach out now, see what you can arrange, be proactive in offering dates and events etc.

I have 5 different catch ups planned with different friends btw. My DH has 2-3 he is less bothered than me.

I have about 8 (2 work, 4 friend groups, 2 hobbies and the kids have a couple that I will have to attend)
DH probably has 3. (1 work, 2 same as my friends).
He would hate as many as me. He likes going out but not too much.

I'm sure plenty of people would be envious, the important detail is why? If its because you are expected to be the default parent and DH won't solo parent of an evening you have a problem. If he prevents you going anywhere to make friends you have a problem. If it is nothing to do with him then you can easily change things.

My partner and I have a disparity. He has loads of friends, some from way back st secondary school and some from uni, etc. A few groups. I have no friends from school days and none from uni.

My partner will definitely be invited to at least 2 get togethers, there will be none for me. I mean, they would actually invite me too, but I wouldn't go haha.

Doesn't bother me at all, feel too busy to feel the need! I'm not really that busy, but have chronic illness and need to rest when I can. If I do ever risk getting bored because of no obligations, I have enough I can do on my own to keep me occupied.

Are you me? 😁