To be envious that DH has 3 social meet ups in Dec and I have ...

[VioletSpeedwell]

ZERO!

Excluding mandatory office Xmas lunch and family stuff which we both have.

He's got 3 meals booked with 3 different friendship groups next month (2 all male, one mixed sex).

Is there a disparity between your partner's Christmas social life and yours? And do you care?

I have more planned than DH, but DH tends to see his friends a lot more. If he stops off at the pub on a friday evening, most of his friends will be around for a quick pint, or if we go to the pub together we're likely to see his friends and partners. Where as my groups of friends we have to plan in advance to get together so we make the most of it!

Regardless of Christmas, there's a huge disparity in our social lives. He goes out at least once a week, often more. I probably go out once every few months. He is much more extrovert than me and has a lot more friends than I do. I also feel that like a lot of women during my DC's early years, I put my social life on the back burner and never really recovered it.

@VioletSpeedwell I hear you. I have a small number of friends. All rely on me to do the arranging , and none can make what I have suggested. I find the “ Arrange something” replies a bit flippant , to be honest. Sometimes its just not that simple - I would love it if it were!

Hi op,

I'm exactly the same as you.
Husband has work do, friends and two friends birthdays in December, so pretty much every weekend.

We have two small children and I'm breastfeeding 5 month old. So at the very least might do lunch / coffee with friends where baby will come too.

This is why I do group socialising organised by someone else. My old friends kept cancelling on me. And I always had to do the running.
Therefore, clubs.

I find it very odd that a couple of people are asking why the OP isn’t going to the mixed sex meet up her DH has planned. Why should she? Or is he not entitled to have a separate life if there might be women there?

DH & I both have more than one, he does have more than me but that’s because he has 2 separate friend groups, work & football night out whereas I have more like 1 big friend group, work & running club night out, then we have a night out together with our joint couple friends.

Organise yourself some plans OP.

I don't live in the UK so don't know if culturally things work very differently there but for me if I get introduced to someone at an event & we strike up a conversation & have a great old chat I'll always say something like - it's so great to meet you, we should meet up for a coffee! Let me know the next time you're in town & have the time' and 9 times out of 10 we stay in contact & do meet up and over time many of these people become friends.

I work in the arts so it's naturally very sociable & the people i meet daily in the course of my work are generally very interesting & are involved in interesting projects.

But I have friends from all different areas of my life

Sometimes you just have to be brave & not take it personally if the other person doesn't want to meet

but in December I’ve loads on leaving him pretty much every weekend to parent solo while I’m at various events and nights out

@Fupoffyagrasshole I appreciate you said DH has had lots of times out/away earlier in the year but how do you feel about being out every weekend in the month and leaving your DH and kids to it ? I could be out most weekends with friends but I chose not to as I also want time with DC & DH, even if that is just sofa time with DH and DC are doing their own thing indoors We will all get takeaway.

I find it really hard to balance between seeing friends, spending time with DH & DC, having time to myself and seeing family. It's especially hard with my single friends who want to be out more than I would like to. I cannot keep saying no to them.

DH is much more social than me!

I can't think of a single time either of us have ever had a specific event/gathering for Christmas planned in with our friends (seems like that's unusual from this thread!) like a dinner or whatever, so can't compare for December specifically. But he generally sees people more than I do - I'm a homebody introvert whereas he loves to go to gigs/on walks with his pals as often as possible. Works for us! He does gently encourage me to go and see my friends as I'm liable never to make plans otherwise, which I appreciate.

My DP has more than me. I am rubbish at making friends. I will organise something with one of my closest friends. She is fab at making friends and has a similar number of activities to the PP who had Christmas thing with multiple friendship groups. Her DP does very little but is happy - she feels a bit guilty that he doesn't do as much but it is his choice

Just organise something!

There's a bit of difference between us - we have a shared friends group, then each have our own separate friends too. He is more of an extrovert than me and has more social battery/tolerance of people being around a lot because he grew up in a big family.

I'd say the main difference is that his separate friends he sees as part of big arranged events, whereas mine I see more one-to-one and because they are women with kids, are much harder to meet up with.

He is naturally more social than me but I'm never jealous of it because I spend all day in my job with people, many of whom I like as friends, but it means I often want to sit in silence a lot when I get home!!

We have lots of family things planned. As far as I know DH doesn't have any personal nights out apart from a christmas social in January which I am also going to.
I have a meal out with some colleagues, a work christmas do in Jan, christmas drinks with a friend and me & DD are doing some xmas things like shopping, ice skating etc together that the boys dont want to come along to.

I have a day out with a friend at a Christmas market. DH has a pre-Christmas curry with the lads. We have a Christmas market weekend away together, and our other holiday early Dec coincide with DH's work Xmas do, otherwise he'd be going to that. No work do for me as I WFH and we are scattered all over the country and company won't cover travel costs.

We may both end up having an impromptu pre-Christmas drinks with individual / separate friends as we get more into Dec.

I think I have a few more friends of my own than DH, but we have lots of mutual friends too. I think that'll change when we move permanently to Norway - obviously I'll still have my own friends in the UK, but not to hand sort of thing. Though I have made a few there already. I'm not too worried though, I like going to activities like fencing, writing groups, and craft fairs and find it fairly easy to chat to new people!

I have one Christmas meet up on my own this year, the rest are combined. I think DH has one on his own, but he was uhming and ahhing about it so I'm not sure if he's going. Often we have people here and we host tbh, we're quite lucky to have a big house. Sometimes I'd rather that than traipsing out and having to get back if it's late and cold. 😆

It’s so hard to make and keep friends in middle age. My DP is perfectly happy never socializing, but I’m not!

I have work friends, but where I am people move a lot for jobs so my core friends are all a bit scattered. I also had my DC in my 20s where most of my friends have under 10s. Mine is off at uni and their Christmas commitments are fully booked with kid stuff.

I have some professional Christmas parties though, so I’m looking forward to those!

Sometimes it bothers me, we live where my husband grew up and went to school, even though he moved away for years, so he's got friends from school and family here.

I moved here for work so my family live miles away and are very spread out, my school friends are all spread out too, and University friends.

So he'll have a couple of easy to arrange nights down the pub or meals out - whereas mine with very old friends means a boat or plane trip.

I've got friends from a tennis club I used to be in - with 2 different meet ups, 2 Christmas meet ups with separate bunches of old work colleagues.

But yes, he's got more of a ready made group....

I would say you need to do the arranging. I have lots to look forward to but I've organised most of it. Christmas social for my hobby teammates, lots of festive days out with my family, works Christmas do. My DH has his work Xmas do and not sorted anything else but he will likely have a night out with friends as they tend to organise things last minute.

We also have a couple of nice things planned together with friends.

I have 8 in the diary so far for December. A couple more that are yet to be finalised.

I'm self employed and work alone, but I’ve worked very hard to make lots of friends in the local area. It’s important to me.

DH has 1 - his work do. He’s more than happy with that and doesn’t really ‘get’ friends.

So over Christmas I have
1 x work Xmas dinner
1 x mixed friend group dinner with dh
1 x dinner with 2 good friends
1 x drinks with former work colleague
1 x drink with friend
1 x night away with sisters

Thanks. That makes me feel so much better 😂

Same in our house. DH does have a good friend but he tends to only go out with him if there is no alcohol involved. I have 3 meets up maybe 4 in the next 2 weeks for Christmas. DH has become a homebody I have not and probably never will be. I enjoy socialising to much.

I hear ya @Sidebeforeself !

Join a Meetup group or club run by a extroverted, slightly bossy man or woman. Then just let her do all the organising and turn up. Works for me!
I can't organise any more but am happy to turn up and meet strangers.

I find it difficult to manage time to see my friends, dh out with his friends, we see joint friends, spend time with DC. Me and DH tag each other in the week - we are both out twice a week with own friends on different days, not inc weekends

I find it so hard to make time for everyone