To be envious that DH has 3 social meet ups in Dec and I have ...

[VioletSpeedwell]

ZERO!

Excluding mandatory office Xmas lunch and family stuff which we both have.

He's got 3 meals booked with 3 different friendship groups next month (2 all male, one mixed sex).

Is there a disparity between your partner's Christmas social life and yours? And do you care?

We have a disparity but I'm the one with the far busier social life than dh.

We have mutual friends in a couple of groupingd & we have dinners/ drinks with them which he enjoys.

And he has some friends he meets for coffee the odd time, but to be honest that is very often instigated by me saying 'you haven't seen x or y in ages why don't you go for coffee' and sometimes he'll sort something out after that.

I have a lot of friends of varying levels of closeness & I love seeing them & having great conversations. I'll often instigate a catch up too & I really never worry about things like 'oh I contacted her the last time so I'll wait now as it's her turn. Etc'

I also don't have a friend that I see daily / weekly but I would not like that. My closest & oldest friend lives 3 hours away but we're in contact pretty much every say & I love that.

So over Christmas I have

1 x work Xmas dinner
1 x mixed friend group dinner with dh
1 x dinner with 2 good friends
1 x drinks with former work colleague
1 x drink with friend
1 x night away with sisters

I have far more on than DP but put a lot more effort into maintaining friendships. I have hobbies, do most of the school socialising and make an effort to keep in touch with friends. He has more family than me so will meet them but I do worry thst there will come a time when our kids are grown and he'll be dependent on me for company

There isn't a disparity between us, DH is very happy to have no socialising. Like you I am working really hard to make friends. I am starting to get there I feel. But I haven't been invited (or arranged) anything yet.

I'd be envious if DH had 3. I wouldn't say anything but that'd how I'd feel

I have one gala for a charity I volunteer for, one Christmas dinner with Scouts volunteer family, one dinner out with a friend for my birthday (week before Christmas), and then two family Christmas events (one my family, one DPs).

DP only has the two family events but majority of his friends are in a different part of the country.

I think its very common for men in their 50s to be recluses. Dh actually has more uni and work friends than me but he has let them all slide.
I have found a number of my old friends in their 50s have also become flakey and reclusive, so I now have thrown my energy into making new, more ennthusiastic friends.

I go out a fair bit. DH never really does.
I am not sure it bothers him, but it bothers me because I would love the occasional evening of peace and quiet! I love him and his company but it can feel a little claustrophobic because he is always at home when not at work.

We have a disparity too but dh likes having a few close local friends. I also have this but have also collected a couple from school, a group from university, a v close friend from my first job, a group from my last job and neighbours, my baby yoga group.

Sometimes making lasting friendships can be a lot of luck and sometimes you just can't click with people. One of my ds's class parents made me feel so unwelcome and unsettled as to how i couldn't just fit in. However learning its not a reflection of you and to look elsewhere is important.

Do you wish you had more engagements op? Or are you happy with this?

Yes, we have this disparity as a couple. My husband calls me the social butterfly. Not as much as we've got older but I still do more than him. But he's genuinely unbothered by it all, kind enough to taxi me sometimes. He sees it as an opportunity to eat what he wants, watch what he wants & do what he wants. He's not big on people but will tag along on the odd double/group date. He's quite chatty, people like him but he's just not that interested & comfortable with himself for being that way. We also do a lot together.

This year I have more and DH has none, but mine are half work - my work and social are very interlinked! So, maybe that’s really sad 😄 but I’m happy, it’s a brilliant group of people I would choose for friends anyway. Prior to this year I never had any as didn’t work and all my friends are big ‘family time’ people!

And yes it does bother DH, he’s always inviting people places and up for stuff but other men just seem not to want to do anything! Everyone likes DH, it’s not a DH problem!

There is a disparity with DH and I. He is sociable but can happily pootle about with a lot less contact than me so isn’t bothered.

We have 2 joint things to go to, he has 1 thing to go to without me. I potentially have about 6 things though 2 are always after Christmas. Two are voluntary work things and 4 are hobbies. I am still recovering from awful back issues so may have to miss some unfortunately.

This is life surely

its not a competition

last month my husband was out loads and has a weekend away for brothers bday

stuck home with the kids a lot

but in December I’ve loads on leaving him pretty much every weekend to parent solo while I’m at various events and nights out

other times months go by where one is out loads and the other isn’t or we both don’t go anywhere

keeping score of it all is ridiculous

mate you saying he shouldn’t go to them all because you don’t have anything arranged

I'm really interested if other couples have a disparity and, if so, does it bother them.

I'm the social one in our house— have about four people I see 1-1 for coffee, and maybe four other group meetups in a month I do with hobbies. My partner can go months without catching up with anyone. It's seen as a bit of a problem by both of us, but it's mostly because I've got more energy for it.

Yes I'm the same.

DH is gregarious and keeps up with friends. I really struggle - I am fully aware this is a me issue so I don't need a load of comments telling me so - but basically unless someone is actively contacting me I find it difficult to believe they like me and want to spend time with me. I'm crippled by it. I'm fine with small talk and casual chats but those don't tend to lead to actual friendships.

@Fupoffyagrasshole she's not keeping score, she's just able to count? What a weird take. She's also not said anything about him not going to them all.

We have a disparity, but life has worn me down, and lately I'm past caring. Happy to cosy up in bed with a good book in an evening.

Same! I find it so hard as you get older to get past surface level friendship

I do agree. These groups I have joined are surface level. I have moved around a lot so my school uni friends are scattered.
But better than nothing, and in a way I like talking about books or film more than moaning about our midlife crises.

I don't have a partner. I am lone parent and now DS is old enough to leave home alone I am enjoying resuming my social life.

I don't have a work do because we are an international team.
I do have: book club Xmas gathering, circuits meal/party, running club meal/party, wild swimming gathering, friends gathering.

The 'gathering' ones are very informal & local so won't be a problem if I can't go.

I have very good friends and enjoy spending time with them. I WFH and with it being just me and my 15YO son at home it's important to me to get out.

My ex would have had a works do and then made lots of snide comments about me going out.

What are these hobbies people keep mentioning!!! No one ever says which hobby

Yeah I would say I'm in the same situation. My closest friends live a few hours away so between kids and life the meet ups are few and far between. I think it's down to where I live too, most kid groups I went to had lovely people who I chat to when I see but they all have solid long standing friendship groups and it's hard to try to get closer. I'm going to join a book club after Christmas and joined the gym recently to try to build up even the surface friendships.

We don't have any, thank fuck

My place of work hasn't had one for years (our department is new and don't get invited to other dept)

OH's place now have a summer do instead

Hello me 😀

I have none, due to the fact I have no friends
Tbh DP is the same.

I have way more on than DH.

But that's the classic direction of the disparity isn't it. Also DH is a massive introvert and in the opposite.

This is us too!

Stop being passive and arrange something. Get friends together. Book a table. Go out. Have fun.