To be envious that DH has 3 social meet ups in Dec and I have ...

[VioletSpeedwell]

ZERO!

Excluding mandatory office Xmas lunch and family stuff which we both have.

He's got 3 meals booked with 3 different friendship groups next month (2 all male, one mixed sex).

Is there a disparity between your partner's Christmas social life and yours? And do you care?

There’s some harsh posts here!
I’m like you op, trying to make new friends but it’s hard, there isn’t anyone at work to befriend and our city seems to have very few clubs or meet up groups. I’ve spent the year going to the two clubs I could find but still not made actual friends.

But if you want an evening out surface friends are ok occasionally. Not maybe for a 1 on 1 chat for any length of time but for a group occasion its ok. So a drink with work colleagues or the school mums even if they are just people you say hello to

I was going to say, what was the fucking point of that apart from to make you feel much worse! 😂

I have four - three different group of friends. Partner has two (one of which is with my friends).
Mine - One is dinner and dancing in central London (we all live in outer London now) with my oldest girlfriends - nearly 40years since we all met clubbing;10 of us. Our kids have been brought up together and have their own December get together. Another is bottomless brunch with three school mums; our kids are 25 now and they're still friends too. Third is lunch and a walk with two old colleagues - we worked together for seven years and one is now retired, one is still there and I moved on five years ago.
My divorce was amicable and our joint friends have stayed friends with both of us.
My partners divorce was not and he lost his main friendship group due to his ex's lies (I know they are lies as all came out in court).
Partner has a date with the guys who stuck with him.
He will also come with me to a party on Boxing Day eve with my friends (at a friends house) who have now become his friends too. Same friends as my date one, but the party is partners too, adult children and grandchildren.
My mum always said to me, and I've said the same to my kids 'never give up your friends for a partner as 9/10 times your friends will be there for you more and more often.' She was right and I put a lot of effort into maintaining my friendships. That effort has given me the best friends a woman can have. We've supported each other through divorce, bereavement, addiction, marital affairs, mental illness, physical illness inc cancer, problems with teenagers, elderly parents etc.
I'm obv close to my parents, adult children, my sister and partner but my friends are also extremely important to me.

Oh and partner and me and my adult kids are going to Panto with my elderly parents, my sister, BIL, nephew and wife, neice and husband and my great nieces on 29th which is also my mums 79th birthday.
Partners adult kids and their partners are coming to us on 27th.

To add...I'm sorry that you don't have any socials in Dec but am wondering how you got to be in this position. How did you lose your friends?. I've lost friends over the years, women who were cheating on my male friends.

At least you have work and family social functions. I have no social functions at all - work doesn’t do anything (not allowed by corporate), family all too far away, and no friends nearby either. It’s a rough time of year. Only two days off between now and mid January though, so at least I can mostly ignore it.

This. 2/3 of my social meet-ups were instigated by me and the 3rd technically was now I think about it. Your husband probably has friendships where there is an organiser and they also do all the legwork. If they didn’t, your husband wouldn’t be going out.

Yes there is a difference between us:

We have:

3 x parties for both of us
1 x dh friends drinks
4 x friendship Xmas get togethers for me
1 x hobby group for me
Various dc Xmas parties I will go to
1 x spa day with dds

I have many more friends than dh. So there is a difference. He gets sad sometimes when I am out a lot, like last weekend as he prefers to stay in.

Do you have hobbies op?

after a life of feeling sad about few or zero invites when I wanted to be invited I now find I am annoyed by invites that I don’t want

it’s cold and damp outside, and too lit up and noisy and hiving with people

I’m getting naice food in, random selection of books from charity shop, climbing under a blanket, getting nice and cosy, safe, warm, quiet and not coming out til mid-Jan

<gavel>

I have this in extremis as dh has a job that means a lot of corporate schmoozing in some very nice places ramped up x10 at Christmas, and I'm stuck at home with kids, and a very poorly dog that can't be left really for the next 6 weeks, whilst he recovers from an operation.
My two potential nights out have actually managed to clash, so my work Christmas party has managed to be the same day as my birthday dinner with my friends. So my Christmas nights out now total one. And that's Actually for my birthday.
It sucks and I'm very huffy about it.

Hope your dog makes a good recovery @piscofrisco ♡

Thanks for replies (just catching up).

I'm not without friends, I just don't have group(s) of mutual friends for whom it's taken for granted we'll meet up and go for drinks/a meal over the festive season. DH does!

To be honest though, I'm not really comfortable socially in a group. But this thread has motivated me to "reach out" to a couple of friends and I now have two lunch dates booked for December!

To those who are in a similar boat to me - don't give up hope. And to those who lacked empathy - don't be smug, you don't know what the future holds with friendships.

There is a disparity between us but we are both out a lot in different ways. DH is out a lot but they are all work events. I also have several things but mine are with hobbies/friends outside of work. DH doesn’t do this because his work fills all of his social requirements.

i’ve got 8! I do have lots of groups of friends

OP I'm in the same boat! Dh has 3 December nights out, I have zero! I would usually have a work one but because I'm supply (it's a school), they've said the Xmas do is for permanent staff only this year 🙁

You and I should set up a Billy no mates Xmas night out 😂

Sorry I know you do have friends, I do too, but they will all be booked up. I might try to get a couple to do a festive afternoon tea thing I saw advertised.

My DH usually has several Xmas parties/meets, I usually have zero and we're both very happy with that! I do socialise but more so in the summer- long evenings spent on the beach etc. I prefer informal socialising to parties and events.

I have 1 big night out with all my friends & then quite a few meals with friends and kids too. I like both tbh.

I’m quire fussy who I like as friends so haven’t really met any extra friends along the way.

If any drop off, I might try a hobby!

We're in a similar situation but I don't particularly mind as DH has one annual get together with his friends each year around Christmas whereas I see mine more regularly