To struggle on this salary?

[Unfff]

Or more to the point… think it’s just not worth the hard work anymore?

Had enough. I earn 3,100 a month. My mortgage is 900 and car finance 300. Student loans 300. Nursery is 800 and I get 400 child maintenance. By the time I’ve paid bills… this months heating was 150! Water another 50. Phone bill and Netflix… I’m left with barely anything. My job is really full on and I work late or weekends often… I do t strictly have to but it’s the sort of job where you just do… otherwise things fall apart.

I don’t do expensive things. Can’t actually remember last time I went on holiday! AIBU to find it utterly miserable that taking home this much money means you still can’t just buy a coat or even new jumper etc without having to think twice?!

We're they woven with the manes of unicorns?

Best thing I did when kids were in nursery was ask the bank to let me switch to an interest only mortgage.

meant we were comfortable during those nursery years, and only added a couple of years to the overall term. We’ve remortgaged since so the impact long term was low.

There are three things on your list that should stop / reduce in time. Childcare, student loan and car finance. How long until the first of these happen? Hopefully not too long.

It is the childcare that is really killing you. How long until 30 hours / starting school.

Sometimes you just have to cling on knowing that things will get easier.

And - yes - check out child benefit - your wages imply that you should get it - especially as the allowed earnings is now £60k rather than the £50k that most of us have in our head.

But just cling on. I remember when ds (our second child) started school and we suddenly seemed really rich as our biggest bill just disappeared overnight!

Can't you get a car that you don't have to pay monthly for?

They’d have to have been woven by fucking unicorns…

£3100 a month after tax is massive compared to the average salary, so struggling on this would mean you are overspending somewhere. There is something you have not told us.

Two things jump out:

• Student loan deductions should be coming out of your payslip before you are paid, so I am not sure why you are paying £300 on student loans after you have been paid.

• A £300 monthly car payment is excessive. Buy a second hand car outright for about £5k - £8k. A-segment and B-segment cars are appropriate for the overwhelming majority of people, and if you are driving anything bigger than this, it's wasting money.

As I have said we are lucky that we can afford it… The Tesco shop was picking bits up like washing powder, dishwasher tablets, a couple of bottles of wine.

The bedding was a couple of extra deep fitted sheets and 2x duvet set and pillows from M&S. Nothing extravagant but what we needed.

Car is a Volvo…

Glad your hair and beauty only costs you £120, we live outside London, full head of highlights and a cut is £335 this is the norm.

hair and beauty appointment £350 😆
My hair is £80 for roots + toner with cut and finish and my eyebrow wax is £12
That’s it for me , can’t justify more than that .
And £500 on bedding !

It is shit. Everything costs a fortune and nothing lasts. To the pp wondering why people basically ‘rent’ expensive cars on pips it’s because if they go wrong they cost so much to repair you’re better not owning them. Gone are the days you can tinker with a car on your drive at the weekend, you’re now down at the specialist garage and it’s £100s to diagnose the problem and then £1000s to fix it. Small simple cars might be worth buying still but maybe not if they’re electric as the tech still needs to mature.

Op I had friends putting nursery fees on 0% credit cards to get through this bit and these were highly qualified professional women earning more than the median. It is a really hard time of life to be in.

He is. (£400 contribution to £800 nursery).

He’s just not paying enough to the rest of the costs of raising a child.

The nursery years are shit for money.

I implore you to keep working through this period if you can. You are investing in your future self - building a career which will hopefully pay more over time. Also keeping up with your NI /pension contributions. I know so many women who decided that the 'sums didn't work' and gave up their career. A lot haven't gone back to work or having to start over.

Shouldn't you be getting more from your ex? CM plus half of nursery?

I'd want the unicorn to change the bed and put a wash on too

Well the most expensive fitted sheets at M&S are £63 and if you chose to spend £187 on a duvet set then yes that's extravagant!

I like nice bedding that's cotton and have a super king size bed but you don't need to spend that much

How can 2x duvet covers, pillowcases & sheets x2 = £500 at M&S? I’m baffled!

Unfortunately, the cost of living has far outstripped increases in wages. It's shit. And as a lone parent to a small child, unless you have an extremely well paid job, you're never going to feel well off. It's sad, but it's true.

One of the best things I've ever done is bin off car finance and stick to a fairly basic, older, smaller, car (e.g. I own a 10 year old Skoda outright).

Not only does it save you the finance payment each month but it typically makes insurance cheaper, and things like tyres are cheaper on basic cars. It really has saved me a fortune.

If you haven't got the savings to buy outright then consider downgrading your financed car to a cheaper, no-frills, entry-level vehicle. I don't think there's any on the market that aren't perfectly safe and perfectly decent to drive even on motorways.

I also wonder if your child's other parent is paying enough maintenance (unless they have custody 50pc of the time). If the nursery fees are 800pcm and they're paying £400pcm then that doesn't cover additional costs such as food and clothes.

Regardless, things will get easier as your loan is paid off and your child enters school. These early years are a financial nightmare for most working parents.

The problem is that you are paying for a family on a single person's salary. Things get better once the kids go to school, I promise.

In the meantime you have litttle disposable income for a 5 year span, but you are paying for an education, a car, a house and a pension . These are assets that you will benefit from long after that jumper has been sent to landfill. You are also keeping a career going that will pay you good money for the next 20 years. There's no guarantee you can return if you leave.

Can you sell some clothes you never wear on Vinted to buy a coat? Or find one on there?

Salary might be okish but you’re a single income household, like me, so feels like you should be ok but it doesn’t go far when you’re paying nursery fees and student loans

@TheSpoonyNavyReader Car is a Volvo…

It's always weird how people point out their car brand as though to say it isn't a luxury vehicle.

The brand is irrelevant. An oversized Volvo is still an oversized car.

Sorry, but £150 to fill up the car with petrol? You must be driving something the size of a World War 2 era tank. Why do you need a vehicle that size?

Thing is, though - absolutely EVERYONE feels like this. Everyone.

This is a case of just managing your feelings around it. If you have a house, a car and a child to support, money isn’t infinite. Most of it gets spent on the mundane.

But if you stop working you’ll screw your future self.

How is posting this helpful to the OP?

@Sparsely In the meantime you have litttle disposable income for a 5 year span, but you are paying for an education, a car, a house and a pension . These are assets that you will benefit from long after that jumper has been sent to landfill.

A car is not an "asset."

Cars are disposable tools that depreciate in value over time. This is why spending huge sums of money on a car is illogical.

This.

Single parents have always struggled, always. This isn't a new phenomenon.

If you didn't have a child you'd be doing well and have plenty of disposable income.

However, I can understand you feeling defeated and fed up. Like others have said, it will get much better in time.

The only alternative is to look for another job with similar pay but not as intense? Some work from home element. So it doesn't feel like you are quite as stretched as you are now. Is that possible?

I think @TheSpoonyNavyReader is stealth boasting and inflating a bit.

Volvo ... XC90 has a 71 litre tank. So from on the fumes to full is about £110 max.

Bedding £500 ... if tou buy the very very top of the range .. but why would you.

Some people have more money than sense.

£36k ish though? That’s pretty much the average isn’t it? And I think it’s pretty average to struggle - as in, most people are struggling.

New bedding £500? My duvet cover is £20 from Asda, what the heck are you sleeping on? Maybe I’m too poor to understand