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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ignorant sister.

87 replies

bubblesxx · 17/11/2024 09:56

To sum it up I bend myself backwards to support my sister. She's currently living in temporary accommodation with my nephew and niece after loosing her rental, a nice temporary accommodation she's got her own little lodge, I've emotionally and physically supported her every step of the way, I feed her children, give her money, wash and dry her clothes, anything she needs I'm there, but she's also quite selfish, if you can't do something her attitude changes. Regardless we see and speak daily as our children go to the same school, but on Friday after school pick up for the entire weekend she falls of the end of the earth, I call and she ignores, I message no response, not a message to say she's a little busy nothing at all until the next Monday at school drop off, and I'm beginning to get a little frustrated with it and feel like she only initiates conversation with me when she needs something. She's well aware my life is quite isolating I have 2 neurodivergent children, no car I mostly just spent my time inside and I enjoy small conversations with people throughout the day to feel less alone, am I being unreasonable? I just constantly feel used and then dropped when I'm no longer needed.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 17/11/2024 09:58

Stop being so available. If you feel its all in one direction.

Or ask her on Monday why she hasn't responded.

yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 09:58

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HelenWheels · 17/11/2024 09:59

this sounds one way sadly op

HelenWheels · 17/11/2024 10:00

are you worried?
perhaps her phone has no signal.
you have become her support role but it is not equal

bubblesxx · 17/11/2024 10:03

HelenWheels · 17/11/2024 10:00

are you worried?
perhaps her phone has no signal.
you have become her support role but it is not equal

I'm not worried I know she's okay, I know her and I know when she can't be bothered she just ignores her phone and watches it ring, I've seen her do this many of times, it's just a kick in the teeth considering how much I do for her every single weekend I'm invisible to her

OP posts:
yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 10:04

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yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 10:05

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Anotherworrier · 17/11/2024 10:07

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That’s a bit intrusive when someone doesn’t want to see you.

OP you’re people pleasing. You need to stop.

HelenWheels · 17/11/2024 10:08

you are taking on the parent role

let her stand on her own two feet op

bubblesxx · 17/11/2024 10:09

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Yes she does, weekdays in school times, my partner works and I care for my children who as I said have additional needs.

OP posts:
bubblesxx · 17/11/2024 10:10

HelenWheels · 17/11/2024 10:08

you are taking on the parent role

let her stand on her own two feet op

I dont by choice, she's constantly asking for things and I find it hard to say no

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yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 10:11

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jeaux90 · 17/11/2024 10:12

You are not her parent. Why are you doing so much for her?

Some people find constant communication exhausting. I am ND and I just need to shut myself away at the weekends. Maybe she does too!

yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 10:12

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SlightlyGoneOff · 17/11/2024 10:12

bubblesxx · 17/11/2024 10:10

I dont by choice, she's constantly asking for things and I find it hard to say no

Then the issue is with your people-pleasing. Tell her you’re focusing on your children and your own MH and taking a step back from her.

Cherrysoup · 17/11/2024 10:12

Stop being so available, she’s walking all over you.

Anotherworrier · 17/11/2024 10:13

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So hardly surprising that she may want some space at the weekend then.

bubblesxx · 17/11/2024 10:13

jeaux90 · 17/11/2024 10:12

You are not her parent. Why are you doing so much for her?

Some people find constant communication exhausting. I am ND and I just need to shut myself away at the weekends. Maybe she does too!

Because she's constantly asking for stuff from me, or for me to do things for her and when I don't she gets pissed off, she's ignorant that's what it is, she's not ND I see her use my parents in the exact same way.

OP posts:
yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 10:17

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Snoopdoggydog123 · 17/11/2024 10:17

bubblesxx · 17/11/2024 10:10

I dont by choice, she's constantly asking for things and I find it hard to say no

Then this is a 'you' problem
You may need to find a hobby, or life for yourself at weekends.

While she may be a user, expecting contact with someone every singe day outside of your nuclear family is suffocating.
You say you see her everyday Mon-Fri?
So it would be more than normal to not have contact for 2/7 days.

Maybe socially she's hit her quota of what she can do socialising by Saturday.
Either way. You need to fix you

Screamingabdabz · 17/11/2024 10:17

So the issue isn’t so much your sister, it’s that you can’t say no to her. Work on that.

yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 10:18

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yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 10:19

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ChaosHol1 · 17/11/2024 10:20

Op, I used to have a very similar set up with my sister where I ended up being like her parent. Anything she needed to do she'd ask me to do it, stuff like can you book this for me, order this for me, pick this up for me, give me a loan of money, watch the kids so I can go out, pick the kids up for me im ill.

Then one day I was at home ill and the first thing I EVER asked her to do was drop something in from the shop for me on her way past going home. After three hours (she was going home in about one) I messaged and she said sorry totally forgot. We live 5 min drive from each other and she could of still done it but didn't offer. Since then I just said Im too busy, will need to do it yourself, don't have any spare cash etc. Eventually she has started standing on her own two feet and stopped asking and I can't tell you how less stressed I am and funnily enough I hear from her much less now she's not using me! Please stop allowing her just to use you when she wants to.

Anotherworrier · 17/11/2024 10:20

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I have to say I disagree. She’s an adult, not a teenager. It’s invasive.

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