'That should be fine' instead of 'yes'

[Kendra43]

What is the difference in these two phrases to you?

Lately my partner has been agreeing to do things with the phrase 'that should be fine'. Recently he lets me down after saying this.

It has happened again where we agreed to a plan last week for tomorrow. This morning I clarified if he's still good for tomorrow and he says 'that should be fine'.

Because this is what he says every time he does let me down I'm annoyed. I feel that by not saying 'yes' he is not fully committing to our plans on some level to himself.

AIBU to say this is a phrase non committal people use? Or does it mean the same as 'yes' to you?

It’s not a full yes it leaves room for a margin of doubt, especially if he is using it then backing out then wouldn’t take it as a yes. It’s defo not a committed yes

It means “that’s something that I think will be ok but there’s an element of doubt so I cannot commit for certain.”

If I say this it means I have a slight hesitation and I am mulling something over in my head...but then I communicate those hesitations to my DH well ahead of the time.

Maybe ask him directly what it means when he says this as you have noticed a pattern.

I hate people who do that. I always insist on a proper commitment of a "yes".

I generally say it before I can fully commit to something.

As others have said, it's used as a "I need to think about it or check something before committing" phrase.

I'd pull him up on it and ask why he is using it. Explain it is not the same as yes. The next time he does it say you need a yes or no answer, nothing else.

My husband says ‘your not wrong’ say I’m right then

he also says I’ll do that for you eg the washing . It’s not for ME it’s a family chore that needs doing

@Firawla when he missed the plan last weekend we had an argument. Well, more me saying it isn't on. He apologized and we moved on.

To hear this same phrase AGAIN this week is very annoying for me.

I feel like saying 'so not a yes? Does it depend on something else?'

I feel like we're getting into a dynamic where in haranguing him and I don't want that.

It means "I'm keeping my options open". So presumably in case he doesn't feel like it on the day, or if something better comes up. It's the one thing that drives me mad about DH, he is unwilling to commit to anything. I suggest you push him for a definite Yes and tell him why (I've arranged to meet up, I've bought the tickets, etc.).

Fair enough if there's genuine doubt, but then you need to push back and put it onto the other person to give a firm yes/no answer when they know for certain, preferably with a deadline, rather than leaving it dangling and uncertain.

Then you'll quickly discover if there's genuinely some potential conflicting event they are waiting on confirmation for, or whether they're just not bothered and maybe even waiting for a better option!

I can't stand it. It's arse covering. What use is "should be fine" when trying to plan

I think particularly in the context where he let me down following this phrase last week he should be more concrete as a way to demonstrate intent.

I'll be honest, he's been a wonderful partner until now, and this is making me question things.

I dunno - it just feels disrespectful or something.

He probably doesn't mean it that way.

Why has he cancelled on the plans you asked him to commit to?

He's had an offer of something he'd rather do, or just doesn't want to do them or?

That would be a perfectly reasonable thing to say.

I have family members that say "that should be fine" when they mean yes. I hate it. I'm going to to say something like "ok let when know when you're ready to confirm No or Yes" or next time. I hate "it should be fine" it seems really begrudging or uncertain to me.

@RandomMess he is overloaded at work at the moment. New job and struggling to get to grips with it all.

He wasn't off with someone or doing something else, he just has been caught up with work. But there needs to be balance.

I agree it sounds disrespectful. Like they are saying "uuuuuugh! Ok I suppose!"

I'd just say "do you mean yes, then"? And let him explain. Don't ask any further questions. You aren't haranguing him, he's being a dick.

Yes! Yes, exactly how it feels.

My dad says this it drives me mental as it's not confirming anything or committing to it, but is open to change if they so wish.

It's definitely not a confident phrase.

Ask him when he'll be able to confirm a yes. Then give him a deadline for the yes. Push for that yes. He's giving you workspeak.

DH says this but usually follows up with “I’ll have to check xyz” I never make concrete plans unless I’ve had a definite yes. My dad does the same with “I’m not bothered” when he means no. Again, we always ask directly “Is that a no?”