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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not get my 6 yo's son's hair cut for family wedding to please my mum and dad?

93 replies

jasper · 27/04/2008 20:53

6yo youngest son has long curly hair. It just kind of happened partly because I am so lazy and also because he looks so nice with it long IMHO.

My mum ( who is wonderful) has always hated his long hair and never misses a chance to say so. I just smile amd ignore her.

Today however she took me aside for a proper chat and begged me to get in cut for big family wedding this summer.
I said no. She said she will not go to wedding unless I get it cut. I said don't be daft, of course I won't get it cut for that reason.

She said he (ds) looks ridiculous and everyone in the family thinks so.

I said Really, how interesting. I could not care less. His hair stays long.

She said Everyone thinks he looks like a girl.
I said so What? Everyone thought I loooked like a boy whenI was young.

She said PLEASE cut his hair.It is not normal for a boy to have long flowing hair.
I said I don't care .I like it. Dh likes it, ds likes it .

Every so often I ask him if he wants it cut and he always says no.

Mum says he only says this to please me.

AIBU?

OP posts:
RosaLuxembourg · 27/04/2008 20:58

Never give in to emotional blackmail. It is up to your DS how he has his hair. And absolutely absurd of your mum to suggest not going to the wedding if he doesn't. YANBU at all.

WinkyWinkola · 27/04/2008 20:58

No. YANBU. Absolutely.

Is his hair clean? Is it unkempt? Do you get it trimmed?

It's extremely controlling and childish of your mum to say she won't go to the wedding if you don't cut your son's hair. Can you imagine the reaction when people asked where she was? "Oh, she's not here because I wouldn't cut DS's hair."

What on earth is your mum going to do when in ten years time your DS comes home in whatever weird stuff teenagers will be wearing then? Ban him from the family photos? Take to her bed for the day?

Original poster
jasper · 27/04/2008 20:59

rosa I think she is being absurd and it is SO unlike her to be so. She is normally SO sensible!

OP posts:
peggotty · 27/04/2008 20:59

Why on earth would your mum not go to a wedding because your ds has long hair!?! Ridiculous! YANBU.

WanderingTrolley · 27/04/2008 21:01

Make sure he wears a multi coloured afro wig for the wedding.

You mother is being daft. Tell her you refuse to be seen out with her until she has the hairstyle of your choosing, a mohican.

If you're happy, ds is happy and dh is happy, what's it to do with her?

themildmanneredjanitor · 27/04/2008 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tissy · 27/04/2008 21:04

YANBU

agree with Rosa, ds's hairstyle is up to him. Just don't let ds hear anyone tell him he looks like a girl, or your Mum will get her way.

My Mum threatened to cancel her second wedding if I didn't buy a jacket to go with my very nice, but sleeveless Laura Ashley dress I had bought with the money from my Saturday job.

I was looking at the photos the other day (wedding was 25 yrs ago)....my sister is wearing red jeans...OK she wasn't old enough for a Saturday job, but I distinctly remember my Mum buying them for her! .

Don't give in to emotional blackmail!

Twiglett · 27/04/2008 21:06

I think boys should have short hair

HOWEVER

I also know this is your son and you should do exactly what you want with his hair and tell your mother that's she's being a ridiculous old harriden from hell.

onlygirlinthehouse · 27/04/2008 21:10

it is up to ds how he has his hair, and if he doesnt want it cut dont cut it. all my boys have at one time or another had long hair and it always amazes me how upset it can make other people, some of my closest friend have been seriously disturbed by it which I think is ridiculous, and they have only had their hair cut when they wanted it done.

My 8 yr old is currently the long haired one, and we were in a pub last week when the lady serving us thought he was a girl, he wasnt bothered by it, and nor should you be if anyone thinks your boy looks like a girl.

By the way, their dad is bald so I always say they are getting the benefit of hair now before it disappeares in a few years time!

bozza · 27/04/2008 21:15

Agree with twig.

Original poster
jasper · 27/04/2008 22:08

onlygirl why do you thing it upsets people so much?

Winky hair is clean if unkempt!

OP posts:
moondog · 27/04/2008 22:10

My ds had long curly hair for ages.
I had similar (not from family though) Ignored them all. Your mother is acting like a nutter.

WinkyWinkola · 27/04/2008 22:11

It upsets people because they think boys should have short hair!

madamez · 27/04/2008 22:11

Laugh at your mother. Refuse to take her idiocy seriously, and do as you (and more importantly your DS) see fit. My DS has long-ish hair, too: I cut it a bit shorter a while ago as it was getting in his way and annoying him but wouldn't dream of having it cut because some moron or other got a stick up their arse about it.

PotPourri · 27/04/2008 22:16

YANBU. Ignore her. IF she wants to miss the wedding because your son has long hair, let her - FFS - she needs to get over herself! Her ridiculous decision is NOTHING to do with you.

Personally, I am not that keen on long hair on boys. But a 6 year old can decide for himself, and that is exactly how it should be. Maybe you should talk to DS about it again and ask him what sorts of hairstyles he would fancy when he is older or soemthing - see if he really is just saying he likes it to please you.

Does your DH have long hair? Just out of interest.

Original poster
jasper · 27/04/2008 22:16

Thing is I am genuinely perplexed.

My mum is until now the world's most fab, sensible ( in a good way), sound, unfazed person.

WHAT has got into her???

OP posts:
Original poster
jasper · 27/04/2008 22:17

I did say Look Mum it's long hair. It's not piercings or tattoos

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 27/04/2008 22:17

your boy sounds gorgeous how well you describe his flowing locks dont be bullied ,dont snip it.boys can have long hair- we just have a cultural expectation that it is short (and conversely girls have long hair)

cocosquarepants · 27/04/2008 22:17

Tell her you'll compromise and that he'll wear it in bunches.
YANBU.

ReallyTired · 27/04/2008 22:20

Surely a slight trim to tidy up any split ends would not be a bad thing.

However I think a major restyle is a decision that should be made by you not your mother.

BigBadMouse · 27/04/2008 22:23

YANBU - the emotional blackmail is ridiculous! Hope your mum realises how trivial the issue really is and lets it go.

Really hoping our DS will have hair that can be grown long - I always think it a shame to see really short hair on a young boy.

Original poster
jasper · 27/04/2008 22:26

scottishmummy you are very kind.
Can I let you into a secret seeing as like me you are Scottish?

His hair is not just long and curly.............it's RED!

Okay everybody.

NOW AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
jasper · 27/04/2008 22:27

reallytired there are no split ends and a trim would not satisfy my lovley mum!

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 27/04/2008 22:27

NOPE he is a wee celtic warrior.Dinnae touch they scissors i adore red hair

cocosquarepants · 27/04/2008 22:27

Oh.
It's red.
Well not bunches then, maybe ringlets

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