to not get my 6 yo's son's hair cut for family wedding to please my mum and dad?

[jasper]

6yo youngest son has long curly hair. It just kind of happened partly because I am so lazy and also because he looks so nice with it long IMHO.

My mum ( who is wonderful) has always hated his long hair and never misses a chance to say so. I just smile amd ignore her.

Today however she took me aside for a proper chat and begged me to get in cut for big family wedding this summer.
I said no. She said she will not go to wedding unless I get it cut. I said don't be daft, of course I won't get it cut for that reason.

She said he (ds) looks ridiculous and everyone in the family thinks so.

I said Really, how interesting. I could not care less. His hair stays long.

She said Everyone thinks he looks like a girl.
I said so What? Everyone thought I loooked like a boy whenI was young.

She said PLEASE cut his hair.It is not normal for a boy to have long flowing hair.
I said I don't care .I like it. Dh likes it, ds likes it .

Every so often I ask him if he wants it cut and he always says no.

Mum says he only says this to please me.

AIBU?

Ah, a vegetable grower. That explains it.

He looks like a girl from behind, can't see how it looks on him properly as can't see him head on.

I think it would be good with long layers and shaggy personally, with about 4 inches or so cut off to make more of it, shape wise.

Jasper, I still sigh sometimes over the loss of my dh's beautiful long hair - when we met, his hair was longer than mine. His parents didn't like it, and were quite pleased when he got it cut off in his thirties. He was starting to go grey, and also was going for a particular job where it was thought 'more appropriate' for him to conform.
If your ds is happy with his hair, then I would leave it. He's old enough to make his own decision. I allow my 4-yo dd to decide on long or short hair - it's long at the moment, and she also gets to decide whether she wants a ponytail or pleats or whatever in the morning.

Why not braid it and have it in a queue/clubbed for the wedding, esp if he's going to be in a kilt? That would look very scottish.

My MIL is always on at me to let ds's hair grow and not cut it too short.....I always have it trimmed short just before we see then to wind her up. Just because she likes pudding basin styles on boys.....

I didn't think it was a political statement... I don't want to offend but it often seems to me when I see boys with hair like that, that the mums are doing it for themselves. A bit like those American mums who make their little girls go to beauty pageants. And a bit like me, making my kids have piano lessons because I wished I had when I was little.

Erm, what about the boys who are doing it for themselves? Why do people have to make it about the mums? DS2 started growing his hair in Y4 but then went for a cut because his teacher was making life difficult for him. Once in Y5 (and with a different teacher) he started growing it again and it is now (Y7) half way down his back. It has been trimmed (by me) a couple of times, but it is truly his decision to have it long. Nothing to do with me.

He has been given a hard time about it at secondary school (all boys school) but that seems to have made him more determined to keep it long.

Looking forward to reading the rest of the thread having only read the OP.

YANBU. If your son is happy and you and his father are happy then fine. The only thing to think about is in the family wedding photo he and the rest of your family may be shoved to the back of the photos if they all dislike the long hair that much. Small price to pay imo to not be bullied.

YANBU! I have a 6yo ds with long hair too. We think it looks gorgeous and he wants it long but it does stress out the oldies. He had it cut short once and my mil practically threw a party! He constantly gets mistaken for a girl, but again, only by old folk.
I really hate that 'one style for all' crew cut look that most boys seem to have. Quite often they look like little thugs to me!
Why can't boys have long hair? So long as it's clean and looks nice I think it's fab.

my 18 month old has gorgeous blonde ringlets and i have no intention of cutting his hair for a long time - mainly because i love his curls and everyone who see them says they are lovely and also because i'm worried if i cut it they wont grow back and he'll end up with straight blonde hair like the rest of us.

YANBU - red or not dont cut it!!!!

No, of course YANBU!

My DS is 23 months, has not had a haircut and won't unitl he is 3 and even then he will have the teeniest of trims

He wears a hairband etc. My MIL is getting married in 2 weeks and DS is walking her in with DH - she loves his hair

Orthodox Jewish Boys don't have their haircut until they are three - totally usual to see lovely boys with their hair in bobbles etc

I don't think children should be allowed free rein over their hair styles - DS's long desired look is 'like Steve Irwin'.

It's a good job your mum can't see my ds2's hair. He won't get it cut and I don't pressure him but it is extremely thick and bushy!!!!Last time he had it trimmed about 2 years ago the hairdresser's comment was "he'll not go bald will he"!!!
Ds1 has longish red hair too.
If you and your ds like his hair then leave it but if your mum is otherwise very lovely and this is out of character is it possible she is being pressurised by someone else, another family member for example, to speak to you about it?

lots of great comments here. Thank you all again.

Someone commented it was more about the mum (me)to keep their son's hair long. Can someone explain that statement as I don't understand it.
Thanks.

Should clarify about my mum being sane and lovely -she has banged on incessantly about his hair at every opportunity ( hmm maybe not so sane ) since he was about two . There was an extra spurt of criticism when he started school ( "he'll get teased" - he doesn't)

However the wedding has propelled hings into a whole new dimension!

And I really don't like to see my mum so upset.

Oh that was me Jasper.

I was worried I would offend and I hope I haven't.

What I meant was that usually when I see a boy with long curls they are usually very young (3 or 4) and I don't get the impression that the boy himself has said: "oh please don't cut off my lovely curls." Most boys of under 8 couldn't care less what they look like and will have the hair cut they are told to have. ( My 7 (nearly 8) year old DS doesn't want his hair cut - not because he wants long hair but because he can't be bothered to go to the barbers.) It used to be the tradition that long curls were ok for boys when they were babies. When I see them on boys, say between 2 and 8, I therefore conclude that the mother can't bear to cut them off because it would make her feel sad, or because she enjoys it when people look at her son and say "ooh what beautiful hair." That is what I meant when I said I felt it was more about the mum's feelings than about the child. This view is reinforced by the fact that it always seems to be very attractive hair, usually blond, and sometimes there is also a brother with more commonplace hair, which has been cropped short as it seems to be of no interest.

I am not saying you are like this, and from reading your posts I don't think you are. But people do judge on appearances and that is what I have found myself thinking, and I wonder if that - yes I agree prejudiced - view is what people have been expressing to your mum.

But may I add that I agree she has no right to lay down the law!

Again hope I haven't offended, was just trying to put across another view.

YANBU - and if you give in to blackmail on this, what will be next?!

I think you should have it braided
or cut into a mohican
that'll teach them!

Honestly if my parents said that I would laugh in their faces