Plumber left job half done as had to be home for bedtime

[nextwed14]

So my parents who are in there 80's have been left with no heating or hot water this weekend as the plumber they had had to leave mid job at 530pm as Friday is his day to do "bedtime" - he has left the job half done and can come back on Tuesday (he doesn't work Mondays!) or my parents can find someone else. My dad got quite arsey with him but he said he has to go as his wife will go mad if he isn't home for bathtime as she can't bath both the children on her own. We have been phoning round all evening but we can't find anyone to finish the job - may have someone who can do it tomorrow afternoon.

It seems to be that nowadays mum and dad need to do bedtimes together- why is this? Surely one parent should be able to do it as I did with my kids and my parents did with me. I felt a bit sorry for the plumber as I think he probably did feel guilty but felt obliged to be home in time. Women seem to rely on too much support from their partners these days rather than just getting on with it.

Thoughts? I know I will probably be shot down in flames as mumsnet is very pro dads being very hands on but parents seem less competent in their jobs nowadays because they have so much pressure to be this hands on parent to help their other half.

Equality means the same. the word I assume you are confused with is equitable!

And yes I do apply the word equality as equal as that is what the word means. 50/50 no excuses.

Are you the plumbers wife?

The problem isn't that the plumber is a dad. It's that he's bad at time management. If he thought he couldn't do the job in the time available he could have made a start, and then at least made the water available, before coming back next week. We've all experienced tradespeople coming and going and taking longer than planned. They come and go without AMY reason in most cases. Shared parenting is not the cause of this problem.

No I am a person who understands the difference between equality and equity.

You appear not to and can't appreciate that some parents do attract each others as equals.

If my plumber couldn't finish a job the same day, he'd come back the next day to do it, even if it meant working on a Saturday (which he has).

The only time he hasn't been able to do that was because the boiler failed on Christmas Eve morning, it was under guarantee so he had to get the part he needed direct from the manufacturer and they couldn't despatch it before they shut down for Christmas. We had no central heating or hot water until about January 5th. He lent us several electric heaters for the duration.

We were showering at various friends for nearly 2 weeks!

5:30 is a reasonable time to finish, unless he could have got them up and running in next 30mins. Sounds like he had to be home because his wife needed to be somewhere else and he'd forgotten. She probably works full time too.

That's a lovely story @TotHappy .

I feel the same about my plumber. He was just starting out on his own when he first did a job for me, and I've recommended him to loads of people. He's been in business about 8 years now, and is so busy he can't take on new customers.

That first job was installing a new oven, and he omitted to ask if it was a built in one. When he turned up, he was very apologetic and said he wouldn't be able to do it because he needed a second person to slot it into the oven unit. He looked a bit taken aback when I said I'd help lift it and get it in, but we got it done and he still jokes about me being a plumber's mate.

🤞 this plumbers in the North West.

OP your are mixing up 2 issues here. Firstly, it is seriously out of order the plumber leaving your mum and dad with no hot water or heating for the next few days, especially as the temp is dropping.

Secondly, the reason he gave is not a typical example of the men/women that I know so I don’t believe it to be a nationwide problem.

Did they have heating and hot water before the plumber showed up? He shouldn't be leaving a job half done which puts them in a worse position than they were in before he turned up.

I think plumber and his wife need to be more flexible if they want him to be successful. If she can't manage to bath both kids on her own, then they can do them tomorrow morning. That seems like a better solution than leaving an elderly couple for 4 days with no heating or hot water!

Secondly, the reason he gave is not a typical example of the men/women that I know so I don’t believe it to be a nationwide problem.

Sorry are you saying that couples who share parental responsibilities between them are a problem?

This thread is eye opening!

I am perhaps coming at this from a completely different perspective as a mother to a young child but here goes.

There is one evening a week that is my husband's turn to do bedtime. On this evening I go to a social group. I have done for months, it's helped significantly with my PPD. I wouldn't be able to do the bedtime routine on my own on this evening because it would make me late for my social group. Yes we could (and often do) skip bathtime on this night but it doesn't change the fact that I can't do bedtime alone on a Wednesday night because I have other plans.

Was the plumber unprofessional by leaving two 80 year olds without heating and hot water? Absolutely, but I would say this is due to his poor time management and inexperience.

Hopefully this will be a lesson learnt for the plumber but the underlying misogyny on this thread is horrible to read.

There are a lot of people defending him but I think he made the error when he underestimated the job, and should have stayed to sort it out. I think it is outrageous to leave two elderly people without hot water or heating for four nights/three days.

Alternatively, he should come back on one of his days off - his error, he is the one who should be inconvenienced not them.

I’m saying plumbers leaving people with no hot water or heating isn’t a nationwide problem.

Did the plumber actually assure them the job would be finished and they'd have hot water on the same day? Because every time I've booked a plumber for similar things they've said they hope to get the job completed in one day but there's a massive caveat of how they can't guarantee anything and it might take longer or be more complicated. If he was working until 5.30 it doesn't really matter why he had to leave because that's just his working hours, and it doesn't sound like he could have finished the job if he's stayed another 15 minutes. Good on him for taking equal parenting seriously, though, even if it's a bit irrelevant.

Thanks for all your messages.

They originally had no hot water when they woke up on Wednesday - their normal plumber is unfortunately ill and won't be able to work for a while so I recommended my colleague's nephew. All I knew was that he had worked for a company for several years and was very well thought of - however once his second child was born he didn't like having to be told when to work and if he still worked for this company there was absolutely no way he would have got away with walking off mid job. He likes to pick and choose when he works and he only works 8-530pm 4 days a week and never a weekend or after 530 because his kids are more important then work - and yes I get that - a great attitude for a young man but there is also morals here that if you are in the middle of a job you don't just walk out. Apparently he is struggling to get or maintain clients because he isn't flexible. He turned off their heating to sort the water out and it likes look he has made the problem worse now as he couldn't then get the heating to work and he still didn't fix the hot water issue. My parents stayed at my sisters last night and we do have someone coming this afternoon.

This situation though has got me and my parents thinking about how parents (not just dads) feel so pressured to maybe share the load that they aren't maybe giving their jobs or careers the time and work that they should. Sorry but generally people have to work and rarely are both parents able to be home at the same time - unless both parents don't work for whatever reason. I just think that any parent mum or dad should be capable of being able to do the night time routine alone.

My friend works in the city and she is often still in the office at 8pm - if she can she gets home for bath/bed but if she is in the middle of a meeting with a client she can't just say I need to get home for bathtime. If you work in a shop 9-530pm that is completely different but if you work with the public and have clients and if you want to build up a client base to be able to provide for your children sometimes you have to work a bit longer than you would perhaps like. I think that the young parents of today maybe don't give as much to their jobs because there is always the family pressures - 20 years ago I am sure there was more productivity within the trade sectors because there wasn't this pressure to share the family load.

He shouldn’t have started what he couldn’t finish and I wouldn’t be happy about that either…

But YABVU to witter on about people relying too much on their partner when they should just get on with it. You have no idea their family set up and it’s not your place to judge it.

Sometimes I have to drop what I’m doing and do something for my family because DH can’t, I cancel plans etc… People get arsey and the amount of times I hear “why on earth can’t he do that?” and soon wind their neck in when I tell them he only has one arm.

Absolutely! His wife probably very capable of managing bath time and bedtime by herself but has a reason she can’t.

Going straight to the presumption she’s some sort of pathetic little woman who can’t cope herself with a simple thing, also perfectly reasonable of course 😉

(@KeenCat having a structured social activity also massively helped with my PPD, as did going back to work actually! Hope you really enjoy your evenings “off” bath time xxx)

He shouldn't have bloody started the job then should he.

@nextwed14 if you knew all of this about the plumber (not working past 5:30pm or on weekends) beforehand why on earth did you recommend him to your parents? You said he's lost clients due to his inflexibility so YABU to have assumed he would bend his rules specifically for your parents.

@Aoibheanni I went back to work when he turned one. Thankfully the large organisation I work for understands that whilst I work hard, family comes first. I am in a leadership position, and take the same approach with my own team. My previous organisation was the same, thankfully.

Not all jobs can be completed in a working day.

op I agree with you and in my eyes this is absolutely ridiculous
and people wonder why their household income is low. Put the kids to bed yourself and let him get on with work ffs!! It’s not hard to bath two kids.
also leaving a job half done from Friday to Tuesday is so shit and unprofessional

But if he didn't have to leave for bathtime it was possible.

I think wider discussion around younger people's work ethic (and not saying there isn't potentially something in that) / how parents split tasks aside, it was hugely unprofessional of him. As a self employed person just starting out with his business, I imagine he will rapidly find out that he's not going to be terribly successful with the approach he's currently taking. Is there scope to not pay him? I would certainly be looking to (a) not pay him anything as he didn't complete any job and worse left them completely in the lurch going into the weekend (would have been better if he just said he couldn't do the job so they could get someone else) and (b) either way would be leaving an extremely negative review.

In your wider point - maybe. I think it depends on the job. I do think it's good to have boundaries but that shouldn't stretch to being unprofessional and leaving people in the lurch. There's a partner in my team who is often unavailable during the day because he's helping with childcare stuff / doing domestic stuff eg has to deal with the plumber coming round etc - his wife is a SAHM, so I do think wtf, can she not deal with that because you're currently supposed to be at work, and you're then making junior colleagues' lives harder because you only get back to them with responses to questions very late at night (so meaning we all have to work v late / stuff becomes v urgent) instead of responding in a timely manner during the normal working day.

So you are annoyed that we have evolved to a species that recognises equality and work life balance is key to living well.

Your attitude towards parenting is exactly why so many parents are running themselves into the ground. No job no task subject to a surgeon is not manageable with set hours. And fair play to him because the more we see if this the more likely women will embrace the trades.

Ideally he would be in a bigger organisation that has shifts. Making this more palatable.

Jeff Bezos? Is that you?