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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you were absolutely flat broke in this situation, how would you make money?

559 replies

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 17:32

Some context - single mum of 3 teenagers. Qualfied as a nurse a year ago, so on the lowest increment for band 5 pay. i work all night plus extra bank shifts to maximise my income with enhancements. Moving up pay scales/banding is impossible at the minute. The extra shifts means my UC entitlement is 0 most months. I get CB for 2/3 of the children. Eldest has autism and whilst he works, he doesnt earn enough to be contributing anything substantial to the household. Ex gave up working and claims benefits, i get the standard £29 a month deduction from his benefits via CMS, he hasnt seen the children in over a decade so doesnt contribute anything further. I dont drive and theres no public transport running at a time that i can get to work, so i have to pay for taxis which are expensive but i have no other options. Its a 2 hour walk before/after 13 hours shifts and i usually do 4 or 5 in a week, im so exhausted i cant do this walk on top of my very busy active shift. We live in a rented house, which is a reasonable rent for the area, but still expensive. 1 child in school who can walk, 1 child in college who cant walk as its too far so i have to ay transport costs for them. I have some "unnecessary" outgoings, gaming subscriptions and streaming services, however my children are home alone 4 or 5 nights a week so they need something to keep them occupied as i dislike them going out and about whilst im at work, as i work in a very busy A&E department, im not easily contactable and like to know they are safe. I have some small debts im paying off from when i was a student and really struggled to get by.

Every month i run i out of money, its just impossible. I cant work more, i cant see where i can reduce out goings. I cant get a third job (my substantial and bank are two different contracts). I cant afford christmas, which i know isnt the be all and end all. But, when i was a student i promised my children a better future when i was stressed writing assignments doing placements and missing important events. But its not gotten better. Infact im worse off each month now than i was when studying. The recent NHS payrise left me worse off, as it bumped me into the next pension bracket, so the little i got backdated last pay, i now owe in pension arrears from April when the pay rise was back dated to. This amount is more than i received in back pay last month.

Life is just impossible. I cant give my children any standard of living, despite working my arse off to improve my career and do as many shifts a week as i am physically able to do.

What would you do? Genuinely? My only potential plan at the minute is the WFH pip assessor roles, its the same money im on now, but no travel costs. Keep my bank job to pick up an extra weeked shift each week. But its a job role i struggle with morally, and i would lose the patient contact element of my job for the most part. And A&E was my dream job, i love it, and the experience is vital for my future career aspirations.

OP posts:
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Octavia64 · 15/11/2024 18:12

I would -

Look into lift shares. Cheaper than taxis. Your hospital may have a noticeboard or similar?

I worked in a school and we'd sometimes get all staff emails asking about lift shares.

The college aged kid can be encouraged to get a Saturday job. Tell him it's good working experience. Then he can pay for his own busses and gaming.

With one in work and one at part time job age I do think you could at least suggest splitting the subscriptions three ways.

Frowningprovidence · 15/11/2024 18:12

It sounds exhausting and I can not imagine cycling for an hour after a 13 hour A&E shift.

I am also of the opinion that you should reduce nursing hours (enough to keep job open and professional reward/prosoecfs) and see if there is a higher paid job you could do at home or closer for the other hours.

Kneebonefuture · 15/11/2024 18:12

BackinBlack24 · 15/11/2024 17:47

Etsy is great you can create digital downloads using canva it will take time to take off I do nothing with mine just listed 30 - 40 items that's I know will sell , did my research on what's popular I doesn't make much as I don't put any work into right now maybe £100 a month but for something I literally don't have to do anything with after I set it all up I'm ok with it . There's also the option to do drop shipping using printful or similar which would earn more money but you would have to put more time into it as customers would be contacting you or if a parcel goes missing etc . But worth looking into its very easy

Hi. Not wanting to steal ideas but would you be willing to tell me more about the etsy downloads please? Sounds interesting

Dishwashersaurous · 15/11/2024 18:13

This is the worst possible point. You've done amazing to qualify, but you are just in the new job.

As you move up the bands, you will earn more. As the teenagers become adults they will get jobs and pay their own way.

Kneebonefuture · 15/11/2024 18:13

Its not going to be sorted before xmas, however I vote botox and lip fillers. The girl I used to go to was also a paramedic and most people chose her over someone else locally.

Singleandproud · 15/11/2024 18:13

In terms of pension can you drop down so you put 50% in instead, my work do this and it's popular with people paying high childcare costs etc

Tel12 · 15/11/2024 18:14

Eldest child must contribute more. Can you pick me up odd shifts in care homes that require nursing staff? You'd possibly get a better rate.

MessyNeate · 15/11/2024 18:16

Opt out of pension for a year or so, I did this and it helped massively

mossylog · 15/11/2024 18:16

My back of the envelope calculation puts those taxis at least £100 a week (assuming about six mile drive twice a day, five days a week), so of true them pretty much any alternative arrangement would pay itself back very quickly.

If you've got a job for life as a nurse, would it be worth moving closer to the hospital?

Shinyandnew1 · 15/11/2024 18:16

Your hands are tied by the distance you live from work and the fact you can’t drive.

How much are you taking home a month and how much are you spending a month on taxis? That’s your problem.

If you can’t move house, can you move job/hospital?

I would ask at work about lift shares.

Destiny123 · 15/11/2024 18:16

Def get a bike or move closer. Buy a crap ideally slightly rusty one on Facebook for sub 50quid as I'm a Dr and had sooo many bikes nicked from hospitals

I love finances happy to g through if u want for advice. Chase bank pays 1% on all spends. Top cashback for any purchases esp insurance ad gas/electric

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 18:17

Singleandproud · 15/11/2024 18:13

In terms of pension can you drop down so you put 50% in instead, my work do this and it's popular with people paying high childcare costs etc

NHS pension isnt contribution based, its a scheme you pay into to be a member of, the % you pay to be a member isnt negotiable. And since i qualified later in life, opting out isnt sensible, i need to pay into it to have any quality of life once i reach retirement age, given i own no property and dont have any savings.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 15/11/2024 18:18

Only Fans?

babyproblems · 15/11/2024 18:18

Honestly I think I’d look for another job. I’m sure you love it but honestly it’s too much a commute, ridiculous hours and crap pay. I agree with you that WFH and even just regular hours would be so so much easier than what you’re currently doing. And if you can work regular hours you could maybe consider some other part time work if necessary once you’ve got your mojo back. Wishing you lots of luck. Don’t martyr yourself working like a dog for crap pay and conditions. I’m sure you are doing it for the right reasons but you’ve got to put yourself first! X

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 18:19

ginasevern · 15/11/2024 18:18

Only Fans?

HA! no one wants to see my mid 40s slightly overweight saggy body

OP posts:
Destiny123 · 15/11/2024 18:19

Frowningprovidence · 15/11/2024 18:12

It sounds exhausting and I can not imagine cycling for an hour after a 13 hour A&E shift.

I am also of the opinion that you should reduce nursing hours (enough to keep job open and professional reward/prosoecfs) and see if there is a higher paid job you could do at home or closer for the other hours.

Its actually great, i do it all the time as a dr... calms Yr brain helps u mentally detach from the stress of work and I use it as free exercise

TheBunyip · 15/11/2024 18:19

chickennoodless · 15/11/2024 18:07

I can’t believe we all live in a country who does this to their nurses, no ideas for you sorry. Just wanted to say you deserve better.

Ain't this the truth. i'm so sorry OP that you are doing everything we're told is right yet you're still in this position

cancelling the subscriptions will probably save about £20 a month. her children deserve to have access to the same tv shows and games as their friends. saving a few quid on this isn't going to solve the problem.

could you ride a moped - i know you have the initial costs and then insurance etc, i've no idea of the costs involved but better than a bike and cheaper than a car / taxi?

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 18:21

Kneebonefuture · 15/11/2024 18:13

Its not going to be sorted before xmas, however I vote botox and lip fillers. The girl I used to go to was also a paramedic and most people chose her over someone else locally.

Edited

The training is £1000+, and i reckon around 70% of the (younger child free) nurses i qualified with are doing this, i get an invite to an aesthetics by X facebook or instagram page from some at uni almost weekly. Same for eyelashes and brows.

OP posts:
HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 15/11/2024 18:22

Is your employment permanent F/T? if so I’d be looking to move closer to your work even if it’s in the middle, that way you could walk/bike to work as could the teens.

Lilactimes · 15/11/2024 18:22

Thank you for all you do as a nurse - you sound an amazing mum too.
i think it would be so sad if you had to give up a job you love and one that’s so important to society.
I hope you find a solution - pension holiday or reduction just whilst you get on your feet could be useful??
Im sure you are a huge inspiration to your DCs too.

Cakeandusername · 15/11/2024 18:22

Is eldest definitely not entitled to pip? If he’s autistic and limited working capacity he may qualify.
Any assistance at college with travel costs? Dc’s school had bursaries for low income students.
How old are your eldest two.

Frowningprovidence · 15/11/2024 18:23

Destiny123 · 15/11/2024 18:19

Its actually great, i do it all the time as a dr... calms Yr brain helps u mentally detach from the stress of work and I use it as free exercise

Hats off to you.

I'd struggle with the energy to be a single mum if 3, one with autusm and a full time nursing job anyway!

Sycamoretree4 · 15/11/2024 18:23

You can opt out of the NHS pension.

Can you go part time and maximise UC?

Not sure I would jump into PIP assessor now with the way the labour Government are culling things. I think PIP will be soon changed a lot as it is unsustainable given the increase in PIP claims post pandemic.

Probablyshouldntsay · 15/11/2024 18:24

Moped might be your best bet OP. Have you done a really forensic budget on exactly where you’ve spent money this month?
for the first time in my life I’m having to do this (same salary as you) and it is very disheartening

Cakeandusername · 15/11/2024 18:26

If your oldest are 16 plus then try McDonalds. Lots of teens with autism work at branch my dc does. Pays well and they get a free meal on shift plus an app with heavily discounted food and free food. The teenage lads make full use of it.

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