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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you were absolutely flat broke in this situation, how would you make money?

559 replies

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 17:32

Some context - single mum of 3 teenagers. Qualfied as a nurse a year ago, so on the lowest increment for band 5 pay. i work all night plus extra bank shifts to maximise my income with enhancements. Moving up pay scales/banding is impossible at the minute. The extra shifts means my UC entitlement is 0 most months. I get CB for 2/3 of the children. Eldest has autism and whilst he works, he doesnt earn enough to be contributing anything substantial to the household. Ex gave up working and claims benefits, i get the standard £29 a month deduction from his benefits via CMS, he hasnt seen the children in over a decade so doesnt contribute anything further. I dont drive and theres no public transport running at a time that i can get to work, so i have to pay for taxis which are expensive but i have no other options. Its a 2 hour walk before/after 13 hours shifts and i usually do 4 or 5 in a week, im so exhausted i cant do this walk on top of my very busy active shift. We live in a rented house, which is a reasonable rent for the area, but still expensive. 1 child in school who can walk, 1 child in college who cant walk as its too far so i have to ay transport costs for them. I have some "unnecessary" outgoings, gaming subscriptions and streaming services, however my children are home alone 4 or 5 nights a week so they need something to keep them occupied as i dislike them going out and about whilst im at work, as i work in a very busy A&E department, im not easily contactable and like to know they are safe. I have some small debts im paying off from when i was a student and really struggled to get by.

Every month i run i out of money, its just impossible. I cant work more, i cant see where i can reduce out goings. I cant get a third job (my substantial and bank are two different contracts). I cant afford christmas, which i know isnt the be all and end all. But, when i was a student i promised my children a better future when i was stressed writing assignments doing placements and missing important events. But its not gotten better. Infact im worse off each month now than i was when studying. The recent NHS payrise left me worse off, as it bumped me into the next pension bracket, so the little i got backdated last pay, i now owe in pension arrears from April when the pay rise was back dated to. This amount is more than i received in back pay last month.

Life is just impossible. I cant give my children any standard of living, despite working my arse off to improve my career and do as many shifts a week as i am physically able to do.

What would you do? Genuinely? My only potential plan at the minute is the WFH pip assessor roles, its the same money im on now, but no travel costs. Keep my bank job to pick up an extra weeked shift each week. But its a job role i struggle with morally, and i would lose the patient contact element of my job for the most part. And A&E was my dream job, i love it, and the experience is vital for my future career aspirations.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Ahhhbeee · 18/11/2024 05:33

Hey Op, I really feel for you. I'm a health worker too and have been in a similar situation.
With hospitals out of reach for public transport for the shift times. I did eventually get a bike, and know the exhaustion of cycling at the end of a 13 hour shift. But for me the uphill route was the way there. So it was (mostly) easy going downhill at the end of the day. Plus I didn't have kids to get home to.
But it was so rough. I was ONLY able to get through it psychologically because I knew it was temporary. And because without kids I could sleep a lot when my legs weren't yet used to the uphill push. And I didn't have to get home for anyone so could walk the bits my legs weren't yet strong enough to cycle-until they were.
I know that's not the case for you. Pay from promotions will only be incremental until you get to band 7 and won't feel survivable until then. And we know there are only so many band 7 posts! Not everyone can do it!
I would suggest that unless you can't drive for medical reasons, try to prioritise learning to drive. Many instructors will agree to start your lesson at home/work. So you wouldn't end up paying the taxi cost for that shift. It will cost more at first, but once you have your license most nhs trusts have lease car schemes that are about 150-200 per month from your paycheck. Which will be cheaper than paying for taxis 10 or 12 times per week.
I know many driving instructors have waiting lists so ask colleagues. Nurses and doctors will have been learning to drive-especially foundation doctors, and they may be able to refer you to someone who understands hospital working hours.
Also, you probably do this already, but check your kids are sharing their subscriptions and its only 1 per household rather than 1 each
Also go to HR at your workplace and talk to them about the costs of getting to work and see if they have any car ride schemes set up. Your nurse manager is less likely to know than HR about the available options. They may, (especially if told you may have to leave your job, and if the department is generally short staffed OR if medically you cant learn to drive) adjust your start and finish times so public transport becomes an option.speak to them about flexible working for parents.
I'd also suggest writing to your local mp about the difficulties of getting to work on time due to a lack of public transport for your start time. Many people in power are totally unaware of these types of barriers people face in getting to work.
You can find your Mp here. They may or may not care but they should at least write back. And at best they may be able to push for a local scheme for hospital workers to get to shift on time to open up.
https://www.parliament.uk/get-involved/contact-an-mp-or-lord/contact-your-mp/
.
And what do you do about lunches and dinners? Hospital food is generally crap and/or expensive. A&e rarely has food for patients never mind staff. If you and your kids get convenience food a lot (school, college or work) then it may be cheaper to work one less shift at work a week (after tax and pension has been taken out) to prepare all your food for the week. You might even be able to do this with your kids and teach them that life skill as well as getting to spend more time with them.
For Christmas, use Martin Lewis tips to try to get a cheaper Christmas and deals on it.
Plus make sure you're claiming your tax back from hmrc. Most trusts mess up your pay slips. Nhs trusts are notorious for it. This website provides some pretty good money tips. Mostly for doctors but also for nurses.
https://www.medicsmoney.co.uk/nurses/

And I'm sorry there is nothing in this list that doesn't involve you having to DO things when you're likely so stressed, stretched and tired out of your mind.
You're doing your best in a bad cost of living situation. Thank you for being passionate about your job, and caring about those kids. You're struggling, but doing 2 vital roles at the same time. Thank you.

The Medics Money GP Partnership Programme

The Medics’ Money New to GP Partnership Course is run for GP Partners by GP Partners.

https://www.medicsmoney.co.uk/nurses

Ahhhbeee · 18/11/2024 05:41

Oh forgot to mention. Could also consider getting a scooter license. You can get a provisional motorbike license for a few hundred and scooters are generally cheaper to run than a car!
May also be a christmas present option for any 17 year olds?

joles12 · 18/11/2024 07:06

OP worth checking if you or your children have anything you could sell on Vinted , people buy all sorts of things that you might have at the back of your cupboard, children have under their beds, its really surprising what sells.

Biddie191 · 18/11/2024 11:03

Apologies, I haven't read the whole thread, but if you can find any way of lift sharing, electric bike, motor scooter etc, do it, and any money you can save on taxi's, try to get some driving lessons. It will of course increase your outgoings short term, lessons aren't cheap, but being able to drive will open up a whole new load of job opportunities, will save you money on transport, and just give all of you so much more freedom.
When my daughter was learning, her instructor would pick her up from school / work, and she'd end her lesson at home, so it would slightly offset your taxi costs if you could find an instructor willing to do that.

CRCGran · 18/11/2024 11:17

I'd try and reduce costs in food shopping. More pasta dishes with simple but nutritional sauces are a good cost cutting plan. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with supermarket own brands for most things. I happily look for the cheaper alternative. And selling things on online sites like vinted is a good idea as previously suggested. My son and DIL do that to get extra money to buy things for their house. Kids outgrown clothes ... coat not worn for long time... handbag never used... I wish you well, and well done for your achievements. You're a great mother and provider for your kids.

pumpkinpillow · 18/11/2024 11:18

Biddie191 · 18/11/2024 11:03

Apologies, I haven't read the whole thread, but if you can find any way of lift sharing, electric bike, motor scooter etc, do it, and any money you can save on taxi's, try to get some driving lessons. It will of course increase your outgoings short term, lessons aren't cheap, but being able to drive will open up a whole new load of job opportunities, will save you money on transport, and just give all of you so much more freedom.
When my daughter was learning, her instructor would pick her up from school / work, and she'd end her lesson at home, so it would slightly offset your taxi costs if you could find an instructor willing to do that.

Don't you think after 22 pages of posts these things might have been suggested?

Biddie191 · 18/11/2024 11:53

pumpkinpillow · 18/11/2024 11:18

Don't you think after 22 pages of posts these things might have been suggested?

Probably, but don't always have time to RTWT, and if not..... Especially the bit about driving instructors picking you up from work, I'd never thought of it before.

Makingchocolatecake · 18/11/2024 17:54

PrincessofWells · 15/11/2024 17:38

Buy a bike for the travel. There are quite a few brand new mountain bikes from around £85. Or second hand.

Yes this, or an e bike/e scooter. Any one you can car share with? Stop the gaming subscriptions, buy second hand games then trade back. Depending on the age of your kids they could get part time jobs to buy better games.

pippitypoppitypoo · 18/11/2024 18:26

On the driving instructor suggestions, OP has already said she has a licence....

Arran2024 · 19/11/2024 12:54

Blueroses99 · 17/11/2024 12:12

OP has answered this. Also as he is over 18, it’s up to him to claim and his money, not OPs or household money.

OP I think you have clearly thought things through and set up your job and home life to suit the needs of your family. I’m sorry that you are struggling so much but it sounds like things will get better as you move up the ranks at work and as the children get more independent. It sounds like you’ll see the kids less if you worked the day shift, as well as (presumably) earning less, and it’s great to be in a ‘dream job’ with good promotion prospects. Your taxi costs don’t seem too high to me as it’s around the same as my monthly costs on public transport for 12 miles each way - but if you can cut costs with a moped, and you are comfortable doing this, good for you!

As someone who has spent half the night in A&E with a parent, can I also say thank you for what you do.

If he gets PIP, he would have a bigger pot to contribute to the family budget from. He could at least fund his own Netflix subscription!

stressedoutstudent · 19/11/2024 15:47

Arran2024 · 19/11/2024 12:54

If he gets PIP, he would have a bigger pot to contribute to the family budget from. He could at least fund his own Netflix subscription!

I dont fund subscriptions for my eldest. He funds his own online gaming and streaming already.

Again he does contribute, but hes not here to take on responsibility for younger siblings just because they grew up in a household with a truly lone parent. Its not his job, its not his role. Does he not deserve the same opputunities and the same treatment as those who come from 2 working parent households? If he claimed PIP, it would be his income, to support him.

OP posts:
stressedoutstudent · 19/11/2024 15:50

To update, i spoke with my parents, they are prepared to help me with a moped and the initial training costs, but in the new year. In the mean time, they have said they will contribute to my taxis. I think this weeks snow made them hesitant to do it immediately. They have also given me some money as my christmas gift early, to give me a bit extra so i can get my childrens christmas gifts sorted.

Thank you again for all the comments and advice.

OP posts:
auderesperare · 19/11/2024 15:59

stressedoutstudent · 19/11/2024 15:50

To update, i spoke with my parents, they are prepared to help me with a moped and the initial training costs, but in the new year. In the mean time, they have said they will contribute to my taxis. I think this weeks snow made them hesitant to do it immediately. They have also given me some money as my christmas gift early, to give me a bit extra so i can get my childrens christmas gifts sorted.

Thank you again for all the comments and advice.

So pleased to hear that OP. I’m so pleased your parents are helping out. I hope 2025 brings some financial relief and the situation improves for you and your loved ones. You so deserve it. Sending ❤️

Ahhhbeee · 19/11/2024 16:07

I would check the pip entitlement from what you said on the new turn to us calculator.

His difficulties communicating and needing support may mean he is entitled.

https://www.turn2us.org.uk/

""

Turn2us

Turn2us is a national charity providing practical help to those of us facing financial insecurity.

https://www.turn2us.org.uk

Arran2024 · 19/11/2024 16:11

stressedoutstudent · 19/11/2024 15:47

I dont fund subscriptions for my eldest. He funds his own online gaming and streaming already.

Again he does contribute, but hes not here to take on responsibility for younger siblings just because they grew up in a household with a truly lone parent. Its not his job, its not his role. Does he not deserve the same opputunities and the same treatment as those who come from 2 working parent households? If he claimed PIP, it would be his income, to support him.

What I'm saying is that your son would have a bigger pot to draw on if he gets PIP and may be able to afford to contribute more as a result. It may be that you don't have any extra expenditure due to his extra needs - some people don't - but maybe you do and thats what PIP is there for. Special food just for them for example. High heating bills because they never go out and like being exceptionally warm.

I'm not suggesting he hands all additional money over to you but a little might help. Itbis supposed to fund the extra costs of having a disability - it isn't a sort of premium for having a disability which simply gives someone more disposable income.

Flumoxed · 19/11/2024 16:11

Haven't read the whole thread @stressedoutstudent , but could you book driving lessons at the start or end of your shift to learn to drive AND get you from A to B. Once you can drive you will have a lot more options of other jobs and will save money in the long run once you don't have to pay for taxis.

pumpkinpillow · 19/11/2024 16:14

Flumoxed · 19/11/2024 16:11

Haven't read the whole thread @stressedoutstudent , but could you book driving lessons at the start or end of your shift to learn to drive AND get you from A to B. Once you can drive you will have a lot more options of other jobs and will save money in the long run once you don't have to pay for taxis.

It's like 'cancel the cheque'.

At least read the OP's posts (there are not many).

Rosebud21 · 19/11/2024 16:44

Skykidsspy · 15/11/2024 17:55

The RCN Foundation
The RCN Foundation is an independent charity supporting nurses in times of need. Grants, bursaries and scholarships are available to Nurses, Midwives, Health Care Assistance and Nursing Students. The Foundation is independent of the RCN and you don’t need to be an RCN member to access funding and services from us.
Visit the RCN Foundation website.

apply for help? Absolutely use food banks if you need.

& advice here

https://www.rcn.org.uk/Get-Help/Member-support-services/Financial-wellbeing

Financial Wellbeing | Member Support Services | Royal College of Nursing

The RCN's Financial Wellbeing section has advice, guidance, and resources to help you feel more in control of your financial situation.

https://www.rcn.org.uk/Get-Help/Member-support-services/Financial-wellbeing

BeccaS34 · 19/11/2024 16:46

I’m really happy to hear this, OP!! Best of luck to you

Errors · 19/11/2024 19:02

pumpkinpillow · 19/11/2024 16:14

It's like 'cancel the cheque'.

At least read the OP's posts (there are not many).

It’s really frustrating isn’t it 🤦‍♀️

Genevieva · 19/11/2024 19:08

Do the PIP job plus bank shifts for a few years. You will get your work life balance back and have more money in your pocket. You can progress in your nursing careers when the kids are adults. You will still be very desirable. And there is no moral problem with PIP assessing. It’s a job that needs to be done thoroughly by diligent oriole like you. Good luck!

Ohhmydays · 20/11/2024 12:07

Nice to hear your parents are going to help out op. Best of luck ☺️

fedup33 · 20/11/2024 12:41

I'm glad you are getting some help. A moped sounds unsafe and cold to me but what do I know.

usernamealreadytaken · 20/11/2024 13:46

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 17:41

My journey home is all up hill, again after 13 hours and an average of 25k steps, i just wouldnt have the energy to cycle home 4/5 mornings a week, especially over winter. It would still take me an hour+ (ive not rode a bike in 30+ years)

An electric-assisted bike is your answer - not one of these fully-motorised illegal things, but one which you pedal and it does the hard work. If you're a two hour walk from work, I'm guessing about 7 or 8 miles, and that will take maybe 25 mins on a decent electric bike. Your employer will probably have a discounted or salary sacrifice scheme to help you buy a new one.

The child at college should be able to apply for subsidised transport, check with college.

The older child who is earning should still be contributing, even if it's not a lot. if their autism restricts how much they can work/earn, it's also worth looking at applying for PIP - it's designed to help with living costs arising from conditions and disabilities, and autism definitely falls under that.

This might help too x
www.rcn.org.uk/Get-Help/Member-support-services/Financial-wellbeing/Charitable-funding-and-other-help

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