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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you were absolutely flat broke in this situation, how would you make money?

559 replies

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 17:32

Some context - single mum of 3 teenagers. Qualfied as a nurse a year ago, so on the lowest increment for band 5 pay. i work all night plus extra bank shifts to maximise my income with enhancements. Moving up pay scales/banding is impossible at the minute. The extra shifts means my UC entitlement is 0 most months. I get CB for 2/3 of the children. Eldest has autism and whilst he works, he doesnt earn enough to be contributing anything substantial to the household. Ex gave up working and claims benefits, i get the standard £29 a month deduction from his benefits via CMS, he hasnt seen the children in over a decade so doesnt contribute anything further. I dont drive and theres no public transport running at a time that i can get to work, so i have to pay for taxis which are expensive but i have no other options. Its a 2 hour walk before/after 13 hours shifts and i usually do 4 or 5 in a week, im so exhausted i cant do this walk on top of my very busy active shift. We live in a rented house, which is a reasonable rent for the area, but still expensive. 1 child in school who can walk, 1 child in college who cant walk as its too far so i have to ay transport costs for them. I have some "unnecessary" outgoings, gaming subscriptions and streaming services, however my children are home alone 4 or 5 nights a week so they need something to keep them occupied as i dislike them going out and about whilst im at work, as i work in a very busy A&E department, im not easily contactable and like to know they are safe. I have some small debts im paying off from when i was a student and really struggled to get by.

Every month i run i out of money, its just impossible. I cant work more, i cant see where i can reduce out goings. I cant get a third job (my substantial and bank are two different contracts). I cant afford christmas, which i know isnt the be all and end all. But, when i was a student i promised my children a better future when i was stressed writing assignments doing placements and missing important events. But its not gotten better. Infact im worse off each month now than i was when studying. The recent NHS payrise left me worse off, as it bumped me into the next pension bracket, so the little i got backdated last pay, i now owe in pension arrears from April when the pay rise was back dated to. This amount is more than i received in back pay last month.

Life is just impossible. I cant give my children any standard of living, despite working my arse off to improve my career and do as many shifts a week as i am physically able to do.

What would you do? Genuinely? My only potential plan at the minute is the WFH pip assessor roles, its the same money im on now, but no travel costs. Keep my bank job to pick up an extra weeked shift each week. But its a job role i struggle with morally, and i would lose the patient contact element of my job for the most part. And A&E was my dream job, i love it, and the experience is vital for my future career aspirations.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
pinotgrigeeeeo · 16/11/2024 03:41

@stressedoutstudent ignore the people saying you are being rigid and not open to their suggestions.....frankly, some of these suggestions are shit. No wonder you're not considering them.

One of them first suggestions was "do online surveys for money" Confused Don't do this. You are working 60 hours a week as an A+E nurse. You do not have time to piss about for hours and hours to make a tenner a month, if that.

I think the moped suggestion is a good one and you seem hopeful about that, so I would definitely speak to your parents about that.

Is your rental private or social housing? Long term, I would think about getting yourself on the list for social housing, if you're not already. Cheaper rents and more long term security.

I agree stay working in A+E which you love. Don't do the pip assessor role just to save on travel costs.

And remember, your salary will go up. Hopefully this very squeezed situation is just temporary.

Good luck xx

Ladyof2024 · 16/11/2024 03:52

Why get an electric bike when a small motorcycle would be faster and much much safer?

Ladyof2024 · 16/11/2024 04:02

You could buy, perhaps second hand, one of those mobility scooters which is an all-in closed cabin. No road tax, no petrol, no MOT.

It will do 8 miles an hour, you ride it on the pavement so it is much much safer than a motorcycle or a bicycle, and when you get to your destination you just plug it in to recharge it. Of course this depends on you having somewhere at home that you can plug it in. It would definitely do the 12 miles without needing to be recharged, so it would get you there and back.

Being an enclosed cabin keeps you dry when it's raining.

Autumn5000 · 16/11/2024 05:18

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through a tough time financially atm. I just wanted to raise a concern I had about your children. You say they are on their own 4/5 nights a week and you are not easily contactable. How old is the child in school?
I'm concerned they don't have a parent around in the evenings. Emotionally to see and talk to for any issues or just spend time with and also physically.
I see this alot where the parent works so much to earn a good living however unintentionally neglects their children.
Please think about the impact this has

Ohhmydays · 16/11/2024 06:19

Op your best bet is to get a moped. It will cost u initially to get everything but will pay off in the long run. Cbt to get on the road is around £135(think it depends on area, 2nd hand moped u could probably get for 300/400 off facebook marketplace or gumtree. My partner was 36 insurance a month(moped would be cheaper as there only 50cc) he had a 125cc bike plus around 40 a month for petrol if that, if its only being used to go to work and back.

SapphireOpal · 16/11/2024 06:19

Autumn5000 · 16/11/2024 05:18

Hi, I'm sorry you are going through a tough time financially atm. I just wanted to raise a concern I had about your children. You say they are on their own 4/5 nights a week and you are not easily contactable. How old is the child in school?
I'm concerned they don't have a parent around in the evenings. Emotionally to see and talk to for any issues or just spend time with and also physically.
I see this alot where the parent works so much to earn a good living however unintentionally neglects their children.
Please think about the impact this has

Surely it's better for her to be out while they're asleep than during the day?

Presumably for a night shift she's leaving the house at somewhere around 5:30-7:30 which means she can often be there to make their tea after school for example - which many working single mums of older teens couldn't.

They're not tiny children - they don't need her home to do bath and bed - and they have each other. Adults have to work - I don't really see the OP's working pattern being particularly worse than someone working a more standard daytime job.

ItsAllFake · 16/11/2024 07:09

I can't read the whole thread but you mentioned that most months you aren't eligible for UC. I would work out your average monthly take home and then work out if I could do fewer shifts and in place get UC. Then you aren't paying for taxis for that shift. Let UC be in place of a couple of work shifts to give yourself time to breathe.

ItsAllFake · 16/11/2024 07:12

Ignore me - just read you've already looked at the UC and cutting shifts.

You are doing so much. - I really hope someone comes up with something helpful

ItsAllFake · 16/11/2024 07:17

Have you tried using one of the tax websites to work out how much tax you would pay if you cut some of your hours? Listen to the Taxman is a good one.

You might find that cutting a shift cuts the tax enough to still give you the same take home pay? That would give you a rest and save taxi fare.

Moped sounds a great idea though. I think it would change your life.

converseandjeans · 16/11/2024 07:29

@lateatwork

Are there any cleaning or babysitting jobs you could pick up? Even 1 shift of babysitting can be around £60. A cleaning job could be around the same. Just 1 shift of this would be an extra £240 per month and could help towards the moped etc

Do you honestly think OP has the energy to pick up work cleaning? After 12 hour night shifts in A&E? I doubt she has time to clean her own house thoroughly!

All the suggestions about extra jobs aren't really realistic.

It's ridiculous that OP is in this situation. Hopefully you will go up to the next band soon. It sounds really hard.

hastalavista · 16/11/2024 08:01

This is peanuts really but if you have 2 part time jobs with separate employers, each one presently has an amount you can earn eg approx 12k without paying national insurance. I have 2 part time jobs and one I earn about 13k and pay hardly any NI on it.

You also have 1k tax free amount per year u can earn thru freelance work. Is there anything v easy and low effort u can do for pocket money

Go to community pantry but this is usually open during week. Can really really help.

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:02

We have netflix prime and now tv, then the xbox gamer pass, and the playstation network that i pay for. They then pay for their own battle passes and my 16 year old pays for his own anime tv subcription out of their paper round moneys.

Personally I think this is a problem that could be solved.

I'm sorry but it's just ridiculous that you're paying all of this for 'screen time'.
Don't kids do something a bit more interesting with their time these days? (Mine are adults now and married etc.)

I feel for you, but the fact is you're using screen time as a babysitter when you're at work.

My advice is your slash this expense - maybe not all of them but at least 50%.

The percentage of your income going on this is madness.

I don't think you should train in Botox etc.
Nurses who do Botox are all over - the market is crowded anyway - there are more qualified doctors and dentists doing this and I know who I'd choose.

I think you should stick at your NHS goals of promotion but also cut back on the entertainment spending on your kids. OR if they must have it, they pay out of their part time jobs.

They need to understand the economics of being a single mum on a low income.

Longer term you could get a car- and indeed if you saved £200 a month by ditching all he subs that could pay for a car lease or save for a banger ( £1k).

hastalavista · 16/11/2024 08:02

Obviously u prob can't go abroad cos of kids but I dont know if that would be an option??

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:10

hastalavista · 16/11/2024 08:02

Obviously u prob can't go abroad cos of kids but I dont know if that would be an option??

You've answered your own suggestion.
She can't go abroad.

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:13

I just wanted to raise a concern I had about your children. You say they are on their own 4/5 nights a week and you are not easily contactable. How old is the child in school?
I'm concerned they don't have a parent around in the evenings.

This crossed my mind too. Especially as one child has special needs.
I think there is a potential safe-guarding issue here.

It would not look good if there was an accident and one older child with autism had been left in charge of younger siblings overnight on a regular basis, up to 5 nights a week.

The NSPCC doesn't set actual legal ages for children left alone, but it would certainly be an issue that was looked into if there was an accident or you were uncontactable @stressedoutstudent .

Has anyone else mentioned this to you in real life?

FreshLaundry · 16/11/2024 08:19

Am e-bike with the cost spread via the cycle to work scheme is a great solution. My DH who has chronic fatigue uses one. Really do consider this.

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:20

SapphireOpal · 16/11/2024 06:19

Surely it's better for her to be out while they're asleep than during the day?

Presumably for a night shift she's leaving the house at somewhere around 5:30-7:30 which means she can often be there to make their tea after school for example - which many working single mums of older teens couldn't.

They're not tiny children - they don't need her home to do bath and bed - and they have each other. Adults have to work - I don't really see the OP's working pattern being particularly worse than someone working a more standard daytime job.

Of course it wouldn't be. During the day they are in school and one is working.

Can you imagine the headlines if something went wrong like a fire?
3 children left alone in the house 5 nights a week with a teenage child with autism left' in charge'. And their mother an NHS nurse?

haretodaygonelater · 16/11/2024 08:22

Could you do salary sacrifice for a car through work? All expense for it is covered it's just fuel you pay for.

ManchesterGirl2 · 16/11/2024 08:24

No advice but I wanted to say you sound amazing. You've clearly raised lovely teenagers who have a strong work ethic. I hope things get easier for you.

Moped sounds a good idea.

SapphireOpal · 16/11/2024 08:35

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:20

Of course it wouldn't be. During the day they are in school and one is working.

Can you imagine the headlines if something went wrong like a fire?
3 children left alone in the house 5 nights a week with a teenage child with autism left' in charge'. And their mother an NHS nurse?

Edited

One is working, one is in college and one is in school. So presumably something like 19, 17, 15. It's really not an issue to leave them overnight at those ages. The 15 year old by themself maybe but all of them together?

I had several friends who moved out at 16. Are we really suggesting that similarly aged teens can't be left - not alone - but with two siblings?

DurinsBane · 16/11/2024 08:39

stressedoutstudent · 15/11/2024 18:19

HA! no one wants to see my mid 40s slightly overweight saggy body

Lots probably would!

SapphireOpal · 16/11/2024 08:39

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:13

I just wanted to raise a concern I had about your children. You say they are on their own 4/5 nights a week and you are not easily contactable. How old is the child in school?
I'm concerned they don't have a parent around in the evenings.

This crossed my mind too. Especially as one child has special needs.
I think there is a potential safe-guarding issue here.

It would not look good if there was an accident and one older child with autism had been left in charge of younger siblings overnight on a regular basis, up to 5 nights a week.

The NSPCC doesn't set actual legal ages for children left alone, but it would certainly be an issue that was looked into if there was an accident or you were uncontactable @stressedoutstudent .

Has anyone else mentioned this to you in real life?

Edited

The "child" with special needs is an autistic working adult (or at least very close to 18 given they have a younger sibling in college!) Many of us who fall into theat category have children of our own you know. Should we not be left alone with them either?

PleaseBePacific · 16/11/2024 08:52

Not read the whole thread but have you considered NHS111 clinical advisor role? A lot a now WFH. Perhaps you could keep NHS contract but stop the bank and do 111 shifts instead of what you would have picked up on the bank

MumDoingMyBest · 16/11/2024 08:52

GlitterBallss · 16/11/2024 08:13

I just wanted to raise a concern I had about your children. You say they are on their own 4/5 nights a week and you are not easily contactable. How old is the child in school?
I'm concerned they don't have a parent around in the evenings.

This crossed my mind too. Especially as one child has special needs.
I think there is a potential safe-guarding issue here.

It would not look good if there was an accident and one older child with autism had been left in charge of younger siblings overnight on a regular basis, up to 5 nights a week.

The NSPCC doesn't set actual legal ages for children left alone, but it would certainly be an issue that was looked into if there was an accident or you were uncontactable @stressedoutstudent .

Has anyone else mentioned this to you in real life?

Edited

It's two teens being left with an adult sibling also in the house. In the extremely unlikely event there was a fire I imagine headlines would focus on the tragedy which happened while mum was at work.

Luckily the op can get free smoke alarms from her local fire service (and possibly the LHA as well) which reduces this unlikely risk even more.

It would be nice if she could spend more time with her children but that is true for most people who work. There are still between 1 and 2 hours an evening she can spend with her children which probably is about the same as many people doing 9-5 day shifts spend with their children.

fedup33 · 16/11/2024 09:02

Getting on a bike in winter is just bloody ridiculous and cruel. A moped? Is it safe?
I'm sorry but surely there must be some opportunity to sit in a nice warm car, contribute to petrol. Everybody wins.
The paper rounds and the 6 am start sound gruelling.

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