To be annoyed child got no part in school play

[Honeybeebuzz]

Child is in Year 1, they do their play with the reception class too. Last year he didn't get a part but we were told it's because most parts go to the Year 1s. Just found out he's not got a part again, just chorus. Its a small school so most do and im not sure why he didn't. He's generally well behaved, confident and doing well academically so not like he couldn't manage a line or two. Just feel a bit sad for him as he's chatting away about the parts his friends got. There's nothing I can do really and im obviously not showing him im annoyed

It’s not a big deal. Not everyone can have a speaking part. I’m not sure my eldest had an independent speaking role in the play until she was year 4 or 5. My youngest definitely didn’t in reception or year 1 (he’s in year 2 this year). Both are perfectly confident, well behaved kids. It’s just one of those things. It can be really stressful though and a lot of work learning lines.

OP the biggest parts for our nativity went to the PTA member's golden child and the kid who's parent is a teacher at the school. The parts have ridiculously more lines than any other part.

If they have been daft enough to choose a play that has two especially line heavy parts, then they need to choose children whose parents are guaranteed to put the work in at home. They can only fit in so much practice at school and they need parents to help children learn their cues and lines and ime, parts with lots of lines to learn are not given to children whose parents do the least to support their child and the school.

The best nativity plays are ones that are written to have lines spread across lots of parts, songs that can include as many children as needed so they all get a bit of spotlight, and a Mary and Joseph who just dress up and sit there.

I don't know the rationale for how parts are given, but maybe some teachers could weigh in here as this topic seems to come up every November. 🧐🤷‍♀️

IMO, though, I do wish less emphasis was on a proper show and more was on getting everyone some sort of spotlight. They're just littles fgs. Multiple kids sharing parts is fun and cute. Auditions, a professional show etc should be left to older kids. And anyone wanting their kid to show off their acting skills should really put them into lessons and take them out for auditions. School plays should be fun, low-pressure, encouraging, non-professional and have elements of awkwardness . That's where the fun is. 😁

It sounds as though your DS isn't particularly bothered - I assume you would have said so if he was. So why are you bothered?

Your DH is right, it really isn't a big deal except perhaps in your own mind, so don't make it into one. Being in the chorus is taking part too, and they are often on display for almost all of the play too.

Don't go pestering the teacher (yes, it could be considered pestering) unless you want to become known as "that" helicopter parent.

Just go to the play when parents are invited and enjoy it without fretting or fussing about who got what part and why.

Agree with this.

There was a teacher at our primary school who blatantly chose one particular girl for each and every key opportunity and main role. She was the music teacher so she'd be in charge of all the plays, every year. My dd, very well behaved, academic and definitely up for a nice musical or performing opportunity usually felt under the radar ever got chosen by the music teacher. Each year, she'd come home disappointed and each year I told her that yes it does look like it's favouritism but you have to put yourself out there and make these opportunities happen. I never went to the school and dd got so frustrated that she became much more of a "go-getter" now in secondary she has enjoyed key roles in the school plays and is very confident in herself and her ability to go for things. I never wanted to be that precious mum who complains that her darling didn't get a role and it served my dd well, she now gets them on her very own merit and initiative.

With you there OP. It's over 20 years since my DS was at primary but I can well remember my annoyance that he was constantly overlooked for anything despite being pretty good at just about everything and never any trouble. Thankfully he said he really wasn't bothered but he never really forgot it.

I don't get this snipey attitude that some PP's have towards the OP but I can certainly recognise the category of person I put them in. I've met many like you in my very long working life.
Those of you saying it doesn't matter and it's not important. Yes it does and it is.

Maybe the school make an effort to give opportunity to other children who perhaps don't find school as easy to navigate. If so credit to them! Generally you see the same high achieving kids get all the limelight so building confidence in other children in areas that they can is lovely. I don't mean that as any detriment to your son but if he is getting on well at school academically and socially perhaps he is more able to accept it.

Please accept this and don't go to the teacher about it. I agree with your DH on this one.

I think being in a nativity is about more than a speaking part, it is about all coming together to perform, every child involved is taking part in one way or another. It's life that they can't all have the same part, the show would be pretty boring if they did?! Shool about celebrating and supporting children's individual skills, but a show is about everyone coming together to create one thing. If your child is happy, I think you need to ask the bigger question of why you are not?

Yes. My experience of uk primary system is that naughty kids are given plum parts to ‘motivate’ them, whilst good kids get left out. I had 6 years of this with my kid. He often also got sat next to the disruptive kids so that the disruptive kids somehow ‘absorbed’ good behaviour from my son, or so that my son could help them when they got stuck. It got to the point we had to ask the school if they could pay my son a teaching assistant wage!!!

it’s not great. Naughty kids get rewarded for not spitting on the floor, whilst kids who would never spit in the floor don’t get rewarded because no carrot is needed for them.

Come off it, teachers put extra lines into these things all the time. It's a infant school nativity not the next west end show. They usually find or create a line for anyone who wants one.

Worth asking OP. Might have been a misunderstanding or for some reason he was out of the classroom at the critical moment for volunteering.

I’m with your husband, don’t make a fuss! Your child has a long time in education, if you are starting like this in yr 1 what are you going to be like further along. Pick your battles!

Does he even want one? When I taught KS1 I always asked the children who wanted a speaking part and they all got one. Some a few words, some loads of lines. One child who I had lined up in my head for a big speaking part was desperate to be the (non-speaking) donkey, so she was. The only time I’d worry about them being ‘good at it’ is to sing a solo. Other than that, who cares? They’re 5 and look cute in shiny stuff/ animal costumes!

DS was literally the only child in his year who did not have a line, at his own request, two years in a row. He ended up being the donkey both times. The second time he changed his mind and wanted to speak, so they gave the donkey a line 😂

Maybe they're going for artistic content and your son has a lovely singing voice?

You'd have hated me. I was Mary. Every. single. year. Apparently I have an 'old-fashioned face'. I hated it, but I don't remember there being a choice.

Years later, we got a new drama teacher, who put on a musical instead, a Western. I was thrilled, I got to be a saloon girl who the Sherrif's mistress, which I didn't understand, but involved dancing the can-can and getting into a cat-fight. So cool, and so not the blessed Virgin again.

I suppose if he's confident and doing well academically then maybe they have given the parts to those who aren't as academic so it's a chance for them to shine or parts to some who aren't as confident to bring their confidence on.

Please don’t be that parent and mention anything to the school. Sometimes in life you get chosen, sometimes you don’t. Dealing with disappointment is one of life’s lessons.

Have you asked your child if they’re interested at all in a speaking part? As others have said, they may have asked for willing kids and they didn’t volunteer. Your post sounds like you’re disappointed, not your child.

I never believe people who claim the best parts go to the children of PTA members because from my experience the class teachers have no idea which parents are involved with the PTA 🤔

Definitely not in ours.
Most of the teachers were past pupils with most of the parents their school friends…all heavily favoured in every way.
Then there’s the teachers kids.
We haven’t had a head boy or girl in the last 7years that wasn’t from one of these categories.
Thats before we even touch on the ‘parent group PTA’.

So another child, who has already been allocated a part has it taken from them to accommodate OP's son?

It’s very disappointing at the time. But when they’re 18 and sitting A-levels, and driving you around and doing your proud, you’ll forget this time. Xx

Ask the teacher and say he would appreciate a line. Be that mother-it doesn’t matter.

As a teacher, I count the lines of the parts my classes have to make things as fair as possible. I know how disappointing it can be for you and the child not to be treated fairly.