Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed child got no part in school play

257 replies

Honeybeebuzz · 15/11/2024 14:40

Child is in Year 1, they do their play with the reception class too. Last year he didn't get a part but we were told it's because most parts go to the Year 1s. Just found out he's not got a part again, just chorus. Its a small school so most do and im not sure why he didn't. He's generally well behaved, confident and doing well academically so not like he couldn't manage a line or two. Just feel a bit sad for him as he's chatting away about the parts his friends got. There's nothing I can do really and im obviously not showing him im annoyed

OP posts:
Yousay55 · 15/11/2024 18:13

If they haven’t got a line for your dc, it’s not hard to write one in!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/11/2024 18:14

Yousay55 · 15/11/2024 18:13

If they haven’t got a line for your dc, it’s not hard to write one in!

Exactly this.

It's a nativity play, not Shakespeare.

Tbh even if it were Shakespeare 99% of people wouldn't notice if you added in an extra line here and there.

RB68 · 15/11/2024 18:18

i was always glad mine didnt do anything but be an angel in reception or a shepherd for the rest of her school life. No lines just songs and no bother with learning lines, stage fright or similar - sometimes its good to not pop a head over the parapet - she got more free time at home etc. She was the one that told me all this and said its fine Mum I can't be faffed with it anyway!!!

Now she merrily makes films, acts in them and does scripts.

RB68 · 15/11/2024 18:19

oh yeah and aged around 9 she said "its not like I will put it on my CV is it" Ha ha ha

MargaretThursday · 15/11/2024 18:20

In my dc's school for the year 2 play they asked the children what they wanted to be and if more than one wanted a part which couldn't be multiplied, then they drew names out of a hat. The most contested part was a non-speaking donkey. Ds was very smug to get that. I think they did offer him to say "clipperty clop" and he refused.
I think he was an innkeeper saying "go away" one year, and in the year 6 play he had one line. Rest of the time he was bored chorus.
Last summer, 10 years later, he performed a good sized part in an adult play to about 5k people over 5 days. so it obviously didn't limit him.

But actually I do sort of agree with the OP. When I was at school there were loads of opportunities. We had one assembly a term, at least one play a year (3 in the last two years), a poetry evening where everyone could put themselves forwards, rather grandly called "The Eisteddfod", and harvest festival, carol service, end of year assembly all of which would have had 1-2 parts per form, and the leaving assembly.
My dc had one assembly a year, one Christmas play (done across the year with at junior level around 80% of the children with no part due to how they cast it) and a leaving show. That was it.
There were many children who never had a line to say over the junior years.
The plays used to particularly irritate me. They'd have 150 kids, and give one shepherd 20 lines. Why not with that number give 20 shepherds one line? That's 19 happy children, and the shepherd with 20 lines inevitably forgot at least one and got upset too.
They even had one show where we had a break of 10 minutes while the main cast, of 15 children, changed into a different costume and 135 sat there in school uniform and yawned.

When I've done plays with children (not in school), I've felt it's really important that every child can go home and say "my part is X and I do X".
That's how I think they should be doing it. Does it matter if they have 15 angels? No. Give 10 of them lines, and the 5 who don't want/can't manage lines something important to do like carrying a star or handing baby Jesus over. It's easy with a little imagination and knowledge of the children.
I remember one time a little one saying she didn't want lines and we gave her the part of being a shadow, which she did brilliantly. She then said she'd like a line about a week before the show, so we said she could say "goodbye everyone - oh I can speak now!" at the end and she was so pleased. The next year she wanted a full part, which she did very well.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 15/11/2024 18:23

I can't believe you're actually worried about this tbh. By all means have a word with the teacher if you want to be labelled 'that' parent.

You know I see this comment a lot on Mumsnet and I always think the person writing it is firstly a dick, but also clearly so terrified of being labelled 'that parent' (which I and most parent couldn't give a shit about) that they will fail to communicate with the school on their child's behalf when necessary.

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/11/2024 18:23

Orangefruitbrush · 15/11/2024 15:24

If he really wants a part, I think you need to be that pushy parent that asks that he gets one.

You think that a part should be created specially for him? Not everyone gets a speaking part. That's life.

Ellie1015 · 15/11/2024 18:29

If most get a part then it is very likely they were asked if they wanted a speaking part and your ds didn't volunteer either nerves or he didnt hear when they were asked or some bad luck as at the toilet or something when it was discussed.

If your son isnt bothered i expect he wasnt sure about speaking.

I have a very quiet eldest who would not volunteer for these things which was no surprise. My very loud and confident youngest also not willing to speak lines to a hall full of people. Fine with attention happening naturally ie telling a joke to the room or volunteering an answer, going on stage last minute at a kids club on holiday but not preplanned public speaking.

User860131 · 15/11/2024 18:32

SometimesCalmPerson · 15/11/2024 17:19

OP the biggest parts for our nativity went to the PTA member's golden child and the kid who's parent is a teacher at the school. The parts have ridiculously more lines than any other part.

If they have been daft enough to choose a play that has two especially line heavy parts, then they need to choose children whose parents are guaranteed to put the work in at home. They can only fit in so much practice at school and they need parents to help children learn their cues and lines and ime, parts with lots of lines to learn are not given to children whose parents do the least to support their child and the school.

The best nativity plays are ones that are written to have lines spread across lots of parts, songs that can include as many children as needed so they all get a bit of spotlight, and a Mary and Joseph who just dress up and sit there.

Sorry no I don't buy that. Total copout. 90% of the parents at my dd's school would help them until they knew the lines and the school know that damned well. Yes I agree the play shouldn't be one kid getting 100's of (supposedly) funny lines and the rest getting 2/3 dull lines at best. The worst part is that one of the kids in our play this year apparently also gets an entire song to sing by themselves. They could surely get at least a handful of kids singing a few lines of this each and all getting their 'moment' but no. It all has to go to one kid who is already being taught that they're above everyone else. I'm not sure it's doing the kid any favours though. They're in for an absolute shock when they start highschool...

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/11/2024 18:35

TheYearOfSmallThings · 15/11/2024 18:23

I can't believe you're actually worried about this tbh. By all means have a word with the teacher if you want to be labelled 'that' parent.

You know I see this comment a lot on Mumsnet and I always think the person writing it is firstly a dick, but also clearly so terrified of being labelled 'that parent' (which I and most parent couldn't give a shit about) that they will fail to communicate with the school on their child's behalf when necessary.

OP’s child doesn’t seem to care half as much as she does.

LilyAllensChin · 15/11/2024 18:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

OolongTeaDrinker · 15/11/2024 18:37

At my DCs' school, the children are asked if they want a speaking part, if they don't volunteer they get a part as a narrator or in a chorus. If your child is not bothered then just don't worry about it!

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 15/11/2024 18:45

Honeybeebuzz · 15/11/2024 15:32

I dont know the exact number but based on last years play and class size id say about 80% get a line/part
Chorus is generally made up of the younger year group. I also found out one of the boys who got a part had a part last year too (which wasn't that many in reception class) this childs parent is one of the board of governors so definitely feels like favourtism.
I might ask next week if they need any more speakers as my child is keen? Not too pushy? My DH is dead against this and thinks it'll just annoy the teacher

Your husband is right: it will really annoy the teacher.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/11/2024 18:47

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 15/11/2024 18:45

Your husband is right: it will really annoy the teacher.

There are worse things in life than annoying your child's teacher.

Lemonadeand · 15/11/2024 18:50

Chan9eusername · 15/11/2024 16:48

Is he a good reader & speaker?

My friend insisted on her DS getting a line to read last year

He really struggled with it and it was pretty clear why the teacher had not initially given him one. The child next to him had to prompt him.

This happened to me as a teacher (secondary). Parent complained her child never got asked to read in the Carol service. We let her child do a reading. Child hated the experience and messed up the reading even though I did lots of practice with her. It was all for the parent, not the child.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 15/11/2024 18:54

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/11/2024 18:35

OP’s child doesn’t seem to care half as much as she does.

We don't really know how he feels. My son never complained, but he lost interest. When he has a line he is excited and believes that the show revolves around him - if I left it up to the school I have no doubt he could go all the way through sitting at the back of the stage not complaining, disengaged and waiting for playtime. There are plenty of kids who do that, and all of them are capable of more given half a chance.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/11/2024 19:06

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/11/2024 18:23

You think that a part should be created specially for him? Not everyone gets a speaking part. That's life.

If last year is anything to go by, 80% of them will have speaking parts, in which case they should just give everyone who wants one a speaking part.

TunnocksOrDeath · 15/11/2024 19:21

Our DC is doing well academically and we get a lot of feedback about their being well behaved, but I wouldn't expect parts in the school play to be allocated on this basis. For one thing, our one finds remembering individual lines & when to say them REALLY hard; so it's best all round if they stick to singing and dancing parts till they're a bit older. Poor teachers, they have so much stress just getting through the basics, then have to put up with parents getting narked because their kid got the wrong part in the nativity of all things.

Maria1979 · 15/11/2024 19:50

@stormwarrierridesthewaves
Oh, he would have been lovely as Joseph. Kids with downs always warms my heart, I can't really explain why. I am happy that he's in a good inclusive environment now. 🌻

Tooes · 15/11/2024 19:54

The teachers act like casting directors in those plays and like irl, they cast their favourites and the talented.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/11/2024 21:03

As a veteran mother of 6 I can tell you that this isnt important. What is important is that he is doing well, is learning well and his behaviour is good.

Some schools think that giving the little shits (ie, the ones who get excluded etc) important jobs, builds their self esteem and makes them behave better. One of my childrens heads thought this. She was wrong. Just made them worse. The best lesson you DC can learn is that sometimes those that deserve the best dont get it, and to accept that with grace and equanimity. Right now they cant choose to change schools but that lesson will help them as they get older and can choose to escape a toxic work place for example.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 15/11/2024 21:16

@Honeybeebuzz your posts are about you being upset that he hasn't got a part. Have you actually asked your son if he wants a part?

My dd hated the idea of any speaking part, it was literally her worst nightmare. School would encourage her as she has always been an excellent reader but she would flat out refuse.

How sure are you that they haven't asked/offered him a role and he has declined?

xyz111 · 15/11/2024 21:44

Goodness, it really doesn't matter. Is there 30 speaking parts?? I'm sure your child wont care. Just turn up, tell them how well they did.

CarolNewYear · 15/11/2024 21:48

This is about you, your ego and that you think your child deserves to get a key role more than others, which I find a bit weird tbh. It's a school nativity...

Italiandreams · 15/11/2024 22:00

As a primary teacher who has organised lots of nativity play I would completely want to know if a child was upset. I always find a speaking part for everyone who wants it in the eldest year group in the play. It’s really not that hard. Plus as a parent whose child has been overlooked , it’s not great. And it’s always the parents who haven’t faced this issue that say it’s not big deal. Building children’s confidence is huge in the early years.