To be annoyed child got no part in school play

[Honeybeebuzz]

Child is in Year 1, they do their play with the reception class too. Last year he didn't get a part but we were told it's because most parts go to the Year 1s. Just found out he's not got a part again, just chorus. Its a small school so most do and im not sure why he didn't. He's generally well behaved, confident and doing well academically so not like he couldn't manage a line or two. Just feel a bit sad for him as he's chatting away about the parts his friends got. There's nothing I can do really and im obviously not showing him im annoyed

OP the biggest parts for our nativity went to the PTA member's golden child and the kid who's parent is a teacher at the school. The parts have ridiculously more lines than any other part. It's so hilariously nepotistic it's tragic but you know what? It isn't going to make the kids any friends. Quite the opposite. There could be any reason that your kid doesn't have a part (a likely one being that they asked not to have one. Have you checked this?) It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. If you want your child to act put them in a theatre school although they are usually even more cutthroat.

I would think the parts go to those who can project their voice, who enjoy the attention, who won't get a sudden bout of shyness or tears and who will enjoy it. That's why sometimes the quiet kids don't get the parts as they tend to clam up and mutter at their feet. Your teacher will know better than you how your child acts in front of a group. I'd probably let it slide but maybe ask at a parent teacher meeting or next time you get to talk to the teacher.

Oh god don't be that parent and ask why your child hasn't a speaking part.

Yeah that’s not how the world works.

Can you imagine the letter home ‘sorry we have given your child a speaking part which I’m sure they were excited about but we need to now take it away because another parent doesn’t feel it’s fair your child has had a speaking part two years in a row”.

Life doesn’t go like this. …..
We were going to give you a pay rose for excellent performance but someone who didn’t get one last year and doesn’t deserve one this year should get one because it’s not fair to them.

Sorry you were the best person for the job but another person has been looking for longer so they should get it instead.

Sorry you have done all the hard work and out the excellent presentation together but you can’t give it because someone else in the team hasn’t presented yet.

We may not like things but be real - what are you really teaching your child.

This isn’t theatre school and your child is being over looked after years of hard work perfecting his acting.

let the kid enjoy his singing part and leave it be.

This. It's really not that big of a deal, OP. Honestly, parents make it much more of a thing than it needs to be and it actually can create pressure on little kids!
Just enjoy the event, he is part of it.

So the teacher may be using the play to help them regulate! Honestly don't be that parent it isn't that big a deal.

I understand why you feel annoyed, but parts in school plays aren’t given as a reward for good behaviour - in fact the teacher might well be trying to give Naughty Friend a positive school experience to get him more on board with school rules. If your DS shines at other things the teacher might feel there are other children more in need of a confidence boost. I do see, though, why that might not seem fair.

At my school we always chose a nondescript-looking or even plain, draggly-haired bespectacled little girl to be Mary in our nativity, much to the delight of the children chosen for once and the annoyance of the pretty girls who thought they should always be the star of the show!

I understand you might be a bit put out but if he's well behaved, confident and doing well academically he's winning, trust me!

Is he a good reader & speaker?

My friend insisted on her DS getting a line to read last year

He really struggled with it and it was pretty clear why the teacher had not initially given him one. The child next to him had to prompt him.

I wouldn’t worry. Schools can’t have every child in the main parts. That’s how it is. 🙂

It's sounds as if he's happy and doing brilliantly in every other aspect of school. It's not a big deal really if he's not bothered. Perhaps the teacher gave the speaking parts to boost those who aren't as confident and bright as your son.

I’m a teacher and in normal circumstances I would be saying ‘that’s just the way it goes sometimes’ but in a small school, with only that year group being the chance to have a part I think it’s poor practice to not produce something that doesn’t have speaking roles for all who would want one.
We definitely make sure that all our kids have something, we don’t choose plays that don’t have enough parts or we create parts or we split parts down.
In this case I would be going and asking why he’s not been given a chance. I think it’s lazy, bad, practice. My Dd was in a year group of 60, they still managed to find something for every child to do.

I really don't feel sorry though for teachers who repeatedly lick one or two kid's arses and call it ice cream because their parents happen to work there or have a rich husband have the time to help out in the PTA. This shit really shouldn't happen and yet it seems it does in every school.... It's probably kids who don't live in such favourible households who need the boost more. Like I already said to OP though it won't change so you'll probably just have to suck it up

My daughter was similar in younger years, despite being very socially confident, she quite simply didn’t want a speaking part.

In y5 now and is keen to take part in all sorts of “public speaking” roles at school.

It never bothered me that she didn’t want a speaking part, I have 26 years on her and despise public speaking! But my mother used to go mad about it, borderline convinced the school were setting out to slight my child on purpose etc.

I get children wanting a speaking role and being disappointed...although who taught them that speaking roles are "better"? but do parents actually care so much about this stuff?

Yeah this would actually pee me off too. If they can't have everyone saying 1 little line, then why not do a group singing carols things, rather than a nativity. I think it's mean and out of order, every child should get 1 line. My child's school does Christmas songs as their nativity and that way everyone does the songs and dance together. Don't be scared or worried about emailing and asking why each child can't have 1 little line - if you don't advocate, who will?

Reminds me of how I felt 10 years ago, when my then 4 year old was in his final year of nursery. It has always stayed with me. Not because it was an issue that my son didn't get the main part. Just the principle of it and what it represented. 😢

He was in mainstream at that point, but has Down's Syndrome.

It was tradition at that particular pre-school that the eldest boy got the part of Joseph, and eldest girl the part of Mary.
I knew my little boy was the eldest (and staff had confirmed this was the case), and I was so looking forward to him having this part (should add that none of the parts were speaking parts. It was narrated by the staff and the children walked on stage).

When we were handed our children's parts, I was slightly confused that the mum of the boy (3 months younger than my son who had literally just had his birthday) was telling him he had the part of Joseph.
Turned out they had bypassed my son and gone to the second eldest boy.
My boy was given the part of a donkey.

They couldn't give me an explanation for it. Just a lot of awkward muttering that the donkey is actually an important part.........

As it happened my son was off sick on the day of the nativity, and shortly after that he got a place in a special school where thankfully he was treated as an equal amongst his lovely peers. 😊

Stormwarrier, 😞, that is heartbreaking. Disablism lives on for sure.

"Doesn't deserve one"?

You're talking about five year olds.

The sky is not going to fall in if you make the terrible mistake of asking a quiet child to say one line in the nativity play.

DD was short, animated and absolutely tone deaf. The teacher said don't worry, I'll sandwich her as a focus__, front row between the best singers.

My DS was, amongst other things, the letter 'A', a laptop, and Hitler's lieutenant! (Hitler got a bit over-enthusiastic and drew his moustache on at home with a permanent marker - it was clearly visible for the rest of the week 😂). His school never once did a traditional nativity, but they did manage to give every child at least one line unless they really didn't want to speak.

Did he want a speaking part?
When asked by the teacher who wants a speaking part, did he put up his hand and volunteer?

Clearly you want him to have a speaking part but does he?

My child is now 35yr and all through his primary school it was the same boy who had best parts in all plays and assembly's.

@stormwarrierridesthewaves - that is heartbreaking! Absolutely disgusting behaviour on the part of the nursery. It must have been such a punch to the gut for you. Glad he's somewhere that values him now.