To expect friends to message to say happy birthday to my LG?

[Nellie1027]

To give a bit of context my LG was 2 yesterday. I am part of an NCT group of mums who met when we were all pregnant. We have stayed in touch, but meet much less regularly now, maybe twice a year. We still message in the group a couple of times a month. I've always seen myself as an active member of the group, asking for and giving advice when needed.

The first of our little ones started turning 2 a few weeks ago (3 have turned 2 so far). Every time everyone has messaged in the group to say happy birthday, including myself. Yesterday no one messaged to say happy birthday to my little girl. It has honestly really upset me, I even reposted another friend's story on social media to see if it might prompt them to realise at about 8pm last night and still nothing.

I know I am prone to overreacting and being too emotional and caught up in things that I don't need to (I'm also 29 weeks pregnant with our second child which probably doesn't help), but it's really upset me to the point I just want to leave the group and tell them all how awful that has made me feel as a mum.

Would this upset you? Should I say something or just forget it? The next little one's birthday is in a couple of days and I know it's going to make me really angry when the birthday messages start coming in for him.

What is LG?

In a group like that there is usually one person who is good at remembering the dates and everyone else chimes in.

Don't take it to heart. Pop up a birthday pic & say LO 2 today - doesn't time fly. All our babies are growing up.

You might find it helpful to read up on ‘ the five languages of love’. Different people show that they care in different ways. If your language of love is that you want people to remember birthdays and send messages because that is what is important to you and is how you show you care, then you might find yourself regularly disappointed.
If you acknowledge that other people show they care in different ways then you will find life much easier.
I don’t care two hoots if people remember my birthday and I am equally shit at remembering theirs. I do love them, do nice things for them and care about them. I just don’t register dates.
A little while after learning about the idea of the different languages of love I realised that my mother-in-law coming and cleaning my house was actually her showing she cared rather than her being judgemental. Life got much easier between us! It took me hearing her talking about her sister. She had gone and cleaned her fridge when she was ill. It dawned on me that it was just what she did for people when she saw they were struggling and she knew I had small children.She loved her sister dearly and spoke highly of her. She certainly didn’t judge her. She doesn’t judge me either. She is just really good at cleaning and quite enjoys it.
it is amazing how changing your perspective can change your happiness at all sorts of relationships.

*it's my little girl she deserves better

gently , your little girl won’t know or care whether they wish her happy birthday

P E double T Y

Hopefully you’re not feeling so low about this as it’s been a couple of days since you first posted but I just wanted to say I totally understand why this would sting, and I think some people have been a little unfair. I had a similar thing with one of my friendship groups this year. They all forgot my birthday and my baby’s 1st birthday but wished everyone else and their babies a happy birthday earlier in the year.

It did hurt but I had to remind myself that they were probably busy and I know some of them don’t place much importance on birthdays at all (even first ones apparently). I sent a photo in our group chat of my LO eating cake, just to share a little update as we don’t get to see each other very often, and they then asked about the day and sent birthday wishes.

My brother, sister in law and best friend also didn’t message so I think some people just don’t think it’s necessary, though I’m a sensitive soul like you and would always wish someone or their LO a happy birthday!

Everyone’s different so try not to take it to heart :)

Your little girl deserves better? At 2 she’s not aware of people she doesn’t really know sending you a text message. Come on op, kindly, get a grip.

I realised that on a group whatsapp I was the one who always messaged with a congrats or a “thank you for the birthday party dc had a fabulous time” first. I only noticed when no-one said thanks for my own DC’s birthday. I was a bit perplexed then realised it’s because no-one does it unless I say thank you first and kick it off.

Could it be this OP? Are you the one who messages first?

Honestly lower your expectations but maintain your standards when it comes to this kind of thing. People don’t always remember stuff, I can’t remember anyone’s birthday at all but will make a mental note when someone says one is coming up. But it’s really not personal.

Yup this, theres always one, I hadn’t realised it was me. If that person forgets no-one else will remember because honestly no-one has your kids birthday in their calendar.

I don't think your little girl will care.

And I don't think you should care either.

Perhaps just don't bother with these people?

Match their energy.

Somethibg like remembering kids birthdays was always gong to be dropped people are too busy. If you want then to enjoy celebrating invite them to a party with their dc.

Are you saying you suspect or know others have branched off and developed deeper friendships, and therefore will remember each other’s child’s birthdays?

That is also natural in a group, and it’s up to you to decide if this group still works for you, if you don’t feel valued or heard, I would quietly leave if that’s the case, the group may have run its course.

I’d gave added to the group something along the lines of “Wow, can’t believe little *** has turned two today, where has time gone?” 🙂

It's not actually about your daughter though, this is about you. You're the one offended and upset and wondering why your child was forgotten- that's your own insecurities.

People are busy, they don't remember everything and your child won't know any different or give a shit whether they remember her birthday or not!

If you're worried they don't like you enough to send a message to your toddler, leave the group.

Or just send a photo of her birthday cake/outfit/presents/day and say "X's birthday cake, she loved it" and that'll prompt them to wish her happy birthday.

You need to not be this bothered though, it'll only get worse as she gets older- people are too busy with their own lives to keep track of yours!

NCT often fall away after 1YO and it's about the mum's more than the kids. Life is hectic and kids are all consuming. I wouldn't consider NCT core friends just mumma mates. Close family yes (best friends, fairy godmother yes disappointed) but it says nothing about you as a mum or children and try and be kind to yourself and let it go.

Your daughter couldn’t care less if some random adults she doesn’t really know are wishing her birthday via text.

You’re making this about your feelings not hers.

she cares about waking up with her family and them making a fuss and then her nursery friends and carers doing the same.

Why, she can't read ot or understand it.
If you have a party that would be different, she would get a present and a card.
2, she can't even understand it or read it.

Jeez I am only vaguely aware when it's a friend's kids birthday - even my bestie I only know the month! They just forgot.

Honestly, I think you either have extreme pregnancy hormones or you need to seek therapy.
getting wound up over this to the point of wanting to leave the group is wild to me. If you want people to remember, give them a reason to. People have busy and complex lives, that don’t revolve around you.
Sorry to be harsh, but it’s a bugbear of mine.

That's all fine, except why was only OP's child forgotten? Think it is a fair question and doesn't need therapy ffs. Don' be harsh if you are going to be apologising 2 sentences later for being harsh. I suppose you are one of those ones who 'tell it like it is' 😁