To expect friends to message to say happy birthday to my LG?

[Nellie1027]

To give a bit of context my LG was 2 yesterday. I am part of an NCT group of mums who met when we were all pregnant. We have stayed in touch, but meet much less regularly now, maybe twice a year. We still message in the group a couple of times a month. I've always seen myself as an active member of the group, asking for and giving advice when needed.

The first of our little ones started turning 2 a few weeks ago (3 have turned 2 so far). Every time everyone has messaged in the group to say happy birthday, including myself. Yesterday no one messaged to say happy birthday to my little girl. It has honestly really upset me, I even reposted another friend's story on social media to see if it might prompt them to realise at about 8pm last night and still nothing.

I know I am prone to overreacting and being too emotional and caught up in things that I don't need to (I'm also 29 weeks pregnant with our second child which probably doesn't help), but it's really upset me to the point I just want to leave the group and tell them all how awful that has made me feel as a mum.

Would this upset you? Should I say something or just forget it? The next little one's birthday is in a couple of days and I know it's going to make me really angry when the birthday messages start coming in for him.

People won't have done it out of malice. Lives are busy and they likely genuinely forgot. If one person sends a message, it reminds the rest so it's not a case of everyone remembering every time.

Perhaps send a message with a pic of her enjoying her cake so they're all definitely aware they missed it.

Did you invite them to a party for her? Sometimes that prompts people to remember.

Most of all, don't take it personally. People have lots going on, and one day you'll be the forgetter.

Does it really matter op? Do you think they were trying to put you in your place and deliberately didn’t send a message?

Honestly sounds like they just forgot xx

It’s exhausting and unhealthy having expectations of people that are not core family or absolute best friends. Try not to rely on general people in your life to do easily forgotten things and you will save yourself the stress over it.

Ah I know it sounds petty, I think because it's my little girl she deserves better. It seemed none of the other children needed prompts to be remembered, so why mine.

I know everyone has lives to get one with, I guess maybe I just organise mine differently to others and it's not something I would have forgotten. Appreciate I am different to everyone else and that's not the case for everyone.

I only remember my own DC birthday as I have four of them! I don't remember much outside of family tbh. Life is so busy.

Happy birthday to your wee one🥳

Your daughter won't have been upset that some adults you know didn't wish her happy birthday. Post a picture of her cake if you want to prompt well wishes

It seemed none of the other children needed prompts to be remembered, so why mine.

tbf you don’t know that. Others could be on different am, private chats, have a birthday in common that reminds them. Once one says it everyone else if reminded

This! As above.
It’s done & dusted.
In your head you’ve been let down but today’s a new day so try not to dwell.
Time for big girl pants on.

Are you usually the first person to send birthday greetings and everyone follows so without your lead they all forgot. I think if you post a photo of your birthday celebrations they will then respond. It's a shame they forgot but maybe that would make you feel a bit better.

She’s two, though. She has no idea! This is about you, not her.

You have already given too much mental rental to this. Reposting on Fb to nudge people!? Come on, that’s not healthy.

Have a word with yourself, don’t take it personally, enjoy your child’s bday, and go on with your life.

If it’s anything like my NCT group there may be one “rememberer” who jogs everyone (you?), or people remembering particular kids’ bdays relative to their own - I still remember the bday of the little girl who was born on my daughter’s due date, three days before I had her.

They’re only two, you’re not a group which meets up frequently… I’d post a pic of Mary with a party hat on / eating cake and leave jt there.

I mean this in the nicest way OP, but even when people like you, like your daughter, enjoy your company, they won't always remember and/or prioritise sending you a text to wish a 2 year old Happy Birthday. Is it nice if they do? Of course. Is it essential? Of course not. I hope she had a lovely day.

If you genuinely think this was malicious then leave the group. But I'm sure you know that they forgot. As per pp, it only takes one to remember then the others follow because they are directly reminded. I bet it is the same few people remembering first every time, or maybe you usually post first...?

I think if you are feeling low, lonely, (not saying you are) then these things do stand out and can be upsetting.

I doubt it was with malice (unless a huge backstory).

I understand why you’re hurt, if the usual thing is to send messages and they didn’t for your little one.

It will have been oversight rather than a snub I’m sure. Still hurtful, but unintentionally.

If it’s generally a supportive group I would try to let it go. If it became a pattern then I would be more likely to leave.

Hope your little one had a lovely birthday.

I don’t think it’s personal. We were in a largish group and there are a few I will always remember. Like the first baby born, the one who was born super tiny, the one born on my due date etc. The rest just fall into ‘at some point over the 6 ish weeks they all arrived’

As soon as someone says HB or parents post a photo everyone then wishes them HBD.

Agreed. We were the last in our NCT group and almost everyone had "moved on" from the birthday month by the time ours arrived.
Everyone has moved away physically now so we don't meet up but we have a flurry of messages annually on their birthday 12 years later. That's always nice.

This is more about you than her. These people are also friends / socialising with you because you have children of a similar age. That feeling and state only continues until you get to the end of primary school.

The same happen with my son's first birthday, he was the last born in the group and probably a bit too close to the holiday. I was a bit meh on the day, but if I'm honest have no idea when their babies were born 😅(I could probably deduct a 2 weeks window if I tried!)

Is it usually you who remembers to start the happy birthday messages, and then everyone joins in?

I love my friends but only have a rough idea of when their DCs' birthdays are 😬

I understand it must feel hurtful but if you generally find the group supportive then I'd let it go.

Well if it isn't like MN to humble you on a Friday morning!

Appreciate the responses. Still feel sad but fine, I take your points, I'll move on!

And just to add, no I don't think anyone did anything out of malice, I'm just a sensitive soul as my grandad likes to call me

Agree with others - you are way overthinking this. I dont know the exact date of my friend's kids birthdays because there are so many of them now. I dont expect them to remember my children's birthdays either. I adore my friends and we are all very close- noone gets upset or outraged by it. It's no big deal.

My son's birthday is on Christmas Day and literally noone remembers that because they are all so caught up in their own christmases. It doesnt matter because we make a big deal of it so he isnt missing out.

She's 2- it doesnt affect her in any way. Accept that this is actually about your feelings and whilst it's fine to maybe feel a bit miffed, if they are otherwise kind and caring it would be silly to leave the group due to this. Its petty.

Do you know the exact dates of each of their children’s birthdays? I know I don’t know any apart from one of ours and the only reason I remember to wish happy birthday to their children is because they post about it on FB or another one of the group says it first. Your daughter ‘deserve better’ - she has no idea. Leaving the group would be a huge overreaction unless they are unkind, leave you out or just generally you don’t like them. Reposting on FB solely so one of them wishes her a happy birthday is a little strange…

I couldn't get worked up over this and I find your comment about your daughter 'deserving better' a little strange tbh.

I have a LOT of friends with children and I can rarely remember their birthdays. Family? Yes. But friends, no. I wouldn't expect them to remember my son's birthday either.