To voluntarily put my child into care

[Crumplesock]

We are at the point now where we think we may need to either put our eldest into the care system or seperate and live in 2 seperate homes to keep our children apart for fear that the eldest will seriously harm the younger two children. However, I'm not sure how we will actually finance two seperate homes (even 2 x 1bedroom flats).

Our son is autistic with a PDA profile. We are low demand parenting, and he does not attend school after being excluded and we are following his lead in Home Education. We followed the At Peace Parenting Course (which is amazing and so insightful, if not a little crazy on price!) but she told us we need to radically accept that this is our son's disability, this is part of it and we need to accommodate it. She shared how her family had to live sperately for a while. We are being advised by all the professionals that we are doing all we can for our son's needs and are accommodating and parenting him in line with his disabilities. But I just feel so broken at it.

As our son is getting bigger, his level of aggression is increasing and becoming harder to manage. We attempt to keep the children separated at all times but this is hard when there is only 1 parent at home and all 3 do need to be watched constantly.

Our other two children, and us parents too, are receiving multiple injuries daily.

Our son has taken to doing home workouts, which is absolutely brilliant and I want to encourage a healthy lifestyle but his strength is crazy. I've witnessed him do 20+ pull ups, he can now lift 1.5× his bodyweight in a Deadlift. I spoke to him about this passion of his and he said its so he can always make sure he is the strongest and to make people scared of him.

I know deep down there's a scared boy in there, whose doing this as a reaction to school trauma and being pushed around by school bullies (he had it quite bad). But it also terrifies me at how he is stronger than me and it won't be long before he levels with my husband.

I have spoke to Social Sevices today who has said they'll get a support package and stated that this is Child-on-parent (and sibling) abuse and that they do need to safe guard our other children

That was to @Gownsandteas

Yes, that post was tone-deaf given what OP is posting about the LA.

That's outrageous. Not sure if Essex will tough it out or have a reverse gear, but it's not uncommon here for the LA to refuse initially, but to engage once an appeal is lodged, and revise their position within a few weeks.

Sadly, Essex often doesn’t. They are fans of pushing absolutely pointless Way Forward meetings that are about fobbing parents off rather than a reasonable resolution. And when parents do appeal they often push it all the way.

You clearly don't know how the system works. In the absence of an EHCP, this isn't even an option. I wish people who don't understand how the system operate and is stacked against families would stop posting this completely batshit and naive advice

CAMHS was actually a successful meeting this morning! The woman was wonderful and offered to much support and listened properly. She is writing a letter to the school and to Essex LA stating he clearly has unmet SEN in his current setting and he is unable to attend this setting until appropriate support is properly funded.

She also will be putting him forward for autism support in the community and various therapies. With a wait time of 4 weeks (which isn't as bad as I feared!)

She's also rendered us to Banardos School and Education Advocacy so we will have someone independent to argue for his SEN.

[Post edited by MNHQ to remove identifying information]

Great update, but I think you accidentally named your child.

Ah oops! Thank you MN HQ for removing ti!

LA are so infuriating! Just had a phone call from some useless blocker, the SEND Quadrant Manager.

She kept stating that an assessment for an EHCP can't take place as he hasn't been assessed to see if he may benefit 🤦‍♀️

She also kept talking about doing a Team Around the Family meeting and keeping our son on roll and seeing what can take place to get him into school. But ofc all that's going to take weeks to organise 🤦‍♀️

@Crumplesock Sounds like an episode of “Yes, Minister “ that our Dad used to listen to.

Nuts.

Edit: Load of gobbledegook and going round in circles and wasting time.
You must feel massively frustrated.

@Crumplesock Have you a City Farm near you?
They do a lot of work with youngsters who benefit being around animals.

Oh its exactly like that!!

Yes, there's a Farm near us that he does therapy at. Also his OT is there too. All privately funded atm by us but I'm now going to request Essex pay for it, have been advised by CAMHS we can ask for this and also will have a Banardo’s Advocacy advisor too

Jost want to say how amazing you are @Crumplesock in your ability to advocate for your son and work through tough decisions. One thing this thread highlights is how dreadful the system is and I hate to think how many are broken or defeated by it.

Thank you, tbh I was at a very low point when I made this thread and I didn't know my options properly until I started to receive the advice on here

This is awful and horrible and illegal but also sadly totally the norm. Put in for the appeal straight away. Then refusing means absolutely nothing other than they are trying to delay as much as possible. They know they will lose at tribunal. It should be criminal really. But please don't lose heart!

@Crumplesock

OP, I was wondering having read your recent posts whether now is the moment when a written assessment from a Consultant Psychiatrist would really make a difference.

Isobel Heyman sees children in Cambridge as well as London. I would imagine that your kind of case comes under her remit, but, if not, she would suggest someone else, I'm sure.

I think that something important in your case will be written evidence from medical professionals - at this point, I'm not sure how much of that you have.

https://www.gosh.ae/consultants/professor-isobel-heyman

We have already seen one and are currently waiting for further input

If anyone is around and can advise, I'd be grateful. The LA have said they'll be carrying out a Child in Need S17 assessment tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous about this.

They're still refusing to do an EHCPA yet will do this? I believe this is in response to us sending them a JR initially letter last week.

Good for you for sending a JR letter. I wish I’d had the balls to do that.

I used to work for a LA (not in SEN) and I can say that JR made my LA jump to attention pretty quickly. Costs them a lot too. My LA used to immediately engage a barrister. Hopefully your LA takes them equally seriously.

Can’t advise about the assessment tomororw, but I’ll be thinking of you. It’s good that they are listening and assessing.

Woahhhhh hold on. Has anyone discussed medication? He should be on fluoxetine which is calming for asd pda profiles. We did thid and it was life changing. Do not send your child away or split your family. That will be infinitely more traumatic. He needs medication to be able to then have emotional support and therapy.

Can you get a good psychiatrist to assess? DM me and I will tell you ours

OP best of luck tomorrow.

What is a JR?

JR = Judicial Review

CAMHS and GP won't prescribe him meds, we did discuss. They said he's too young and they don't want to risk the long term side effects. Tbh I didn't push it much further as I'm so nervous about what to say/do.

I'm trying to stay positive about tomorrow, hoping it will lead to a OT, maybe some funding to create a better environment here at home? Idk. I'm also terribly nervous as I keep hearing how LA will use this to damn our family instead

Easier said than done, but try not to worry. If you have time, worth reading this booklet from Contact beforehand for a quick overview of what can be provided and the actual law rather than what the LA may like you to believe.

Have you requested an OT assessment separate to the social care assessment? If not, look in to that.

@Commonsense22 JR is judicial review. Although I suspect OP actually meant a pre-action protocol letter, which is what needs to be sent before JR proceedings.