Friend asking for toys she gave my baby 6 years ago back

[daniellegreg1]

Just that really.
A friend kindly gave me lots of baby toys, clothes and equipment when I had my first DC 6 years ago. I as really grateful as it saved me a lot of money at the time.
Recently, the friend has been asking for one particular toy set back - said it's of sentimental value as it was a gift from a relative of hers who died when she was young.
At no time when "giving" me the items did the friend say she wanted/needed them back. She gave them without any conditions etc.
As you can imagine, 6 years is a long time and I have periodic clearouts where I donate outgrown things to charity shops.
I honestly have no clue which charity shop I donated said toy set to. I've tried explaining to friend that had she wanted things back, then this should have been made clear at the time of giving them to me.

It's a bit strange she'd give a sentimental toy set in the first place.

There's nothing you can do, just tell her as it's been six years and you didn't know she'd want them back you've donated them to the charity shop.

When you say “you’ve tried to explain”…
Surely she now knows you haven’t got it and that’s the end of the matter? What more is there to say?

What did she say?

It's insanity that she would lend such a sentimental toy anyways.
But then to not tell you she wants it back is just beyond comprehension.

Could you find the same thing on Ebay and claim to have found it in storage?

Not that you should have to.

This is all on her.

Yeah you don’t give stuff away and expect them to keep it in a pile for you 6 years later.

It doesn’t make sense that it’s suddenly sentimental.

So what did she say when you told her you don't have it? I feel like you've missed the second half of your story.

shocking! make sure you ask for the t&c of all the future gifts you receive from them!

That’s just daft. Not a lot you can do now anyway.

Honestly, I have had this happen to me and it's annoying. Unless you make it really clear when you give something to someone that you are only lending it to them, then you shouldn't be expecting it back.

I have a family member that has turned up with a bag of clothes and given them to me and said "here Ella, I had a sort out of clothes, thought you might like them" and then asked for them back 2 years later!! I am not your personal storage company.

OP- you have done nothing wrong.

I'm not trying to be obtuse but what did she say when you explained that you no longer had it?

What happened next?

It was up to her to make it clear if she wanted the stuff back. And even if she had made that clear, waiting six years to ask for it back is ridiculous.

Seriously, op, you’ve told her - what did she say in response?
I suspect there’s no ongoing saga at all.

This is so wild I have to ask if this behaviour is out of character? If so, has something happened to make her suddenly act so peculiar. A bereavement?

How weird.
Your "friend" probably gave you a toy for baby then and now found it's potentially saleable for a small fortune 😂

I don't understand how the conversation has gone? Have you specifically told her that you don't have it anymore, or been more vague?

Saying that though...if someone has passed on baby/child items to me I do always ask if they want them back once I'm done with them, before passing them on/donating.

Fine but for me there is a politeness involved if you toss something someone has given you like that to say something like “I”m having a clear out and don’t need xxxx you gave me anymore. Would you like it back or are you happy for me to get rid”. But then when I give someone something like that I also say I don’t want it back when they are done.

She's seen it for sale somewhere online, realises it was worth money and now wants back to sell it.

Why does she "keep asking"?
Have you not clearly said, "I'm sorry friend but I don't have it any more. I must have given it away. You didn't say at the time that you wanted it back and it's been 6 years"?

She should have said at the time that it was sentimental and she was happy to lend it to you but would need it back. But really she shouldn't have lent something sentimental in the first place. What if your child broke it?

People are daft.

is it a common toy you could pick up for her from a charity shop? If you want to keep the friendship, you could give her a random one and say its the one

Yes - what happened next?????

I've just had a friend message me this week asking for a sling "back". I'm sure at the time I asked if she wanted it back or for me to pass it onto another mum when I was done, which I did! Unfortunately she doesn't remember this, and is now asking for lots of things that I thought were hand me down gifts to be returned. If people are loaning things they need to say! I definitely gave back a bag of clothes to one friend immediately when she said they were of sentimental value.

Yes, if someone gives anyone anything (baby things or otherwise) without indicating that it's a loan and they'd like the item back, they can't expect the recipient to somehow read their mind.

A toy or any baby item is particularly likely to be broken or lost, and six years is a long time to wait to ask for something back. Most people won't keep baby toys that long, unless they're saving them in hopes of having another baby soon.

YANBU!

Literally😂

My guess is she's found they have some kind of collector value and wants them back to cash in. Bit late!

I've voted you're not being unreasonable but there prehaps a lesson here for accepting secondhand items - always ask what they would like you do with them when you're done, maybe even ask them before you get rid of them especially bigger items.

To me if you give something away you don't get it back unless it's stated extremely clearly at the time that it's a loan, but others don't think like that.

I once loaned my family member a tonne of baby clothes, even some designer outfits etc and made it extremely clear I'd like them back when her DC grew out of them (the designer outfits and certain sets, all of which were marked on the labels) . I said it multiple times. I then seen her post on social media months later offering baby clothes for free to anyone who needed them...sadly my items were gone. I was furious but what was done, was done.

I guess there is a lesson here for you and for the friend, but nothing can be done now.