Friend asking for toys she gave my baby 6 years ago back

[daniellegreg1]

Just that really.
A friend kindly gave me lots of baby toys, clothes and equipment when I had my first DC 6 years ago. I as really grateful as it saved me a lot of money at the time.
Recently, the friend has been asking for one particular toy set back - said it's of sentimental value as it was a gift from a relative of hers who died when she was young.
At no time when "giving" me the items did the friend say she wanted/needed them back. She gave them without any conditions etc.
As you can imagine, 6 years is a long time and I have periodic clearouts where I donate outgrown things to charity shops.
I honestly have no clue which charity shop I donated said toy set to. I've tried explaining to friend that had she wanted things back, then this should have been made clear at the time of giving them to me.

There's nothing you can do about it. The items are gone and you can't get them back. This is your friend's problem as you don't give things expecting them back unless explicitly stated. Even then, if it's a sentimental item, that's at your own risk and there must be some expectation that the item will be lost or damaged. I have a feeling she wants you to purchase these items again to replace them and I would not be doing that.

I think she knows well that you no longer have the precious toy, and may be angling for you to pay her for a replacement or something.

A friend brought a toy of sentimental value for my child to enjoy and stated she’d like it back after they had outgrown it: we have put it on a shelf for fear of doing anything to it but she was clear. Other things she has just given freely. Your friend should have been clear. I do check when it comes to getting rid of things but I’m an over thinker and other people really don’t bother to

If I were your family member I wouldn't have accepted your loan. New baby clothes can be bought cheaply and most people get bags of second, third and fourth hand clothes, passed on and to be passed on.

I had a few special dress up for photos items, and yes, they meant a lot so I kept them safe [wrapped up in the attic never to be seen again]

Obvs you wouldn't do this with brand new stuff, but anything second hand I always checked when given if they'd want it back in future.

If you hadn't done this I think you're a bit U to not have had a simple conversation about it when you cleared out. "Hey X, Y has grown out of the toy you gave me for her - do you want it back or should I charity shop it?"

Could your friend be really hard up and looking for things to sell again on Ebay or similar? What did she say when she handed over the items...was it clearly a gift? tbh unless it was a Victorian doll's house or something handmade or obviously rare I'd not think to offer something back, but pass it on as baby and child items can only go through so many uses before becoming shabby and manky

I think this.

Oh I'm very much in the minority I see! I wouldn't give any baby items away until I had offered them back first! Unless they definitely said they didn't ant them back of course.

Maybe people don't always remember which secondhand toys or clothes were given to them by whom.
Also, buying the toy on eBay won't work because it's not the actual one bought by the relative.
It's bonkers. You're not at fault, OP.

I wonder if she's just realised it is valuable and is giving a reason to ask for it back.

She may think you have also realised and have sold it or are holding onto it.

If you've given it away then you have. If she's an arse about it she is not a friend.

Urgh had loads of batshit stuff like this with DH's side.
Last time was a large expensive item bought by DH's Aunt that our youngest had outgrown. Knowing she'd be fuming if it went to anyone outside the family we offered it to another member of DH's family on the other side. They said yes, lovely thanks. Days later family member's Dad says they don't want it after all, shall they take it to the tip? High cost item in excellent condition but they are the type to just chuck everything 🤦‍♀️so we say no, we'll definitely have it back as there are other family members who would love it. Text a few days later from family member's Dad saying they've given it away to some random person they don't even know on facebook, hope that's OK?
Of course flipping not!! But too late to do anything about it now, so had to suck it up and resolved never to give them anything again. Dreading when DH's aunt inevitably finds out its gone 🙄 hope random kid is at least getting some joy from it.

Haha so wrapped up in my post I forgot to add - you have done NOTHING wrong op, yes you could have asked before getting rid but equally she could have made it clear it was only on loan x

I admit to to doing the same. If stuff came with a request for it back, I just put it away somewhere until it was outgrown.

I agree.

My friend was having a clear out and asked if any of us (group with young children) wanted some of her children's old baby toys. I said yes.

Two years later I was having a clear out. I asked my friend if she wanted the toys back or if she was happy for me to pass them. I knew she wouldn't mind, but it seemed the polite thing to do and avoided any potential drama.

I bet this is exactly it! If it was that sentimental she wouldn’t have given it away in the first place.

What is the toy set?

That is just weird, it was her responsibility 6 years ago to say this is a very sentimental item, if you one day choose you don't want it anymore, please let me know and I'll have it back. You've done nothing wrong. Make it clear to her that if she had told you it was precious you'd have kept it but it's long gone

This
Surely there's not much you can say to "sorry I no longer have it"?

I mean - I would do this too unless they came to me very obviously second hand and the person had no further use for them (what would their now 17 year old do with a GAP cardigan for a toddler.)

It's asking for trouble to take things of sentimental value. I have given stuff away and lent a Moses basket that had sentimental value - I didn't want it sold on Facebook or given away to a rando (I have it back now.) But if it had broken I would have understood, of course. It can be difficult to draw this distinction with people though - there are a lot of posts here where people sell stuff they've been given which comes across as a big grabby somehow.

OTOH: I have had someone get offended when I stopped taking the cast offs (if you saw our house you would understand why) and another friend who filled her boot with her sons' clothes to pass onto me before I'd even had my second and knew what I was having. Right before a house move too.

She’s insane for giving away something of sentimental value, no one would accept under those conditions! I gave away some old books to a friend who was concerned they might have sentimental value but I assured her they did not.

OP isn't coming back it seems. A non drama about nothing.

Can u find it on eBay?

I do within reason. Bunch of babygrows no, big item like bouncer etc yes. But anything I have I give freely and don’t expect back

Don't believe this for a second. She probably wants to sell it. If someone asked me for a toy given 6 years ago I would laugh out loud. There is a big box to donate toys at chrristmas and I have a yearly cleanout. I would tell her to take comfort in that a child whose parents don't have the means to buy stuff got this sentimentally loaded toy. But she can probably find the same one on Vinted 😅

Is it a Lego Millennium Falcon?

You can accept hand me downs but not from crazy people.

I explained to people who gave me stuff that if my DD didn't use it then it would be passed on. So they knew if it was sentimental not to give it to me or to tell me it was.

Likewise I made it clear to people I passed stuff on to their job was to make good use of it.