Friend asking for toys she gave my baby 6 years ago back

[daniellegreg1]

Just that really.
A friend kindly gave me lots of baby toys, clothes and equipment when I had my first DC 6 years ago. I as really grateful as it saved me a lot of money at the time.
Recently, the friend has been asking for one particular toy set back - said it's of sentimental value as it was a gift from a relative of hers who died when she was young.
At no time when "giving" me the items did the friend say she wanted/needed them back. She gave them without any conditions etc.
As you can imagine, 6 years is a long time and I have periodic clearouts where I donate outgrown things to charity shops.
I honestly have no clue which charity shop I donated said toy set to. I've tried explaining to friend that had she wanted things back, then this should have been made clear at the time of giving them to me.

I do think when you are given any baby items it’s polite to first ask them if the person wants them back before you get rid. But I personally wouldn’t get too wound up about it.

Nothing to be done now. You can't give her what you don't have, no matter how many times she asks or how sentimental the toy set was.

When I give stuff away I make sure not to give sentimental stuff because I don't expect to get the stuff back

Edit to say I meant to quote @Didimum

I think it depends on what it is and how it's given. A friend has given us some things that she was initially advertising on marketplace so obviously actually wanted rid of. I won't worry about donating those to charity (and would have paid the friend for them if she'd have accepted the money).

Another friend has very kindly given us a lot of clothes beautifully handmade by her Mum, who used to have a small business selling children's clothes. They are new with tags (left over stock) so not 'sentimental' as such but I will save them all and offer them back for future babies in their family when we're done with them.

What did she say when you told her you don't have it anymore OP?

I don't get why she keeps asking when obviously there is no chance of getting it back?

I suspect the OP hasn't clearly stated that she has given the item away and has made some kind of non-committal wishy washy statement about having to have a look for them, can't find them at the moment, might be in a box at the back of the attic rather etc.

Ugh. People like this are nuts. You can't ungive a 'gift' retrospectively, especially years later.. It's not longer yours to decide what should happen to it, especially years later.

Just be clear with her, OP. You no longer have it as it was a gift and she never said she expected it back someday.

I can understand your thought process but that is a massive headache for someone given that baby and children's clothes can be picked up for next to nothing. Having to remember which stuff I had that didn't actually belong to me, in order to return it, being worried about it getting ruined with blackcurrant juice or tomato sauce or left at nursery. To be fair, I probably would have just turned it down.

ROFL sentimental my arse more like she’s seen how much it fetches on eBay

what was the toy?

If I was gifted something that looked sentimental or expensive I would always offer back in a 'we have finished with X, do you want it back or shall I pass it on to someone else' type thing.

Maybe she has found out that these toys are quite rare now and are selling for a lot of money? So she made up a load of rubbish about it having sentimental value when she in fact only wants it back to sell?

Why would she need to make up that it's sentimental value, and not monetary?

Surely she could just say 'I've seen that toy I passed on to you goes for £60 on eBay, do you still have it? Wouldn't mind making some cash before Xmas'

Just be honest.
Say that you really appreciated the help but some things you have given away.
Ask her for a list of the particular things she would like back.
Then look for them.

If you don't have them, tell her what you did with them as best you can. This is not because you should have kept them but because she is your friend and you are helping her locate something important to her.
Suggest she looks in local Op shops or on-line.

You could purchase one yourself to give back to her.
You could gather up all the things that you have that were hers, give them to her and say thanks for the lend.

I would say that relies on you remembering who gave it to you. We got so many random bits and bobs and outfits I'd struggle to recall now years later who gave what.

Ok so she gave you the items. 6 years later wants them back. You said sorry, I don't have them. You gave them to me 6 years ago. I didn't know you wanted them back. They went to a charity shop. What would you want me to do at this point
Or words to that effect given you said you tried to explain.

What has she replied to your explanation? What does she want from you?

as others say what does 'tried explaining' mean. she sounds a bit thick.

just say - look - I gave them away - if there is anything very specific perhaps you couuld find a version on ebay as a concilation to smooth the friendship?

Surely you can tell older toys from new toys. Even baby toys will have changed over the last 30 years.
Was it character based that's now maybe worth something?

Not much you can do about it

This. She's realised the toy has some monetary value.

One of my sil did this with clothes, every week a big black of baby clothes, then on to toddler clothes etc she had kept everything ! Most wasn't usable, stained, musty smell even after washing, holes, faded. I kept telling her that I had enough but she kept giving saying she liked to help me out, then one day asks for them all back, she wanted everything saying one of her friends had a baby and wanted to give them. I was shocked cos I binned most, the ones I did use were mixed in with what I bought and presents, she was so annoyed. Taught me a lesson to never accept hand me downs again.

If you've got rid of it and you've told her that surely that's the end of the story?

Me and my family/friends all do exactly this and offer it back before giving it away/tossing out, It’s the more courteous thing to do. To ask for it back after 6 years is odd though, I would just quietly think you were rude not to offer it back instead 🤣

Maybe it wasn't her toy to give and now she is being asked for it back

What people say and what people hear aren't always the same.

I once lent a dress for a friend's dd, and I remember the conversation clearly where I said I'd like it back, and she replied.

She had no recollection of this conversation, and I know her well enough to know that she wasn't pretending. She had no need to... She'd just passed the dress back with a pile of other clothes for my dd that her dd has grown out of.

Ooh, I hate this. Somebody gave me (I believed) a book they thought would interest me, and years later asked for it back. I couldn't find it and bought them another copy, but was really irritated that they hadn't made it clear it was a loan.
I think you'll just have to say sorry but you treated the things she gave you as you treated your own outgrown items, ie by donating them to someone else.

I've have permutations of this scenario

Friend gave me baby clothes

One particular beautiful hand knitted jumper

My DS appeared on a photo in facebook

Turns out the jumper belonged to another friend, who had passed it on then it came to me

Original friend was NOT HAPPY!

I somehow felt guilty even though i knew nothing about it's origin