Friend asking for toys she gave my baby 6 years ago back

[daniellegreg1]

Just that really.
A friend kindly gave me lots of baby toys, clothes and equipment when I had my first DC 6 years ago. I as really grateful as it saved me a lot of money at the time.
Recently, the friend has been asking for one particular toy set back - said it's of sentimental value as it was a gift from a relative of hers who died when she was young.
At no time when "giving" me the items did the friend say she wanted/needed them back. She gave them without any conditions etc.
As you can imagine, 6 years is a long time and I have periodic clearouts where I donate outgrown things to charity shops.
I honestly have no clue which charity shop I donated said toy set to. I've tried explaining to friend that had she wanted things back, then this should have been made clear at the time of giving them to me.

I wouldn’t lend a baby/ toddler a sentimental toy as they can get broken or damaged. If it was a baby item that I wanted back, I would make that clear, but would still understand with small children things can get damaged/ stained etc. If it was something that important I just wouldn’t lend it. You can’t be expected to store items for 6 years.

yeah people are werid. I was given loads of things and almost everything was given, but some high value items were meant. And one friend gave me a bag of various age used clothes to “borrow” frankly I don’t the time or headspace to keep track so I’ve just left the bag untouched in my loft, intending to return at some point.

I had this when my youngest was a baby with a load of second hand clothes 'given' to me by a friend. No mention of wanting them back. A year later she asks for them. Most are either trashed or donated. Such an awkward conversation and I resolved never to accept anything from anyone again unless they are very clear about not wanting them back. Whether it's toys, clothing or whatever there's far too high of a chance that it will get damaged and I just cba with the awkwardness.

If it's a good friend I'd probably offer to pay for a replacement and take it as a lesson learnt. 6 years is an insanely long period of time to ask for something back though. Who keeps their own stuff for that long never mind someone else's!

I would just return the toy to her now, what's the point of having it but putting it away out of fear of damaging it? I wouldn't want that hanging over me

YANBU.. After 6 years I wouldn't even ask if you still had it and if she had said it was on loan( which she didn't) then I wouldn't have taken it
My guess would be she now realised it's vintage and she could get money for it
How did the conversation go?

Exactly, it's like the sword of Damocles!

"said it's of sentimental value as it was a gift from a relative of hers who died when she was young."

That's a lie. She would never have given it to you in the first place were it of such sentimental value. At the very least she'd have mentioned it to you at the time she gave it to you.

I suspect that this "one particular toy set" has become collectable, and therefore valuable. I suggest you google it, look it up on Ebay, that sort of thing. Do come back and tell us if you find this is the case!

It would offend her as it’s something that means a lot to her and would be taken as rejection

Surely she would be more upset if anything happened to it in your care. I can't imagine dealing with such sensitive friends. They insist you have the damn thing but also expect it to be returned. In a child's home there is almost no guarantee of that, especially when the thing is a toy to be played with and enjoyed.

Has it suddenly become much sought after 'vintage' and she wants to sell it?

If she asked for them back and you said you haven't got them and that's been the end of the conversation then that's fair enough. There's nothing wrong with her just asking if you have them.

If she asked for them back and you said you haven't got them and she's reacted badly to that even though she never mentioned them being sentimental or that she'd want them back then she's out of order. That's ridiculous.

If she asked for them back and you haven't even responded to her yet so have no idea what her reaction will be then this is a completely pointless thread. Be honest with your friend that you didn't know and It's been 6 years.

If it was really important she shouldn’t have given it to you, 6 years is really too long to expect it back unless she’d requested that in the first place.

My friend gave /lent me a load of things when I had my baby. Before I passed them on, I asked her if she wanted them back. I knew with some things she would - ie baby changer as I knew she was planning on having more kids - others she was happy for me to charity shop or pass on to other people. I think it would have been polite to ask her if she wanted any of the things back before you got rid - but 6 years later - she can't be surprised you haven't kept them unless you have had subsequent children.

Awkward! People are strange.

Assuming they were not particularly valuable I would think it's reasonable to just give them away. Most people give away toys and clothes to save space so why would she want them back and if she did she should have said. Just tell her sorry you didn't realised they were of sentimental value and you gave them away years ago.

I lent a friend a book years ago, then saw it was worth 2 or 3 hundred... woops. Tried to ask for it back saying I'd like to lend it to someone else but he never replied. My fault!

It was a gift. No returns allowed.

she should have told you that she wanted them back when your little one was done with them, then. she should have said, I'm giving you THESE things, but these things, I would like back when you're done with them.

If it was sentimental, why did she give it to you?

Should have told you if she wanted them back.

My friend asked for one toy back as it had sentimental value & you couldn't get them anymore. She was so intense about it I put it aside & didn't use it, then handed it back.

MIL, on the other hand, gave me hideous 1950's style baby clothes knitted by some distant relative of her SIL. I only got them because SIL & every other relative refused them & DH is too soft to say no. I thought she was just offloading them.

Now, it's a hot climate & I prefer clothes from this century. So they went in a bag in the cupboard. I got rid of them in a cleanout a couple of years later. MIL was apoplectic when she asked for them back another couple of years after that, presumably to lend to another poor unsuspecting new mother.

I learned to ask if they wanted things back before taking them!!

My friend did this - also commented that they didn’t feel we were looking after things well enough! She can be a little unhinged though.

It’s bizarre to me. If its a loan, they need to say so (and I would b never have accepted as it would be too stressful monitoring the kids use of it!)

Uugh, something similar happened to me a few years back and I still feel shit about it! I had my 1st DC a few years after most of my friends so I received loads of hand me downs, which I'm so grateful for. Then 2 years or so after my 1st was born, one of my friends asked me for some clothes back that her very clotse relative who had just died had made by hand 💔🥲 1) I could not for the life of me remember which items they were (I'd been given around 5-6 big bin bags of stuff from 4-5 different people), 2) I had no clue that they had been handmade by that person, 3) I hadn't expected to have to give back any of the hand me downs (ok that's stupid of me, but to my defence, and of course she couldn't have known either, we hadn't agreed on this). I had to ask her to describe exactly the items, and luckily, I managed to find all but 1 of them and gave them back (although a couple of them had stains that didn't come off 😭). I still feel so bad about this, now I make sure when receiving hand me downs what the person will want back (and I take extra care of it, or I don't use it at all as I'm so scared to damage it, I'm very clumsy!).

I agree, if it's something I need to give back, I'd rather not have it, simply because me, my partner and my kids are all super clumsy, heavy handed and messy eaters 🤣🤣🤣

She is being odd, keep saying to her if it was recently you took the item to x charity shop then she needs to go look for it. People can't give things to people or shouldn't with conditions unless it's when you have finished can I use it for my children.

In future make sure you ask if they'll want them back. I always do. There were incorrect assumptions on both sides here.