How old is too old to have a baby?

[Shaz83]

Just wondering how old is too old to have a baby? Fair enough being healthy etc is fine.. but how old is too old?

I wanted all mine by 30 and so I had them all by 29 and sterilised. I appreciate that's early by most standards. I have a friend trying to conceive at 42 and I think it's too old. I'm 37 and it's the last thing I would want right now.

I had mine at 36 and 39.

I hadn't wanted babies until I met DH and my DSD. We got married on the basis that i didn't want kids. He said that was fine; he already had his daughter.

We used to have her every weekend from about 6 on Fridays until late Sunday evening because her mum worked. I'd never spent any time with kids - career girl all the way. DH worked half days on Saturdays so DSD and I spent time alone.

I gradually learned about children. We played together and I read her stories. She was seven and the most darling child. After a few years I realised that I'd like a child of my own.

So I told DH I'd changed my mind and he just gave me his slow smile. He must have seen it coming.

I'd left it late. We agreed we'd try but if it didn't happen we'd let it go. No IVF etc.

We started trying to conceive at Christmas and I was pregnant by Valentine's Day. It was amazing, and three years later we had our second child.

I would strongly recommend having kids later. I didn't get desperately knackered (though tbh both of mine were chilled out easy sleepers like DH) but I had endless patience and having thoroughly enjoyed my single life I never resented the limits imposed on me by small children.

My relationship with DSD went from strength to strength. I'm a step grandma now. Her DM wanted her to leave school at 16. I had higher hopes for her and my family helped her get her degree financially. In one sense I owe her my babies and she owes me her degree. I feel we're both lucky.

I think it's very personal decision and base on individuals unique circumstances - though think evolution average cut off dates do make sense risk wise for most people.

I didn't want them past 35/36 - but then I'd had as many as I initially wanted by then-( we could have gone on but decided not to for a variety of reasons). If I hadn't would probably have considered later ages.

In DH family one of his parents is a twin to a real outlier pg ( very post 45 ) to point posters on here insist it much be a covered up teen pg - except there were no teens in family to cover for at the time and twins are very much in family mould - menopause struck that maternal line very late and pg was high risk and was considered usual at time. They had a happy childhood and parents said they kept them young - DH just remembers them though his parents had him very young which obviously helps with that.

I think nature will decide to some extent what too old is. I'm perimenopausal and my periods are very erratic and I think it would be very difficult to get pregnant again for me (mid 40s).

I was 35 and 38 when I had mine. I was too young to have them in my 20s (immature and financially unstable). I am too old to have them in my 40s (after 2 high risk pregnancies I would worry another one would kill me and leave my babies without a mother).

For me, it isn't the age you have them that you need to think about so much as the age you will be when they are a teenager and you need to pick them up at 1am from a party, or the age when you need to help fund university fees, or the age you might want to retire and travel the world but can't because you still have children to support, or the age when you might have grandkids but be too old to run around with them, or the age they will be when you need care or die.

I had all mine before I was 30, now mine are in teens and 20s and I'm early 40s. health wise I'm glad I had them then because a health condition I have now diagnosed in 30s means I am often exhausted. If I was fully healthy I'd have a higher cut off like 44 maybe , lots of people I was at school with are just in toddler stages now and some of them find it tough but others are loving it .

You take what life gives you. I wanted kids young but didn't meet DH until later in life. So I 'very had mine in my 40s and yes I wish I was younger.
There are advantages though like not being totally skint and generally being more relaxed about everything.

35 for me. That pregnancy was a right slog.

I was 35 and 38 with mine, which is about average where I live. Pregnant first month trying both times. Ideally I'd have had them earlier but I didn't meet my DH until I was in my 30s.

I wanted mine before 30 as well. Had my second 2 months after my 30th birthday. Now at 45, I feel the timing is perfect. My nurturing hormones are dipping, however they don't need as much nurturing now.

I m soooo glad I didn't have another at 39/40, when I felt a bit broody. I would really not like to be facing into 10 years of primary school picks ups and parties. I ld hate to be hanging around in kids party centres now.

I had zero family help, if you have a lot of support, then it's easier at any age.

Probably 40. The thought of perimenopause and a baby or toddler isn’t a good combo.

45. With a life expectancy of 80, you can still be around for a reasonable portion of your child's life.

However 41 hits the note of not being in your sixties when they're in their teens... My mum was 42 when she had me.

I'm one and done at 35.

For me, 35. But I’m sure if I hadn’t had babies by then, my answer would probably be 45.

Menopause.

For me personally, mid 30s.

Edit Mid 30s for me having a baby I mean. Not my opinion is mid 30s is the oldest other women should have babies

Thing is, it's easy to set an arbitrary deadline when you've already had kids.

To everyone saying mid 30s, if you weren't in a position to start trying until late 30s, say, would you have chosen to remain childless?

Late 30s I would say. I had mine at 33 and 36. If I wasn't pregnant by 37 the second time that was my cut off to stop. I don't want to be dealing with nappies in my 40s x

For me personally I think 35 I had ds4 at 35 and Dd at 37 they are now 9 and 11 and I feel that 37 was just too old for me.
Its only 2 years difference but I really noticed it with the two pregnancies I had severe spd/pgp in Ds pregnancy and I think I still struggled more in my pregnancy with Dd with mild spd/pgp..
i had my other children at 19,20 and 27 and they were very easy.

Such a good question? Let’s see what people say.

Yes I think I would have remained childless.
As I would have felt too old as I lost my parents when they were 50 and 51 so I would have been worried about what would happen to my young child if I unfortunately passed away that young as well

@Bbqnights
'Too old' only applies to subsequent children IMO. As stated, you don't always have the choice with your first. I doubt that people avoid trying because they're 'too old'.
There are also people who TTC in their early 30's but finally have their baby close to a decade later after multiple miscarriages etc.

Being older, with money for nannies, private midwives , or a support network is very different from being older, more tired but also skint.

To answer PPs question, if I hadn't had kids by 35, then I would have remained childless.

I was already on the fence about having them anyway, and I think if for whatever reason I couldn't have had children, then I'd have remained childfree. I personally wouldn't have gone down the route of IVF, but I understand why people do and why people have children a bit older.

It's a personal choice.

My Dad was 50 when I was born but men seem to have more flexibility when it comes to ages.

It's a really personal thing isn't it? I had my two young, I'm 38 now with and almost 18yo and a 15yo, I can't imagine having a baby now. It feels like the young child stage was so long ago and although I loved it at the time I love being the parent to older teens now. Equally if you want children/more children at 38 then I don't see anything wrong with that.

It's hard for me to say what is 'too old' because I was done at 23, everything past that was a no from me which I know is definitely not 'normal'.

Absolutely agree. I had my dc in my mid-late 30s because I was determined to be financially secure before having dc. Most of my mum friends have been roughly the same age. In my circle, it is unusual to have dc in your 20s. So for me, the cut off was 40.

But I have a friend who had a surprise pregnancy at 46. After trying to conceive for 20 years. Yes it is late but she is very healthy. They are both doing v well.

Would she have chosen to be a mum of a teenager in her 60s? Probably not. Can anyone begrudge her having the baby? Absolutely not.

I think, I would have had them later, and perhaps because it would be all NEW to me at that later stage, it might have worked out equally as well.

Mothering teens, with older, frail grandparents, I feel closer to being a young granny than an older mother. I ld love to be a young granny.

My ex H s colleagues/friends that are in their mid 50s and still going to play centres etc, are jealous of his freedom.

There is no perfect timing though.

When you've gone through the menopause. Arlene Phillips had a child at 47 and a friend of mine had her first child at 24 and her final one at 49. (With the same partner).

I met my DH late, struggled with infertility for 10 years, and adopted at 44. I am very happy with it 16 years later, but I wouldn't have chosen to start that late.