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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How old is too old to have a baby?

611 replies

Shaz83 · 14/11/2024 11:40

Just wondering how old is too old to have a baby? Fair enough being healthy etc is fine.. but how old is too old?

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Shaz83 · 18/11/2024 13:49

Shaz83 · 18/11/2024 13:49

Good for you!

Nice to read posts like yours ❤️

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TrixieFatell · 18/11/2024 13:53

I enjoyed being a younger mum, I enjoy being an older mum. I don't get the judgement about someone planning and having a baby they can love and take care of if they are a certain age.

Shaz83 · 18/11/2024 13:55

Kneebonefuture · 18/11/2024 13:35

Lol no, to point out all your inaccuracies. Is the 9 year old actually yours? As you seem very keen to leave them out of all your descriptions of your family. I have 3 under 4, except the 9 year old. I've had back to back pregnancies, you know, except the 9 year old.

No one is leaving comments to make you look stupid, I don't think you need any help in that regard.

Edited

Also she was mentioned in one of my posts so why you or others think I left my 9 year old blows my mind 😂😂 anyway clearly u and others are very angry people and not happy in your own life’s to carry on picking at the same thing. But do u know what I find it genuinely funny 🤣 can’t wait for the next comment hahaha

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Crushed23 · 18/11/2024 14:24

Firebird83 · 18/11/2024 10:25

I have a Masters degree and had my children at 28 and 32, so not all “highly educated” women have their children in their late 30s!

That's why I said "on average".

I have a Masters degree too and not one person in my social circle became a parent in their 20s.

That post pointing out that university educated professionals tend to have children later in life was in no way an 'odd comment'. It's the truth.

SallyWD · 18/11/2024 14:38

Kneebonefuture · 18/11/2024 13:36

Is a masters highly educated?

Yes it is. It means a person has a university degree plus a masters degree. If that doesn't equal highly educated, I don't know what does.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/11/2024 18:39

EarthlingHere · 15/11/2024 20:50

I’m 30, only just met someone (6 months) so unlikely we will be able to have children now. My heart is absolutely broken but think we’ve just left it too late. Partner is 31 now.

Wtf. Why

Have a couple of years together and kids at 34/35

Why is it a no at 30

You are young

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/11/2024 18:42

He11oKitty · 16/11/2024 00:00

I hate these threads because I’m 36 and we’re hoping IVF works for us… so depressing to read all these comments like it’s already too late and we’ll be too tired to enjoy it even if it does work 😢

I didn't start ivf till 39/40 due to dh dying and obv finding a new dh

Not sure if you have read all replies but I was almost 44 when gave birth

Dd is now 7 nearly 8

Don't be disheartened

worldwidetravel2017 · 19/11/2024 08:30

My friends preg at 45 nearly 46

Donor eggs used but yea

Flumoxed · 20/11/2024 09:45

www.facebook.com/share/r/1DdAqsDjNv/

Shaz83 · 20/11/2024 10:39

Flumoxed · 20/11/2024 09:45

lol 😂 this was too funny 😆

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marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 20/11/2024 10:43

Excellent!

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/11/2024 14:28

So if I have this right @Shaz83

You have 4kids. 3 under 4 including twins and a 9yr

Preg with 5th

and wondering if have a 6th and then 42 be too old ?

mrlistersgelfbride · 20/11/2024 15:53

For me personally I'd do it until my periods stopped but I had a very easy pregnancy first time round (at 32, I'm 39 now).
I think anything above 45 is pushing it though.
So to answer your original question, 45 for women and 50 for men.

pumpkinpillow · 20/11/2024 16:25

mrlistersgelfbride · 20/11/2024 15:53

For me personally I'd do it until my periods stopped but I had a very easy pregnancy first time round (at 32, I'm 39 now).
I think anything above 45 is pushing it though.
So to answer your original question, 45 for women and 50 for men.

Would you really consider a pregnancy in your early, mid or even late 50s (though the chance of having a viable pregnancy even if periods haven't stopped is very low)?
My periods stopped last year (52) - a surprise pregnancy at that age (which indeed it would have been, what with the not having sex situation) would have floored me. I don't think I would have gone through with it.

mrlistersgelfbride · 20/11/2024 17:00

pumpkinpillow · 20/11/2024 16:25

Would you really consider a pregnancy in your early, mid or even late 50s (though the chance of having a viable pregnancy even if periods haven't stopped is very low)?
My periods stopped last year (52) - a surprise pregnancy at that age (which indeed it would have been, what with the not having sex situation) would have floored me. I don't think I would have gone through with it.

I was going off what happened to my own mum who had the menopause late 40s then last period at 50.
If I got pregnant at that age, although not ideal, I wouldn't terminate unless it was for medical reasons.

Greywarden · 20/11/2024 17:25

I'm going to come out loud and proud with the view that no old is too old!
It's so personal.
There are potential disadvantages to having a baby later, eg in 40s - might be more tired during various childcare phases; might not have as many years or healthy years with your DC etc. But there are no guarantees here. Raising children can be knackering at any age. Some people in their 50s and 60s have more energy and patience for parenting than some in their 20s. There are also advantages to having kids earlier (gets it out of the way in a sense!) and to having them later (might be able to bring more life experience and financial stability to the parenting situation).

There are so many variables. It's about what is right for you as a person, for your partner if you have one, and whether you are prepared to take on the commitment (which let's face it, isn't easy at any age, albeit potentially so so worth it!).

People who judge others for having children early or late are just... grrrrr. Seriously lacking in empathy and flexibility of thought in my view.

Blueskies3 · 20/11/2024 23:18

I am not going to judge people for having them in their early 20s or later 40s as there are advantages to both. I personally wouldn't want to raise young children in my 50s, but that is a personal preference.

Jumpingthruhoops · 20/11/2024 23:39

Shaz83 · 14/11/2024 11:40

Just wondering how old is too old to have a baby? Fair enough being healthy etc is fine.. but how old is too old?

When a woman can no longer ovulate. Either women can do what we want when we want (and in this case when we are biologically still able) or we can't.

Rewis · 21/11/2024 00:09

Whenever you're going through menopause and unable to have one.

I think it os very personal. There might be struggles to get pregnant, might not have a right patner or right circumstances. I'm above the age of what many has said that it is too old. The choice for me is being too old or no kids. I think if I haven't gotten any by 42 assuming im healthy then I will stop trying. I still wouldn't call it too old.

GonnaBeASuperSaver · 21/11/2024 00:32

I had my last at 36 , first at 22 . No way would I do after 36.
Age 22 it was a breeze. The wakes at night with a baby. Illnesses sleepless nights. All the school runs , activities , social events.
Now in 40s with primary age kids and it's a killer. Constantly knackered.

Strugglingteacher · 21/11/2024 00:50

I think that it very much depends on the person. I had mine at 34 and 36 but had hoped for them earlier but life didn't work out that way for me.
I know two people who had theirs at 39 and 41, both after many years of trying. One of them seems to have more energy than most younger mums and you wouldn't think of her as an older mum but the other does appear an older mum, despite them both having had the children at the same age. She seems much more tired and anxious but at the end of the day, both are so happy to have their long-hoped for children and the children are happy and loved and well-cared for. I think being in the position to provide that is more important than age.

fridaynight1 · 21/11/2024 01:07

I had menopause at 37 so nature decided for me but despite how heartbreaking it was for me I actually I do think nature should decide.. I don’t think a woman is too old at 37,47 or 57. If her body has conceived - she is not too old.

Whatanidiot123 · 21/11/2024 07:01

I’d be interested to know if I seem like an old mum to others. I’m 10 years older than a couple of mums in DDs class and I will be 46 when DS starts reception. There might be mums 15 years younger than me. I think until this year people would generally be surprised but at 44 my face has suddenly aged!

I have a decent amount of energy, perimenopause challenges aside! I don’t feel too old.

Shaz83 · 21/11/2024 10:40

GonnaBeASuperSaver · 21/11/2024 00:32

I had my last at 36 , first at 22 . No way would I do after 36.
Age 22 it was a breeze. The wakes at night with a baby. Illnesses sleepless nights. All the school runs , activities , social events.
Now in 40s with primary age kids and it's a killer. Constantly knackered.

Why would you not do after 36?

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Shaz83 · 21/11/2024 10:48

Monster6 · 14/11/2024 11:45

I had my last at 33. 35 was my cut off…I feel quite tired dealing with my 11yr old now. Conversely, I’m looking forward to being out of the ‘young child’ years by late 40s.

Why is 35 a cut off for you?

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