Considering sending my child to a predominantly South Asian school

[billiegoat]

Our local primary school (in a very predominantly White Home Counties town) is probably the only school with a South Asian ethnic majority. I'd say 70% of the children are South Asian. I really like the school and we could walk there so I think it will be the one for us.

I wondered if there was anything I needed to consider in terms of culture and inclusivity etc.

For example - will the other mums be open to getting to know me (white British) and forming friendships?

Will there be play dates and birthday parties?

Anything else I should consider?

Sorry if this sounds ignorant or rude - I don't mean to at ALL - just want to make the right choice. I think I felt a bit worried during the show around being the only white British mum that we might be a bit left out...!

I have already said that diversity is great in schools . My son is a minority white pupil in his school and he is completely happy and has loads of friends but his school is very diverse so most of the children speak in English to each other and no culture is particularly dominant. if you read the OP’s post she needs to do a bit more research because the school she is considering doesn’t sound very diverse and that can be tough and lonely for children.

The other question is why would you actively choose for your child to be a minority in a school, where in the country your ethnic group is the majority. It's hard to be a minority, especially for children. Being the majority is generally easier.

Diversity is good - teaches tolerance, respect and acceptance. DT’s went to an international school - they were the only two of their nationality. They have friends from a wide range of different cultures, languages and backgrounds.

Of course there is a middle ground!
It's people like me who are 1st generation, have no extended family around, so we've made a big effort to not live in an area which only has Indians. We've even made the conscious decision to not send out child to a grammar school which was predominantly full of Indian and Chinese children as it wouldn't reflect the society we live in. Instead, we've chosen a school further away which has a great mix of White, Black, Asians etc.

Most of my Indian friends come from a similar background like mine... We moved here in our 20s for work, we come from middle class families back in India, English was the first language in our schools in India, we are all professionals. Someone mentioned 'tiger parents' on this thread, and yes we do tend to be that, but a lot of us are making a conscious effort to not be that.

My son went to a mixed school with a high Asian percentage.

in some ways it was ok, some parents friendly, some not but there weren’t many play dates and it wasn’t over friendly.

on the parents WhatsApp there were messages from some parents (Asian) asking for their kids not to be bullied as they weren’t practising Muslims or weren’t as strict as other in the class so even within the Muslim students there was bullying and my son never really fitted in.

he has now moved to another school which is diverse but in a different way. Children of all colours and lots of ‘foreign’ families who have parents working in education locally so a lot of Italians, Greeks, Scandinavian, Spanish. This school is welcoming diverse and totally different vibe to the previous school

Do you always struggle with reading comprehension? Nobody said anything about extremes. Rather, it's about openness to different people and willingness to engage.
As stated in the post you replied to places like Bradford have a lot of South Asians, all from different cultural backgrounds so you get all sorts.
It would be impossible for them to speak the same language for a start because well they don't HAVE the same language. Each state in South India for example has its own language with its own alphabet, that's how diverse it is.
This is different from a place where everyone is from the exact same cultural background, only wants to mix with their own kind and not engage with outsiders, especially ones that don't share their worldview.
We don't know what kind of school OP's is but there's no easy way of finding out.
@ButTrue example - few white kids but many non-white, all from different backgrounds that's absolutely fine.

The other nuance here is that people are complex, those who follow their culture very strictly - well, their heads explode at anybody out of the norm. Although you used myself as an extreme example because I mentioned pole dancing. I have other 'traditional' values. Like being a practising Hindu. Many won't believe it, they think just because I wear certain clothes and do certain things they deem inappropriate I cannot possibly be religious.

People need to be accepted for being good in a way that aligns with universal human values (to the extent this is possible), not pre-judged.

Most importantly, in mine and many other posts people are sharing their own experience. They're not saying the school in the OP is definitely like this. Merely, if the OP cannot find out, it's a risk she chooses to take.

Malaysians are South East Asians a region that comprises countries like Indonesia, Vietnam, Thailand, they are Indo-Chinese by ethnicity. Malaysian and Singapore have people of Indian and Chinese descent who migrated during colonial times.
'South Asian's refers to people from Indian and the sub-continent.
Completely different culturally.

And you are very different from people whose parents migrated here in 80's, living in Indian majority places like Harrow in London, with people of the same cultural background. You're part of the 'cosmopolitan' parent groups I mentioned earlier.
It's very difficult for non-South Asian people to understand this. But there are people born and bred in the UK, who are more conservative and following the culture of their origin. Compared to first generation people from India.
After 2012 a visa became very difficult to get, those who come here are highly educated usually in foreign universities but also have a certain mindset.
Those whose parents came here years ago weren't often from such well-off backgrounds, if they stayed in the same place with people like them, their outlook is different.

I'm like you, Indian born in a different Asian country (4th gen) and went to a top university here. I had friends from other universities whose parents expected them to marry, arranged straight after graduation, I was shocked this attitude still existed in the UK.

I have posted too much but totally agree. Its not about first gen vs second gen. in fact recent immigrants tend to be more liberal and highly educated.

Diversity is good but this doesn’t sound like what the OP school is. It sounds quite non diverse. Diverse doesn’t mean ‘not white’, it means a mix. I’m mixed race, as are my DCs. They go to schools which are majority white British but with a strong percentage of a variety of races and ethnicities. This to me is diversity in the UK, not a school with a majority of one group who are a minority in the country.

Think of how minorities speak about their experiences living in the UK; you'll be inflicting that on yourself for no reason.
I think it will also make a difference which culture is predominant at the school. Indians, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis and Sri Lankans are very different culturally!

Never come across a religious Hindu pole dancer before.

Your post was too long btw..be more succinct next time

They do do playdates and parties, it with people from their culture.

My points about both your reading comprehension ability and judgement stand. You have proved it beautifully. You are exactly the sort I'm looking to avoid.
Sorry for derailing your thread OP.

I went to a school where I was in the minority as a white blue-eyed child. All my best friends were Asian (mainly British born with parents predominantly from India/Pakistan and some from China/Vietnam/Korea/Japan). It didn't impact me negatively in any way at all and was just normal. I didn't really notice skin colour as a child, although did get called 'stripey' sometimes as I got older because people saw me as white looking but Asian in outlook (whatever that means!! Still don't really know to this day!) My school friends were lovely as were their families. Their families all generally valued academics which may be cultural or may be coincidence, I don't wish to perpetuate stereotypes, but I definitely felt the thick one!! (and I'm quite bright!!) and definitely had the least parental input for homework etc..

My children initially went to a primary school that was predominantly south Asian children. Again, no issues except my oldest son did go through a phase of wanting to 'have brown skin' and asking to paint his skin, which made me feel sad and prompted a few helpful and open discussions with him about skin colour and feeling confident in your own skin. He also went through a phase of being cross with me that he is English and our family British, as everyone else had 'more interesting' cultural stories to tell and his school was big on celebrating different cultures and faiths and he was pretty much the only child with British parents and grandparents, which he considered boring (and blamed me for!)

Since moving schools, although his school is now predominantly white British (but still more multicultural than many), my oldest son has naturally gravitated towards non-white kids, I think because it's what he's used to from the start of primary. I too also generally feel most comfortable around people from Asian communities as it's what I know and feel comfortable with from my own upbringing.

Ultimately we r all just human and skin colour is just that, a colour. Personally I do feel there are some cultural differences which are apparent based on the culture our families grew up in, and the Indian and Chinese families I know value academics more highly than me. But I'm more than happy for my children to hang out with the clever kids ;) and maybe our family can learn a bit from our friends in that regard!!

Children are children, they don't really see differences like adults do. They will hang out with whom they like! And as for you, well it doesn't matter what background you are from, if you are nice and welcoming you are nice and welcoming. If you are mean, you are mean! I'm sure there'll be loads of lovely parents who will include you!

Is your child male or female?
My DC were at quite a diverse Primary, around 20% and while DD was initially invited to all the parties etc it seemed that as the girls got older she was the only non Asian girl there (I was friends with a couple of Mums) and we never managed playdates at our house, although she was invited to a few at theirs.
For her younger brother it was very different, over 50% of his friend group were of Asian descent and the parents seemed much more relaxed about playdates etc, once they knew that I would provide suitable food . He was invited to a lot of houses over Ramadan and would watch TV in another room during prayers and then join for the meal. I miss the lovely Libyan family who would send me the most amazing home made cakes!
I think that while it depends on the peer group it may be easier to integrate if you child is a boy

It depends on the particular culture/s prevalent there imo. Inner city Bradford, lots of kids with EAL and parents who tend to be insular? I would be more reluctant. NW London, Indian and Chinese tiger mums who are highly focused on education and attainment and likely working in senior roles themselves? Absolutely. Something in between - it depends.

I just don’t understand that kind of attitude.
My family were immigrants. It would be a lie to say that they loved absolutely everything about their new country, but they did their best to learn the language and to integrate, without completely giving up on their culture.
They certainly never tried to keep my sibling and me away from the local kids.

I think for me the question would be how well the school performs. I have worked globally, and formerly lived in a very diverse city where many schools were predominantly S Asian. And with one or two exceptions, the schools that were predominantly S Asian had very poor outcomes. And that was not a result of the children - i was both parental and teaching staff expectations, especially when it came to girls. A close friends daughter, attending one of those schools, was unable to read or recognise letters at the age of six despite having been both two years in nursery / reception, and t18 months in the infant section. I tauget her to read (because she wanted to) and within six months she was not only reading but reading at a level beyond her age range. That was a measure of how intelligent she was and how badly the school let her down. And believe it or not, when the teachers found out her mum was summoned to the school for a bollocking about now teaching her daughter things before they got around to it (I went with mum, and the meeting didn't turn out quite as they expected). She is now a graduate and a teacher herself - but that same school and others like it are still failing children.

As others have already said, South Asian is such a broad term and impossible to generalise based on it. I do agree attitudes are different in 1st generation compared to 2nd generation and which SA country, religion can play a part (although varies depending on how strict they are)

FWIW we are Indian background and 2nd generation. My DC go to a school where there is a SA majority similar to what you are describing but overwhelmingly 2nd generation and more Hindu and Sikhs vs Muslims so English is first language for all the children. In both my DC class, there are not any strict Muslims and I am defining this by mothers not wearing headscarves and more liberal when we go out as parents. The parent demographic is the type you would fit into by your description of yourself and my DC have very good friends who are not SA background. I feel like the parents fit in perfectly and they always socialise with rest of us so I want to say they feel the same (otherwise would choose not to attend). Both my DC have had plenty of playdates and parties since joining (currently Y2 and 3)

One thing I would say is academics are important to pretty much all the SA parents and the DC all work very hard, do multiple activities etc - does not fit with everyone's attitude, depends how much this would affect you.

Look more closely at the specific demographics to see if it would suit. If you are keen on academics, SA are often a good bunch to be surrounded by but I would agree that if they are all one type of SA (background and religion) and you are minority, maybe better elsewhere.

@CatchAllKate I don't know where you get the idea that Bradford is mixed! In some areas, yes, but there are schools where it it 99% Pakistani Muslim, and friends' experiences sending their children to such schools were not good, particularly if the child was a girl. One pair of friends who are Asian father, white mother took their daughters out of the first school they chose because of the abuse they got, their mother being called a white whore being one of the lesser insults. I chose to move from Bradford 7 rather than send my DD to schools where
she would be in a minority of one.

I have taught in one of these types of schools. Your child may very well be happy there but I think as pp have mentioned, don’t expect many play dates or activities going on out of school. Children from these communities generally only socialise with each other/with their extended families outside of school, so if you’re looking for a group of mums to be able to say ‘shall we take the kids to the park today, it’s nice weather’ - it won’t be at that school!

LOL I though you were describing me - and I'm white 😂 But tick every single box )))

This was our experience at a predominantly S Asian school with mostly 2nd gen parents. Lots of usual school activities (which I'm not very keen on 😁 ), parties, playdates etc. DC never felt excluded and we made good friends there.

Because S Asians often value education and are not fazed by hard work, and it's good to be in a cohort with great work ethics?