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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it isn’t good that my DDs teaching assistant did this?

102 replies

Jammydodge97 · 12/11/2024 23:29

At pick up today. I was stood in the playground and her class where with their TA. Their TA said who can see their grown up. (She is 5,Y1). I saw that my DD said something to her and her TA responded, so I presume she said she could see me. Next thing, my DD has left the line and is moving fast towards another part of the playground which is higher up, out of sight.(juniors pick up part) I thought where is she going? So followed her up as it was very very busy and I couldn’t see her through the crowd at first. I caught up to her and she’d gone inside so I waited for a while. Turns out she’d forgotten her water bottle and her TA told her to go up there and get it. (Their classroom is up that way but they come out of different doors at pick up time). I thought this was bad that the TA let her leave the line, go to another part of the school where I wouldn’t have been able to see her and by herself. She wouldn’t go with anyone else I know this but she is only 5 and it was very very busy and no one was with her. Her TA hadn’t seen me, so didn’t know that I’d gone to follow her, so when we came back down she wouldn’t have been aware that she was being dismissed to the correct parent if I hadn’t have waved to show I was with my daughter. So for all she knew, she could have gone with someone else. Aibu to think this is bad or am I over thinking?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jammydodge97 · 12/11/2024 23:32

Btw, I was shouting her but she was moving very fast and lots of people coming towards me so was hard to get through but I just spotted her going into the doors, other wise I’d have no idea where she went

OP posts:
FanofLeaves · 12/11/2024 23:32

But she was still on site, only going to collect a forgotten water bottle? I can’t see what’s wrong with that.

MBL · 12/11/2024 23:34

Overthinking, I think school sometimes trust kids to do much more for themselves than we do. It's partly because they have so many more children and because it's their job too to foster independence.

I'm sure your DD knew she had to come back to the class group before leaving the school.

Moveoverdarlin · 12/11/2024 23:37

I really can’t see a problem here.

Needmorelego · 12/11/2024 23:37

The only people on the grounds was presumably school staff and the parents/carers picking up.
What do you think would happen to her by going back to collect her water bottle?

SorryNotSorryForWhatISaid · 12/11/2024 23:38

This sounds v standard - sort of thing that happens everyday in schools up and down the country

Rainbowdottie · 12/11/2024 23:38

I can't see much wrong with her. Children know school premises well, you said she was moving fast...your dd obviously knew where she was going. School staff are also very intuitive...they judge if a child can trusted with such a "mission", they know your child well. The TA obviously thought your DD was capable of doing it. As for not dismissing her to you....you said you'd waved at her and she did see the two of you were together. There was no alarm bells raised because noone else did pick her up . I'd let it go.

Fullofpudding · 12/11/2024 23:38

If she knew where she left it I can't see a problem. She obviously knew where it was and how to get there and back.

saraclara · 12/11/2024 23:40

Absolutely normal. There's nothing wrong at all with what the TA did. Five year olds are more capable then you give them credit for.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 12/11/2024 23:43

Children are moving around their school all day and are often given responsibilities to take or fetch things. You might have been better to ask the TA where she had sent your DD and had waited in your ususl place.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 12/11/2024 23:47

I can't see a problem at all really.

She's in her second year of schooling, she was told to go and get her water bottle which she was happy to do 🤷‍♂️

If you hadn't have seen her, she would've returned to the line with the TA.

BiancaBlank · 12/11/2024 23:47

But if the system is the teacher/TA releases the kids only to a parent/designated picker-upper, rather than just let them scarper, then that is what they should do! After all there’s no guarantee that the kid will come back if she sees her parent en route.

The TA should have said she could get her water bottle once she’d been properly collected.

RafaistheKingofClay · 12/11/2024 23:47

Presumably if you hadn’t followed her and stayed where you were, she would have come back to the line after fetching her water bottle and then been dismissed correctly.
If you had stayed wheee you were or asked the TA where she’s gone there wouldn’t have been an issue.

I don’t think there’s a right answer here. Either the TA lets her go, which is reasonable and gets complained at for doing so. Or she doesn’t let her go and somebody will complain their child wasn’t allowed to collect their water bottle.

HermoinePotter · 12/11/2024 23:49

Her TA hadn’t seen me, so didn’t know that I’d gone to follow her, so when we came back down she wouldn’t have been aware that she was being dismissed to the correct parent if I hadn’t have waved to show I was with my daughter. So for all she knew, she could have gone with someone else

Your daughter went to get her water bottle and was presumably heading back to the door where she’s dismissed from. Why did you intervene? The TA obviously hadn’t seen you to dismiss your daughter to you initially, she’d gone to get her water bottle and in the interim you got your daughter. Do you not realise your daughter would have gone back to the door where she was dismissed from? TA’s and teachers are damned if they do and damned if they don’t sometimes on here.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 12/11/2024 23:51

BiancaBlank · 12/11/2024 23:47

But if the system is the teacher/TA releases the kids only to a parent/designated picker-upper, rather than just let them scarper, then that is what they should do! After all there’s no guarantee that the kid will come back if she sees her parent en route.

The TA should have said she could get her water bottle once she’d been properly collected.

But if the child decided to disobey the TA and just go off with their parent, then the parent would do what the OP did and let them know they were collecting.

Purpleturtle46 · 13/11/2024 06:56

Overthinking, seems normal to me.

TH1NG1E · 13/11/2024 07:00

If you hadn't have followed her she would have collected the water bottle and gone back to class as expected. I cant see the problem here.

RedHelenB · 13/11/2024 07:08

FanofLeaves · 12/11/2024 23:32

But she was still on site, only going to collect a forgotten water bottle? I can’t see what’s wrong with that.

This. Over reaction much. She's Y1, she knows her way round school by now.

EmberAsh · 13/11/2024 07:10

I'm a bit surprised by these replies. I think the water bottle thing is a bit of a non event but dismissing children to an adult that the TA hasn't seen or verified surely isn't OK. At our school, the teacher/TA will know all the adults who are collecting each child. You can't just collect a child in place of the usual parent without ID going through the main office, so allowing the children to do it by sight alone seems lax.

DappledThings · 13/11/2024 07:11

Sounds fine to me too. Your DD would have known the way to her classroom and back again and would have returned to the line to be sent to you if you hadn't followed her.

Futurethinking2026 · 13/11/2024 07:12

How many gates to the school and are there staff on each gate to stop children leaving alone?

One of our primary’s I would have been totally fine with this happening as although several parts to school, there was only one gate which was manned.

Other primary school, has three gates and the one where yr 5&6 leave is not manned (but could be easily accessed by a child roaming the school). I wouldn’t have been happy with it here.

DoreenonTill8 · 13/11/2024 07:13

Child returns to from where they had literally just left to collect something, not sole trek to Mt Kilomonjaro!!
I despair for teachers. Op, do you think your dd would quietly be abducted by a stranger? If so, please let the school know this risk.

Sometimeswinning · 13/11/2024 07:15

The amount of children who realise at pickup they don’t have their jumper/coat/lunchbox and want to go and get it. The answer is no wait until you’ve been collected. It’s safeguarding.

The whole day is spent with gates locked, being buzzed in and wearing lanyards. This is done for a reason. The second the gates open ah just let them wander off 😂

Futurethinking2026 · 13/11/2024 07:15

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 12/11/2024 23:43

Children are moving around their school all day and are often given responsibilities to take or fetch things. You might have been better to ask the TA where she had sent your DD and had waited in your ususl place.

But during the day only staff and volunteers pupils are on site and the gates are locked.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 13/11/2024 07:18

I think what the TA did was generally fine however I'd think it would be against school policy to do this at pick up. Schools do this (let kids go and collect things etc and move around different parts of the school) generally when parents are offsite and when gates are closed. Yes it's unlikely but if she had wandered off out of school grounds, the school would have been liable for this. So I disagree with pp and think the TA was in the wrong. For this reason our school always get kids back into their classrooms before pick up time and before gates are open, for things like sports days ans other events when parents are on site as they want to ensure handover especially for younger kids. I'm sure all the parents saying it's fine wouldn't be saying that if a child had gone missing when the TA allowed them to go on an errand when the gates were open and there were a load of parents on site.