You don’t have two daughters, you have two confused teenage sons that believe they are girls because you have pushed your own agenda on them their whole lives.
Your children didn’t want to wear nail varnish at school or make up, it was your protest against the school not theirs.
They worked out quickly as young children that they got extra praise and attention for choosing the clothes and toys from the girls section and insisted it was their choice to have long hair when you were always complimenting them and praising them for growing it.
You have gaslighted them their whole lives that they might not know what gender they are till they were older or that sex isn’t binary. Now the youngest has only decided he is a girl after seeing how happy it made you when your eldest said he was. Can you not see that all he has done has change his name and still completely presents as a boy?! He is so confused about his identity but all he focused on was how proud you were of him when he said he was a girl and after years of being told he can choose his own gender he believed he was making a choice you wanted.
I wish you would stop bragging about how proud you are of your “queer” household, there is no absolutely nothing wrong about feeling pride about your own sexuality but its a shame you think it’s the only thing that defines you and never talk about anything else. Your sons didn’t need their whole lives to be about celebrating it and they would have benefited from spending more time with kids their own age when they were young rather then being dragged on protests and rallies or festivals.
The people who have tried to tell you and who you have cut out of your lives were brave in calling you out as abusive for applauding a teenager who has worked two jobs and saved every penny for hormones and surgery, the people who have refused to donate to your crowdfunding have refused from concern not spite. Your son could have been going out with friends and treating himself with his birthday and Christmas money, not spending every spare waking moment at work or on the internet obsessing over surgery that I suspect he would never have even considered with a different mother.
Your ex husband and your sons father agrees with all of this and has tried to tell you but then had to go back on everything so he could still see his boys. He is still desperately worried but has given up trying to bring up any concerns because he just gets called a bigot or transphobe. Unfortunately you have so much support or people forced to go along with it that he was never going to be able to get through to you.
I hope your son doesn’t go through with his surgery next year, I hope something happens to get him to question this path he’s hell bent on staying on until he does irreversible damage. I really wish you could let both of your sons know you love and value them no matter what sex they are - like you should have always done. I never understood what was in it for you?