If you could say something out loud you knew you could never say, what would it be?

[twistandshoutloud]

I'll go first.

I wish I could tell my SIL that I dislike her so much and I wish she'd never met my BIL. I hate that she is now part of our family. She came to disrupt our (far from perfect but lovely) family. I hate the way she treats my BIL. I hate how she makes everyone pander to her every whim. How all her messages are passive aggressive and how rude she is to my MIL. I could never say this out loud of course, but I dream of it often.

Feels good getting that out of my chest.

Anyone else feel free to add.

Work Teams chat- awful.

All that hearting and grinning and thumbs upping is just juvenile.

The diversity and inclusion and wellness agenda has gone too far, and threatens to defeat the well meaning object. People have become alienated, cynical and resentful.

Oh yes. And stop starting an email with - I hope you are well! This started during Covid and it really pisses me off.

We have no choice in that aspect of life - it's the old 'two wrongs don't make a right' argument, no particular logical gymnastics required.

Remember too that industrially farmed animals wouldn't exist if the industry didn't exist, so the amount of animal-inflicted pain would remain constant, rather than increasing.

Finally - personal to me, but both of us might be surprised at how many vegans feel this way - it's not actually the killing and eating that I find unconscionable. If it were necessary to my survival or that of my children, I could hunt, kill and eat (I am an animal too of sorts). Death is relatively quick.

For me it's the fact that humans choose to torture animals daily and for years and years on end - knowing they feel physical and emotional/psychological pain - that I cannot understand or bear.

We know they feel pain and have emotions - I could no more do that to an animal than I could to a child.

From a philosophical perspective, I despise the moral cowardice inherent in 'looking the other way' - our refusal to watch the films of it taking place, etc etc.

Just tell them. I'd hate that too. I'd close the door on anyone trying to bring a dog into my house! Hopefully they've never got the creature over your threshold, especially as you've got your own pets. (Say you've got a free range python that hasn't been fed in a while?) Some dog owners are very unhealthily co dependent on their pets.

Anyone who voted for Donald Trump is a loon.

I understand this point of view & respect it. The fact animals do & will always torture each other in the most horrific painful ways still makes me sceptical about why it's worse when humans apparently do the same for food. As far as I'm aware the slaughtering of animals for food is actually more humane than what they do to each other. I admit I'm no expert but I find this aspect intriguing.

I would tell my friend that her EX is not lying about her. She does have a drink problem and her behavior is not normal funny or OK. She has no idea how badly she behaves when drunk including lying, (i think she forgets the truth) blacking out and putting herself in danger.

I wish there weren’t so many people. We’ve swarmed all over the planet and ruined it. I crave space and light and silence, but everywhere I go they are building, building, building. It never stops. Houses, houses, houses. And no matter how many disgusting brick rabbit hutches we jam on top of one another, it’s never enough. At times I feel like I’m suffocating.

Also, I don’t say it out loud, but I honestly believe you’re better off never being born. I’m a secret anti-natalist. And I would still believe that even if there were 90% fewer humans. It genuinely puzzles me how people can justify bringing a child into the world, knowing all the horror and pain they are going to have to endure.

To my friend:

Your adult children who still live at home are lazy and selfish. Two of them don't work and I've never seen them do any kind of housework - not even load the dishwasher or peel a potato even though you work full time. Your house is filthy - public toilets are cleaner than your bathroom, I know the towel in the bathroom hasn't been changed for weeks even though there are 6 of you using it. I saw your dogs' dishes in the kitchen and I felt sad that your dogs have to eat out of them because theyre caked in dried dog food. No one can even be bothered to throw them in the dishwasher. I looked up at your bedroom windows when I got out of my car last week - the net curtains are all torn and I've never seen the curtains open. I can see the mildew on them. Its like Miss Haversham's rooms in Great Expectations. I don't think your cooker top has ever been wiped off in the 10 years you've had it, or your kitchen floor swept & mopped.

I'd have kicked your alcoholic H out years ago, mental health problems or not. He sits home all day doing nothing but smoking and drinking tea. You enable him by indulging him. He'd have gone along with his controlling brother who also lives in the house. Your DM offered you a way out but you stayed and its damaged your health and, I think, the mental health of your children. I know that one of them is also an alcoholic, one of your other children told me. He smells of drink most of the time, and I'm sure his health problems are related to that.

I've seen you turn from one of the most beautiful women I know into someone who looks haggard, old and unwell. A mutual friend who saw you after many years couldn't believe it was you.

I'd love to help you but I don't know how - you'll explode if I make even raise the subject.

It's felt quite cathartic getting that off my chest.

Where I live, Asians have been living here since the 1950s. During Brexit voting times, people were voting Brexit to get the Asians out. I felt so tempted to say these Asians were in the UK 15-18 years before we went into the EU, (EEC as it was known then)

I used to work with someone who made the office environment uncomfortable, she was moody and everyone was treading on eggshells.
On my drive to work I used to compose what I was going to say to her and tell her what a miserable moody cow she was, but I never went through with it.
I changed jobs and heard some time after from another ex colleague that the ‘moody cow’ had a complete mental breakdown after I left. Turns out that she had a lot of personal problems and issues and me listening to her moans and coping with her was the glue that held her together

I wish I could tell my mum how much she has ruined all her children and I wish I could tell my husband how much I wish I wasn't with him and had made different choices and not settled due to a shitty upbringing. I deserve better.

To tell my dad that I am fully aware of how he physically assaulted and r#ped my mother many times during their marriage, and then he has the cheek to ask why I don't want to spend any time with him. And say no, just because you won't live for much longer I don't want us to be "friends" !!

@Jeneregretterien9 as I mentioned, it’s the torture that is the years before death that for me is the worst thing. Though I know you are kidding yourself about ‘humane’ deaths. The fear involved in simply transporting them to the abattoir is awful for me to contemplate - before you even get to the killing.

Your child is not a nice person, and is probably going to be as much of a failure at life as his father. Unfortunately, this is because you are truly awful parents. His dad is just an all round useless person so I guess there's not much there that you can do about that. But you are a terrible parent too. I don't mean abusive or mean, just bad. You love him, but you are too selfish and too lazy to do the things that he actually needs and that has, sadly, been true from day 1. You are frustrated that he has no friends and his teachers don't like him and you're right - they should be helping him more. But I bet they're as exhausted as I am from trying to raise issues with you only to get defensive, aggressive responses. You don't want to hear it. I understand that. No one wants to hear they're a bad parent or that they've failed their kid. But you have.

He has almost none of the skills he should have for his age, his social skills are awful, he's spoiled and rude. Ironically, the rest of us see how his behaviour is rude and inappropriate, you see it as confidence. You can't even see when he behaves poorly, never mind manage it or teach him. And when he says and does things that highlight the problem and gets pushback from other adults or children, you blame everyone else.

He probably has some ND, which is making all of this worse. But again, you didn't want to hear it. And now you're finally thinking about it, but if and when you finally actually get him diagnosed, I guarantee you're not going to take on board any of the advice they provide on parenting a child like this. Instead, you're going to continue to take the easier road for yourself and simply use the ND as an excuse for why you can't do more, or why he can't be more. So he'll continue to get no guidance, and will become ever more isolated from his peers (until, most likely, he lands up in one of those groups of problem children that you love to rant about on social media).

I know that I am being hugely judgemental, but part of it is guilt that I didn't find a way to intervene earlier. I still don't know how to intervene. I'm pretty sure that nothing your'e doing would reach the level at which social services would get involved. But I know the truth. I suspect the school knows the truth. I'm starting to think your broader family and even some of your friends know the truth. Pity it doesn't help your son.

I told her what my Mother said to me and her facial reaction and body language was really uncomfortable, I knew something was up and pushed her to tell me, she either lied to me or told me.

There would be nothing to say if my Mother wasn’t such a bitch. SHE did this, not my sister, she’s my ally and supportive, doesn’t cause trouble for anyone. You have no idea what you’re talking about.

Are.... are your ex and my ex the same person!? 😂

I wish you all healing ❤️‍🩹
@Resisterance @WitchesLadder @Nothatgingerpirate

You can say you don't want them going on about it. Even if it was true that would be boring as shit.

I would tell my DS's second husband that she would have hated the funeral he gave her, from not telling me when it was going to be until two days before, the horrendous gaudy coffin, the eulogy was a tissue of lies and her family knew that, and putting our older sister's picture up in a montage as a toddler when she had died from TB aged three (and was not my beloved A) just showed how he did not know our family at all. I cannot wait until they meet again and she rips him a new one... and nor will she be amused that you did not play your part in telling me when our last aunt had died despite promising to share the information, yes I do know. I know she would be ashamed of your behaviour as do our friends and family. You are not a nice person.

There is a woman that lives in the same town as me with two sons, both in prison for raping elderly women in their homes, one died of her injuries about 6 weeks after being raped and the other had to move out of the area as created flashbacks. She keeps saying she's proud of her sons.

How the fuck can you be proud of sons who raped two elderly women - one dying weeks later and both in prison? One is serving 25 years (the one where woman died) and the other one 15.5 years.

She is seriously one deluded woman.

I’d like to tell some of my colleagues what I think of them (but wouldn’t we all I suppose)

I could say exactly the same, only changing '25 years' to '35 years'

I'd also add : Your constant bleating that you let my father ruin mine and my two brothers childhood because he'd threaten to leave every time you didn't go along with what he wanted is insulting. I know from one of your own contemporaneous diaries that that is a load of utter bullshit. You didn't leave because you valued your marriage and the ex-pat lifestyle over your own children, and if you'd left you would have had to get a job. You thought my father owed you lifelong financial support because you'd had his children...children that he didn't actually want. You 'oopsed' him by getting pregnant with my older brother by lying that you couldn't have children. And now you pretend you don't understand why you don't have any grandchildren.

That re-framing the premature death of my partner nearly three years ago, leading to the loss of my home, the collapse of my business, being in debt and single handedly juggling 3 elderly parents in the immediate vicinity, plus two more remotely (both of us only children from broken families) as some sort of wonderful opportunity to carve out a fabulous life for myself is going to get the next person who tries to bathe me in their well meant toxic positivity, a solid punch in the throat.

I'm doing the best I can, goddammit, so hug me, buy me a drink, send me cat memes, but go life coach someone who isn't as cynical as I am and will actually appreciate it.

What I actually say:

"I'm fine, oh, you know, muddling through, gosh, that essential oil sounds amazing and that podcast about grief management sounds wonderful".....