If you could say something out loud you knew you could never say, what would it be?

[twistandshoutloud]

I'll go first.

I wish I could tell my SIL that I dislike her so much and I wish she'd never met my BIL. I hate that she is now part of our family. She came to disrupt our (far from perfect but lovely) family. I hate the way she treats my BIL. I hate how she makes everyone pander to her every whim. How all her messages are passive aggressive and how rude she is to my MIL. I could never say this out loud of course, but I dream of it often.

Feels good getting that out of my chest.

Anyone else feel free to add.

"Just because you drive a hybrid car doesn't make you an eco warrior. Any good you are doing is instantly undone by the ridiculous number of flights you take each year. There is no need to fly to New York, Dubai, Paris, Milan, Dublin... (or anywhere else more than a bus ride away!) every month for a shopping weekend"

Put your children before your relationship “needs”. Stop being a victim and going on about “victim blaming”. Take responsibility for yourself and your children.

You have a RESPONSIBILITY to say something, to protect that boy! Get off your bum and SAY SOMETHING and DO SOMETHING! Sitting back and saying nothing makes you as bad perhaps even worse, @BinkyBeaufort .

Does he coach tennis? Because I know one like that and despite numerous complaints he still gets away with it.

I would tell my Aunty that I did not cut myself off from her because I don't care, but because of my Uncle's, her husband's, inappropriate behaviour to me.

I could no longer visit their house and play happy families.

I would never upset her for the world. She has lost two of her children at a very young age and so has already has experienced enough torment and suffering.

I would also add, that she is one of the most wonderful human beings I have ever met and I will never forget all her kindness towards me as I was growing up.

I’m sorry that happened to you. 🌻

So many of us would love to have conversations with parents to heal the wounds of the past, but if the parent hasn’t matured emotionally over the years then attempting to have conversations about past painful experiences is a real minefield, and in some cases the parent’s reaction can do more harm to the adult child than good. 😔

When I was 10, I broke my arm roller skating, and my Mum’s initial reaction was that I was putting it on, even though my arm had swollen up and I was in horrible pain. And it was hours before she finally made the decision to take me to a hospital.

When I attempted to discuss this experience with her many years later, once again she minimised my pain, saying “You didn’t break your arm, it was only a green stick fracture”.

She also used to regularly say to me “I’ll have you put into care!!” if I was misbehaving as a very young child. Years later when I mentioned this to her, she stared at me as if she thought I was crazy and completely denied ever saying it!!

Later, after my sister told my Mum that she remembered my Mum regularly saying it, my Mum then said she had only said it because my behaviour had been so bad- in other words, she still thought I deserved it.

I found these conversations extremely triggering, and for me it ripped open old wounds all over again.

I think it’s very human and normal to wish your parent would apologise to you, but the truth is, if they were truly sorry for how they behaved, then they would come to you first- you wouldn’t need to ask them for an apology or closure.

Personally I had to accept that my mother simply didn’t have the emotional capacity or maturity to self reflect or apologise- if she had, then she wouldn’t have treated me badly in the first place.

It was a painful and harsh realisation, but for me, finally accepting the truth about who she was rather than carrying on wishing she would change was ultimately healing and liberating.

I'd tell my 'best' friend: I am really hurt by the lack of effort in seeing me since I moved away. I always drive for over two hours to see you - you've never put yourself out, and that you then you cancel plans last minute because your selfish adult son decides to go out for the day so you need to mind his dog is pathetic. All the times you've cried on my shoulder about how badly your husband treats you and you still put their petty needs (you need to make them lunch, you can't stay out long) first. They treat you like a slave and since I've gone it seems you no longer have the strength to stand up to them. I'm here for you but you don't seem interested in me any more.

And today I decided I was finally going to 'say it out loud' 👍🏼

My point was to generalise & insinuate all suicides are 'brave' could possibly encourage people to go along this route for problems that could be solved with the right help. The comment may not have been heartless but having lost a very close friend to unnecessary suicide, hence my initial reaction,it is definitely unwise.

Child protection and womens rights isn't 'twwannsphobic' or hate speech. You obviously have learned nothing from the American election. Thankfully those like you who espouse such dangerous harmful ideologies are on the fringe of society and in the minority. The police will rightfully laugh at you.

That my diagnosed childhood was no way nearly as good as people today assume a diagnosed childhood to be(post-diagnosis), so I'm constantly carrying feelings of anger and bitterness practically no one will understand or accept. And a huge sense of loneliness, loss and grief.

Ok then 🥱👌🏼

Good reaction, right back at you. You really should be ashamed of yourself but don't seem capable of introspection.

I would tell my brother who I have not seen for over 20 years that I have never forgotten that he sexually assaulted me and my younger sister and that this combined with our father's emotional and sexual abuse (the latter was not physical but was about smutty remarks, lurking by the bathroom and my bedroom and calling me a whore amongst other stuff) have cast a shadow over mine and my sister's lives. Neither of us have been able to sustain relationships, both of use have suffered with poor mental health and it has tainted our lives. He "only" assaulted me three times and I found the courage to tell him never to do it again and he then moved onto my little sister. She only told me many years later and I still feel enormous guilt for not protecting my baby sister. This and many other awful things in my life, all at the hands of men have left me with complex PTSD but I have a sense of pride because I have survived and it hopefully has not corroded my personality

I am thankful that I have lovely friends and family members who think of us on special occasions, but I am not thankful for the gifts they give me and my children. I have to say thank you because it is polite and respectful, but really I think you have wasted your time and money filling my house up with useless junk, or clothes that we don’t like or need, or sweets we are allergic to. I think gift giving has become totally unnecessary, impersonal and impractical. Bring us a kilo of dry pasta, or a box of teabags, and sit down and eat and drink and play with us.

More generally: Everyone shouldn't have children. The happiness of a potential child and what you could provide for them(not just materially, but emotionally) should always be considered before someone wants to put a new child into the world.

I'd say, I miss my life with you. I'd tell you that you're in my mind most days, and you even take up my dreams, so my anguish never escapes me.

I wish I'd had seen the person you are and still continue to be. I want to say sorry, really sorry that I left. That your new life torments me, that I feel less of a person without you, even all these years later.

Maybe we should all comment on one other person's post and say something nice to them about it.

That would add to the thread

I send you love. I really do. Keep going! It was him that was wrong and you were just there. X

To my alcoholic friend who is currently too ill to leave the house. Book yourself into rehab. Your friends have offered to help with the costs so just do it. (I know it's not easy but I wish he'd help himself out of this shitshow)

I'd tell my SIL that using a small child for emotional blackmail to get her own way and as a means of control is despicable and that she's a selfish manipulative woman. I'd also tell my BIL that he's a lazy, whiny manchild who wouldn't know hard work or responsibility if it hit him on the head.

Why cant you say that out loud?

Yes - this! Suddenly half of my daughter’s class is on the spectrum.
No, they’re just being kids and they are being naughty and rude because they have no boundaries.

I'd say to myself - keep going. There is more to come

Not really. Autism and adhd have specific symptoms, are spectrum disorders and don’t always present the way you’re describing. I have autism and ADHD, but you probably wouldn’t have known unless you were told. And, no, I wasn’t “ok” growing up.