Not to let in-laws stay?

[Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee]

I’m heavily pregnant and have a young child. SIL and BIL are coming to visit for DH birthday in a couple of weeks and is staying in a hotel locally (with their children). I feel annoyed that they have chosen to visit so close to me having a baby when they have only ever visited us once or twice before (in 10 years!). We live around 4 hours away. TBH I don’t want to spend the whole weekend with their children in my house as they are loud, naughty and will get on my nerves (not all down to my hormones but mostly). I’m now worrying that DH parents will come for the weekend but just show up unannounced to ‘surprise’ him, which they’ve done before. The problem is that they will expect to stay at our house and I don’t want them (or anyone else) staying here at the moment. Again, they don’t visit often, once a year. AIBU to not want DH family around at the moment? I just really like my own space and routine at the moment and want to be as comfortable and stress free as possible. Would I be out of order to tell the in-laws they can’t stay here if they just turn ip? I would be honest about my feelings. Also - usually have no real issues with in laws and they are welcome to stay, the one time each year they make the effort to visit that is

Would your DH be pleased to have them around for a weekend?

Can you take the weekend 'off' and sit back and relax while your DH hosts?

If yes then YABU to begrudge your DH a weekend with his family and their children.

What is your husband's opinion on all of this?

How heavily pregnant are you? Over 35 weeks I would say no house guests is reasonable.

Absolutely reasonable to not want them in your house at this stage of your pregnancy.
Can you get your DH on side and prepare together for how he'll respond of his ostend do turn up?

Why do you complain that they don’t visit but then also complain that they want to visit 🙈

Can you take yourself to your parents or a friend's for the weekend and let DH entertain his family.

You are complaining they don't make enough effort but also complaining they are making effort! YANBU to say they can't stay over, YABU to be annoyed people are visiting and staying in a hotel to visit their brother for his birthday, just because you are pregnant. The hormones are crazy I get it, but you are still BU on that front.

Not one mention of how your husband feels about it?

DH would like to see them all and invited SIL and her family to actually stay here (without asking me first) but luckily she’s understanding and said she doesn’t want to put that extra pressure on me at the moment. I’m 33 weeks pregnant and really feeling it - I’m massive and everything feels like an effort. I am genuine in wondering if I’m being unreasonable or not. part of me thinks it’ll be ok for 2 or 3 nights but the other part of me thinks I’d have an awful weekend and it would be really rude to just show up. Then there’s the other part of me that understands I’m being silly as this is all ‘what if’ and I’m getting wound up about something that hasn’t actually happened, but I just get that feeling they are likely to turn up and don’t want to turn them away (from staying here, not from visiting during the day and leaving before DC bedtime) if it would actually be a really bitchy thing to do

Your poor husband. You really don’t like his family from the sounds of it.

I can understand you’re stressed and tired, but you do sound a bit unreasonable. Can you just take to your bed for naps etc being so heavily pregnant and let your DH do the majority of the hosting?

But I can’t help wondering how you would respond to your parents turning up unexpectedly @Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee ?

You are deff being unreasonable about his brother/sister coming, 33 weeks far earlier than I expected you to say. Unexpected uninvited in laws sleeping in your house is different though.

It’s just the timing of it. I wish they would visit more often generally, for my DH and DC sake mostly but also we do really get along. I think it’s also that I’m more irritable than normal and where I could be completely honest with my own family if they were getting on my nerves, I can’t be as honest with in laws

I would be annoyed if it were my parents too! I do like his family, honestly, I think it is just all the extra stresses of being pregnant

As long as you’re not expected to be the one doing the cooking/hosting I think YABU if your husband would like them to come

Thank you. I realise I’m ‘only’ 33 weeks but it has been a complicated and stressful pregnancy so far (for medical reasons I won’t go in to). I do appreciate the views from others on here though as like I say, I’m in two minds about what is reasonable or not 🥴 and I really don’t want to be unkind to in laws

If you don't feel up to it I think it's reasonable to say so. The fact that sil has already realised it's more appropriate for them to stay in a hotel is a good sign that you are not being unreasonable.
Your DH can spend the majority of the weekend with them doing things away from your house, and then all go out for dinner for your DH's birthday. There's no need to have them staying for hours in your house.

Get your DH to let his parents know they will also have to stay in a hotel as you're not up to visiting the house.

Kindly, I think you are being unreasonable. It's your DH home too and if there are no ongoing issues with your in laws, I think you are being unfair in being an obstacle in their visiting to spend time. Especially when you say you don't feel they visit enough.

33 weeks pregnant, most people are still working and doing most other things. I'm not saying cook 3 course meals for your visitors but be welcoming and just say not to expect too much of you because you're feeling very pregnant at the moment!

Pregnancy can be tough, I had hyperemesis to 26 weeks and struggled. But don't use it to snub your in laws. I'd imagine they'll all be excited to see you both.

I completely get you, when I was expecting, I didn't want anyone around the home I was trying to build, ESPECIALLY when it came to my youngest, having two children in the house already!

You sound lucky in having a good relationship with your inlaws, if I was that lucky (which I'm not but let's not get into that 😅), I'd be honest with them - it's not okay to just drop in unannounced!

Was wondering the same thing. Complains they’re visiting then makes dogs that they do t visit enough 😂

Sorry op it's his birthday and he wants to see his family on his birthday, and you are only 33 weeks. Can you take yourself to your parents if you want your space.

Get your husband onboard beforehand with what "hosting" is going to look like. Order takeout, have your husband take charge of cleanup, etc.

It would be rude of your in-laws to just show up and expect to spend several nights/days as guests. Do you really think they would do this? I can't imagine doing that to anyone, pregnant or not!

It's his birthday...

You have likely got 9 weeks to go unless the medical reasons mean baby may arrive early.

When will be a good time or are you also going to complain if they put off the visit until you are post party. There is already a thread with a DIL post partum trying to prevent ILs visiting but hasn't answered whether her parents are allowed.

As the mum of boys these threads terrify me.

Yes it is absolutely something they would do, hence my worry about it. But I would feel the same if anyone turned up unannounced and expected to stay at the moment, whatever relation so it’s not specifically about them, just the situation

It will be an early delivery, we have already agreed when in laws will come following the birth etc. I’ve said I would be the same with any relative even my own parents, it’s just that it’s the in laws who are likely to do this. And also as a ‘boy mum’ I am very aware of the imbalance with mum / MIL relationships and try really hard for MIL (and FIL) to feel included. I send more photos and updates than my DH does