Not to let in-laws stay?

[Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee]

I’m heavily pregnant and have a young child. SIL and BIL are coming to visit for DH birthday in a couple of weeks and is staying in a hotel locally (with their children). I feel annoyed that they have chosen to visit so close to me having a baby when they have only ever visited us once or twice before (in 10 years!). We live around 4 hours away. TBH I don’t want to spend the whole weekend with their children in my house as they are loud, naughty and will get on my nerves (not all down to my hormones but mostly). I’m now worrying that DH parents will come for the weekend but just show up unannounced to ‘surprise’ him, which they’ve done before. The problem is that they will expect to stay at our house and I don’t want them (or anyone else) staying here at the moment. Again, they don’t visit often, once a year. AIBU to not want DH family around at the moment? I just really like my own space and routine at the moment and want to be as comfortable and stress free as possible. Would I be out of order to tell the in-laws they can’t stay here if they just turn ip? I would be honest about my feelings. Also - usually have no real issues with in laws and they are welcome to stay, the one time each year they make the effort to visit that is

My in-laws had form for this. They'd call 'on the way back...' and expect a child to give up their bed for them. Or us. We learned to be on parade permanently and have the house tidy to avoid petulant looks and comments about us not expecting them / could we not have tidied?
They also turned up one new year's day at 8am unexpectedly, having stayed in a hotel (again unbeknown to us), demanding a full cooked breakfast as the hotel kitchen wasn't doing a proper breakfast. It didn't go down well that we were all still in bed and there was evidence of seeing in the new year with friends.

I’m not being precious, this pregnancy is particularly stressful for a couple of reasons. The point isn’t so much being 33 weeks pregnant specifically, but about how I am feeling at the moment because of these stressors (and the usual discomfort and hormonal upheaval that comes with all pregnancies on top of that)

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable! You need your safe space especially if you are feeling a little fragile at this stage of your pregnancy. I really wish people understood boundaries of others more, and when to not overstep the mark.
Hopefully it is a chilled visit and you can escape for a lie down if struggling.

Kindly, I think you are being very, very unreasonable. I can understand why you don't want anyone staying overnight, but the sil is staying in a hotel and yet, you are still criticising them. How do you know their children still act loud and naughty if you rarely see them? God forbid a child is loud. Maybe you should suggest to your husband he spends the weekend with his family, who have spent time and money to see him, alone so he can enjoy his birthday with his family. You are right, there is definitely a massive imbalance with inlaws. It's such a shame to read this so frequently on mn.
Good luck with your pregnancy.

We travel to visit them 4 or 5 times a year, so I do know what the children are like. We stay with the parents in law but always plan ahead and agree on suitable dates. We have a nice time. The PIL yearly visit (their choice to only come once a year) is planned in advance and they are very welcome, I am very accommodating and it’s not any problem. I would like my DH family to visit more often, it’s just poor timing in my view

Feels a bit mean spirited to be honest. Your poor husband. I would hate it if my dh took that attitude to my family visiting. It's for one weekend and I'd make sure my dh ordered take away etc .

My advice is NOT to ask them not to visit. But if they do arrive, take to your bed and rest . Explain that you have high blood pressure and the midwife says you need to rest.

This will be a wonderful opportunity for your child and Dh to spend quality time with their parents / GP.

'God forbid a child is loud.'

Tbh, some people's kids are a total pita and when you're pg and knackered you really cba to deal with them.

It's mad that people are saying if the dh didn't want his in-laws to stay, an OP would be advised to ltb. If the husband felt like shit I wouldn't expect him to put up with guests either! Especially if he had to do any of the work involved in being a host.
It's rude AF to just turn up any someone's house and expect to stay.

Your use of 'kindly' doesn't soften the tone of your message to a stressed out 33 weeks pregnant woman who also has pregnancy complications that make her more anxious and exhausted and mean that she will be required to give birth early.

Lots of people would hate people turning up without an invitation and with no prior warning and expecting to stay for the weekend, even if they weren't pregnant.

Your post is so horrible and critical of the OP (saying she is very very unreasonable), that your 'good luck with your pregnancy' message almost seems sarcastic although you may not have meant it that way.

Lots of people would hate people turning up without an invitation and with no prior warning and expecting to stay for the weekend.

You are correct, but that's not what is happening here, it has already been agreed that SIL and family are coming and which weekend it is, which is her DH birthday weekend, so there IS prior warning, OP is worried her PIL are going to turn up unannounced, but that is able to be sorted with a phone call or a message surely, anything like this should really be planned not left to chance.

But the problem is OP knows when it is and has said doesn't want them there at all, not that she doesn't want them to turn up unannounced. I agree with the PP that that is unreasonable IMO, it's her DH birthday weekend and if he wants his family there he should be able to have them and he should be making provisions to ensure he takes care of everything, if he won't do that then she has a DH problem not an in law problem, they could even talk to them now and ask them to stay in a hotel.

Like everything in life, things would be much easier to sort if everyone communicated properly, she says she wants them to visit more often, but doesn't want them to visit for her DH birthday, yet won't call or talk to them about visiting, or alternatives that are acceptable to her? It's all very mixed messages, maybe his parent turn up unannounced because that is the only way they get to visit?

Lots of people would hate people turning up without an invitation and with no prior warning and expecting to stay for the weekend, even if they weren't pregnant.

Too right!!!

You DH needs to be actively managing this situation as it's his family and otherwise it makes you look like the bitch DIL.

It's unannounced but not unexpected as you have a high suspicion that they are going to turn up for DHs birthday. As they've got previous for this, he needs to get in touch with his parents and head them off on the idea of just turning up. He also needs to be responsible for all the hosting.

I had my PILs stay over at our one Christmas when I was 37 weeks pregnant but I was very clear that they had to bring all of Christmas dinner with them and they and DH had to organize cooking it. I was absolutely not going to be waiting on anybody at that stage.

You don't have to take on the stress of visitors sit back and let DH do it, go rest if you need to.

It's only op scrabbling if she chooses to that's why ohs don't do stuff they know you will, be upfront and say to ILs DH said he would get stuff ready if you stayed and hasn't yet.

He would probably like to do the same when his in-laws are cluttering up your home!

You need a better circle of friends then from whom to get your data!

And when he's 33 weeks pregnant and his in-laws turn up without being invited and with no warning to stay for the weekend, he should definitely do the same.

YANBU. I would ask your DH to pre-empt this by getting him to speak to his parents to say that if they are planning on doing a surprise visit they must book a hotel on this occasion. Also let your DH know that he’s got to do any hosting!!

My DH has often said it's fine for his family to stay, but if I left it to him they'd be staying in beds that someone else or the cat had slept in and no thought to what actually needs doing.

I have similar problems! DH will generally agree to a visit without thinking it through. He works long hours so hosting/prep defaults to me, The last time this happened I stepped back and he had to do all the work. He was shattered by the time they went home. He’d get home from work and have to cook for/entertain four guests.

And our cat regularly sleeps on the spare bed …