To be annoyed at 'hope you had a great 1/2 term'

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Like most full time working parents I work most of the school holidays.
I've done it for years. I am also a lone parent. I have struggled with it. It is how it is and I get on with it.

Book club - 6 women. 3 work full or nearly full time, 2 work term-time, 1 home educating.
Every sodding school holiday we get a "phew...made it to the end of half term/term...can't wait for some time off" from one of the term-term workers.

My sister who KNOWS my situation was "Oh lucky you getting 2 weeks for 1/2 term".

I've had 2 emails from school today saying they hope I had a lovely 1/2 term.

Actually, I had one day off which was nice. The rest of it was just more juggling than usual, so nothing lovely really.

I work full time but the answer is always “yes, kids had a great half term at sport/dance academy, good to get back to the routine though.” Never occurred to me to be offended by the comment.

Nice.

I’m a teacher and I’ve become quite mindful of this. When I email parents I now say I hope your child had a lovely half term, aware that the parent was probably working throughout.

Wow

Get a grip op

I am a university lecturer and we don't get half terms, and definitely don't have the "long summer off". I once took a 3 week holiday in the University summer break (one DC was in school) and my colleagues were going "gosh, 3 weeks, that's a lot".

I do occasionally take a day or two, DH and I both work part time, so we do have a day of "nice" activities, and I find the DC are a bit more relaxed (though they are old enough now, with only one still at primary school, to amuse themselves or pop to the shops on days we can't take them out).

So yes, I do have a "nice half term" but I do not have "a lovely long break over the summer" like some people think!

Most of us don't have the option to save up our A/L for a single long break because we can't magic up childcare for every half term. If you're choosing to work half terms so you can have a nice long break then you have even less room to be complaining about other people having a nice half term.

I had major cancer surgery and spent a good chunk of half term in hospital attached to a morphine drip and the other half back home in a lot of pain. A friend of mine almost died in a car accident at the start of half term (she’s okay, physically at least). There’s worst things than having to work during half term.

That said, I’m not worked up about people asking me about it. Most people (women) do have to take off over school holidays for lack of other options. The only holiday club around here within about a 50 minute drive fills up in a matter of hours after they release spots for booking. I only get annoyed when people assume I’m available because it’s a school holiday. I have a friend who is a teacher and gets her panties in a bunch if we aren’t available to host her during school holidays. I’m like, we’re working, kids are watching shit on tv, no I can’t have you come to stay for a week just because you’re off and bored. 😂

Really though, people are just trying to make polite conversation that isn’t about the weather.

omg this. There was this one advert that would go, "we know you're loving the change of pace... pyjama days with the kids... baking bread and making memories... rediscovering what it means to be still and quiet...remembering the family that really matters" in this really saccharine tone.

And I'd be home alone in my empty house, having seen nobody for months because I didn't have a bubble, after another 14 hour shift... I'd see that advert and just bawl. It felt like being gaslit on a massive scale, and still does, whenever I see someone going on about how they miss lockdown!

I completely understand where you're coming from. I get most of the school holidays off (and sometimes wish I was at work) but my partner usually has to work and I feel very sorry for him as he watches us going out and about and having fun. Maybe you could try to buy some more annual leave next year? x

My children are older now but I remember the mum guilt that you aren't off and doing nice days out/going abroad and it's hard trying to juggle childcare round work. I hear you, itl get easier as they get older, just keep going knowing you are doing your best and working hard to provide for them.

Half term and other school holidays can be harder for some parents than school time. However, most kids enjoy the time off school and for most families there is a change of pace which makes the time different….and school are just being polite and pleasant, and acknowledging something that is if course part of the school calendar for all the children.

This is about mindset. You can feel like a victim and that everyone else is insensitive or selfish in not acknowledging your personal circumstances. You can take everything personally and take offence about every little thing…..or you can choose to react differently. You can recognise that your kids did have a change of pace and a bit relaxation and even if you were working, it was a change within a long term for you too.

When other people mention something g coming up that they’re looking forward to, you can feel jealous or resentful if it’s something you’re not having…and feel they were insensitive to mention it, or you can just feel pleased for them….which is what friends feel about things going on in each others’ lives.

Ultimately we choose how we respond and our attitudes. And importantly our attitudes rub off on our kids. OP, your feelings will be creeping through to your kids even if you don’t voice them…and you might well voice them. Kids who grow up in this atmosphere will become those who are whiners and think the world is against them and that everyone has it better than them. Others who have far less might well have a more positive approach to life because their parents have focused on the the good.

It’s hard to get out if the mindset once you’re in it OP. You probably think everyone on this thread is a cow for mentioning these things and can choose to take a victim approach here too if you choose. But you can also choose to be a bit less inward looking and see the positives and not be offended by things.

Hope you have some good things happen for you this week.

Honestly .. Life is full of decisions we make .

i raised my Ds as a Lp with no contact . When he was on holiday from school we tried to do stuff when I wasn’t working - he might stay up a little bit later - watch a film - go to the park in the dark … so I might have worked but we still had a nice half term .

logistically even couples together, one is often working - you did take a day off I am assuming on top of usual days off .

when people say hope you had a nice half term it doesn’t mean you spent every day ,creating memories

That was completely uncalled for, does it make you feel better coming out with juvenile, bitchy comments to strangers on the Internet?

It’s just a nicety OP. I’d say ‘I hope you have a nice half term’ because it’s a different routine even if you don’t have to work like I do. I enjoy the fact I can get up a little later and don’t have to do the school run. I don’t have to get school uniform and whatever they have been asked to take into school that day, there is no homework, and most hobbies aren’t running so I don’t have to get them to those.

I get that it’s hard though. What do your kids do while you are working? Who are they with? Is your ex involved to take on the load?

I look after DGD one day a week and take her to a baby class. The teacher asked if I had a nice half term, and was amused as she knows a) I work b) I'm her grandma c) my DC are adults and d) DGD has no siblings and isn't at school (she's 2) 😂

Someone has got a bug up their butt, it’s just a phrase.

plenty of people work and also manage to have a good time. I really enjoy working Christmas why can’t people ask me about it?

I am childfree but work for a uni (in a non teaching capacity). People assume I get all the time off that students get.

Sorry you are tired from it all. I get it.
But also that's probably what all teacher's say it's like a greeting! They are not going to change it thinking oh wait does so and so parent work full time darn I shouldn't say that...

So you assume that anyone who works over Xmas has had a chit Xmas. And you purposely don’t ask them …. Gawd, you just don’t know “people” … do you.

I think it's just what people say. Doesn't mean anything.
My kids don't have half terms so it hasn't come up, but I'd file it with 'hope you had a great summer' tbh. Conversation filler.

But OP even if you have to work most of it, often with kids half term is a bit easier as there's no extra curricular clubs to have to fit in etc?
I get it because i had to work most of it too but genuinely it felt a much easier week than usual as didn't have to spend my evenings ferrying to sport or dance or whatever.
And tbh its just a bit of harmless chitchat and you sound really bitter and jealous of those who had time off. If you wanted you could have booked 2 or 3 days of annual leave?

I work every single day. Including weekends. At least 12 hours a day, sometimes 18. The last day I had off was Jan 1st.

People always ask me if I've had a nice weekend and what I got up to and I tell them I was working like I do every weekend and they ask me again the next time, in an endless cycle.

It doesn't bother me at all. I actually think it's nice because I see people complaining they have to go back after Christmas or whatever and it's all the same to me. If it bothers you, maybe find a job that gives you school holidays off.

I fee your pain. I worked full time and our company gave us a ten per cent pay cut to reflect the tough conditions out there - and colleagues were furloughed and on the life of Riley, so angry.