To be annoyed at 'hope you had a great 1/2 term'

[jacketBandC]

Like most full time working parents I work most of the school holidays.
I've done it for years. I am also a lone parent. I have struggled with it. It is how it is and I get on with it.

Book club - 6 women. 3 work full or nearly full time, 2 work term-time, 1 home educating.
Every sodding school holiday we get a "phew...made it to the end of half term/term...can't wait for some time off" from one of the term-term workers.

My sister who KNOWS my situation was "Oh lucky you getting 2 weeks for 1/2 term".

I've had 2 emails from school today saying they hope I had a lovely 1/2 term.

Actually, I had one day off which was nice. The rest of it was just more juggling than usual, so nothing lovely really.

I used to get a little bit irritated by this too. I could never really take any time off in half term. Not allowed to as it is in the middle of the University term. Not when the sentiment was aimed at large groups of people, but when people said it to me individually year after year and couldn't seem to remember that University does not do half terms!

The hilarious thing is that I still get it a bit now when my DS and DD are 21 and 22!!!

The vast majority of us have to work school holidays and try to make 6 weeks annual leave cover 13 weeks the kids have off. Most people do a mixture of taking it in turns to take days off with the children, getting grandparents and other family members to help and holiday clubs. It's not an unreasonable assumption that most people will make at least 1 or 2 days of time to spend with their DCs. Pull yourself together and stop looking for offense where there's none

so one person said it and because they forgot you weren’t also term time.

and the school wishing you a happy half term…. see it like wishing you happy holidays (and you may not be going on a summer holiday) or enjoy the weekend (but you are working all weekend)

I work term time only and I think YANBU. I sat around till 11 in my PJs and caught up on some house jobs and it was bloody great. Yes i was tired beforehand and benefited from the rest but I don't 'deserve' it in the way people imply, no more than another person doesn't deserve it. I remember being a FT working mother and it's relentless, Halloween and other special days are just more work and stress. I consider myself to be very lucky, I finish early every day and have lots of time for grocery shopping and housework. With 3 kids there is a lot but it's easily managed because I have the time. I still get exhausted after a few weeks but that's ok because there is always another long break coming up. I think FT working single mothers are the worlds most amazing people and should be given the high status they deserve.

There are 14 weeks school holiday. If I took a few days each school holiday I'd never get a single long break.

I am feeling it at the moment. 2 of my teacher sisters are pushing to organise family Xmas plans. I know they want to firm them up asap as this term is crazy for them. This year doesn't work well BH wise.

Thanks for the truthful responses.

stony silence from you then?

now i’m intrigued…a whatsapp book club group? So how does a discussion play out? the length of the messages must be enormous!

No a lot of people don’t have it off BUT most people take A/L when their dc are off school and a lot of people do something different/special over half term too. So what if they want you to enjoy it a bit!

The world is also set up to think everyone is off at the weekend.

It's amazing how little is acknowledged about those who have to work in the all places necessary to ensure others have a safe and happy weekend!

It's just one of those things. Annoying but not worth giving much thought to for me.

Surely there are some half terms that you take annnual leave and enjoy?

Yes if you’re going to over think it to this extent every conversation is a minefield.

Last year I was off for 3 weeks in June, lots of “oh I hope you had a great break”. I was in hospital with my DS for a planned but major operation, some of it in paediatric intensive care. But I know people weren’t aware (I could have asked my boss to tell people but I didn’t really feel it was that important) so I just replied “actually most of it was spent in [name] hospital with DS but the op was a success so we’ll be off a bit later this year.” For some clients with a sense of humour I might add “…and in fact it was still a bit more relaxing than [project x].” But I totally understand their assumption and I would probably have asked the same.

Honestly life is too short to get a chip on your shoulder about this. If you want to feel better why don’t you briefly explain to colleagues “the kids enjoyed themselves but actually for single parents like me it can be really difficult and mean more juggling when schools are closed and the kids are off more.” Maybe they might think twice about asking someone next time or have a bit more insight?

Well I hope you don’t wish anyone a merry Christmas.

For myself (or my old self, when my kids were school age) I never found the day to day school stuff much of a hassle. Working out arrangements for half term was definitely more of a hassle. And while I had nothing at all against general group "have a nice half term" messages i did get a bit irritated when year on year individuals in individual conversations with me couldn't seem to remember that I couldn't take holiday in the middle of the (University) term for half term.

We often used to have a quick weekend away though, or even just a special day trip, so the kids felt they had done something for half term.

What do you want them to do OP? Tailor each email to each parent, taking what they have been doing over half term into consideration. You're being 'that' parent and being ridiculous.

I am a single parent also, to 4, don’t work term time (nurse so shifts etc) as do most people who don’t work in schools, perhaps people assumed you took it off with your kids? I did I had a lovely 2 weeks away first time in 6 years with my kids. It’s not unreasonable to think you might have had some time off. Seems a weird thing to get all crabbit about. Just say oh I wasn’t off I need to save annual leave for whenever next you’ve booked it…It’s tough being a single parent I get it, but it’s not people who aren’t, or people who do get better holidays fault that it’s tough juggling it alone….

I always get my own back by telling teachers constantly that they are lucky to have have easy jobs amd lots of paid holidays and good pay for what they do, which is mainly babysitting, showing years-old PowerPoints presentations to kids instead of the ancient OHPs our lazy teachers used to use, playing BBC Newsround and printing the kids off dodgy Twinkl worksheets. You can find a hundred ways to insinuate these things if you're creative and bitchy enough.

OP I think you are getting an unnecessarily hard time

It is annoying but it is really just small talk.

I have teacher friends who talk about time off as if we are all getting the same bit we just laugh about it

I was a nurse for many years…worked over Christmas/New year many, many times, still enjoyed it though!

I work in a school, not all of us have term time only contracts. It is a bit frustrating at staff briefings when the deputy hopes everyone had a break and is refreshed and you are like, no I was the one in sorting the refurbishment of the boys urinals actually. Also a lot of the teachers are thinking what break you said I had to do x, y, z so I did that.

But I think sometimes people mean nice as in, I hope your childcare went smoothly and your child didn't have constant meltdowns.

I work full time, I take my annual leave when DS is off school, I had to work some of half term but not all of it. I had a lovely time. Lots of people take leave in the school holidays or plan things for the weekends during that time. It's small talk that would apply to lots of people.

Perfectly Normal for me to ask working parents if they survived half term 😂

They are making pleasantries. You are taking it way too personally. After I've drop the kids to school in the moy the head wishes me a good day. I don't tell him it's going to be a shit day because I'm going to a funeral / to visit my nan in a nursing home / to clean a house that will be a shit hole within 10 minutes of the kids return ect
They are making niceties. If they don't apply to you just smile and move on.

Nobody is rubbing your face in it.
The children are at home for a week. Some parents are able to spend more time with them, some aren't.
C'est la vie.

No we meet in person every month or so and we also communicate via WhatsApp.

I often say to people that I hope they had a good half term
... or a good Christmas/Easter
... or a good weekend
... or a good week
... or a good summer

I don't always keep up with everybody's exact timetables. Perhaps they were working. Perhaps they weren't. I'm just generally hoping their life is nice.

As someone who works weekends, Christmas (including Christmas day), Easter and bank holidays, I think you're being ridiculous really. Doesn't even bother me when people ask if I had a nice Christmas when they know I've been at work (and that my Dad died Xmas day). I just respond with yes thanks 🤷