AIBU to limit the duration of the Christmas visit

[Grannyinnwaiting]

DSIL and child are visiting from overseas this Christmas. My elderly FIL and MIL live an hour away. They are coming to us for Christmas- no problem, we've a bigger house, I like to cook and we all get on. My sister will also be coming. I assumed they would come for 3/4 nights which was fine.

Now they want to come for 6 nights - we live rurally so thats a huge amount of shopping, catering and organising and I think I'll be run ragged. None of them really cooks so it'll fall to me. AIBU to ask that they return to the parental home after 4 nights. I don't want to be mean but I do want to enjoy Christmas

Nope not at all. I host family every year but with a strict time constraint. Just be clear and say we cant wait to see you but we also plan to spend some time doing some things as a family. So just ask whether they're gping to leave on the 26th or 27th so you can then plan accordingly

After the first Christmas debacle, when DH’s mum and sister came on Xmas Eve and casually mentioned to DH that they were planning to stay until after the New Year ( they only lived 40 mins from us!) I put my foot down and said we were only hosting for 2/3 days at most. Guests can come on Xmas Eve and leave either on Boxing Day or the morning of the day after. Admittedly that was easier to manage when we were working, as we had the excuse that we had to work between Xmas and New Year, but it’s something we’ve stuck to ever since.

I don't think YABU. Hosting and cooking for them for 4 nights is perfectly adequate.

And give them jobs to do, don't let them sit around relaxing and chatting the whole time while you run round waiting on everyone. Even if they can't cook, they can still peel potatoes, wash up etc. In fact, I would make it clear that while you're happy to do all the cooking, it's everyone else's job to lay the table, clear up and do the dishes. It's only fair!

Yanbu! I have hosted at Christmas and I definitely would want my house back after three days.

You are amazing for hosting at all, don’t feel guilty in the slightest

Oh god I can't wait to be back in my own home! Boxing Day is usually too late for me, I leave first thing on the 27th if spending it at family's. Just say that doesn't work for you.

Can you have #plans# for the other nights ?

Just say you’ve “got something else on 27th” (they don’t need to know that “something” is sitting in the clinch in your pjs)

Three days are plenty!

And can I just advise, delegate. We started a few years ago each adult took a breakfast, lunch or tea to be responsible.
I put partner in charge of all drinks and snacks.

I got everyone to text a list for my online ordering a then they sorted everything else.

It was a bit of fun and it made things fairer. But it also led to a lovely atmosphere and to be fair a little family friendly competitive fun.

This meant I only had one meal a day to sort, dinner and could enjoy myself more. And you know yourself its the headspace that is more tiring.

Honestly, everyone came back saying let's do it like that again. The majority of people like to make a contribution and participate.

6 days is absolutely too long. 3 days should be the maximum. 4 nights maybe if they arrive late and leave early.

i’m not clear
who wants to stay 6 nights? your DSIL and child? what does your partner think?

Her parents in law

It is entirely reasonable to tell them all that you love having them but hosting more than 4 nights gets tiring and you have other things you need to do.
also very expensive with the cost of food now but I wouldn’t say that!

Absolutely limit Christmas. If it's my Mum's turn (who I love dearly and get along with very well and helps with all the cooking etc) it is four nights absolute max. With my FIL (who is a lazy sod and does nothing to help and just moans) it was three nights last time and we swore that it will never ever be more than two nights going forward.

given your user name, presumably you have your own adult children?

AIBU to ask that they return to the parental home after 4 nights

really?

Well yes. Who else would be returning to the parental home other than a set of parents?

Tell them they are welcome for up to 4 nights but any longer they’ll need to find an alternative.

Also send out a group message so everyone knows how much to contribute towards food/drinks for their stay. They can’t honestly be expecting to stay and eat for free for a week?

Do they understand what its like to live rurally, and can you give them a list of stuff to bring?

My parents’ home is my parental home 🤷

Right. And these are the OP's husband's parents. So it's his parental home.

For me personally 2 days is absolutely enough, 4 would be v generous

huh?

ambiguous to me, hence me dropping a short question to the OP

TBH i only host Christmas day for everyone so for one night. Everyone arrives Christmas morning and leaves early the next day. I have parents and brother, SIL and their family. The first year we hosted my brother and SIL (before they had children) gorged themselves on my abundance of festive alcoholic cheer and were useful for nothing the next day. They actually went back to bed and announced that they'd heat their dinner in the microwave later. DH was absolutely fuming and that was the end of that. Now they come for one night, head home on the 26th. My mam is more than welcome to stay longer but she likes to get home, watch all the soaps she's recorded and catch up with her friends

You are not unreasonable at all, 6 nights and 3 night are very different. Yes to saying that you’ve got plans and maybe make plans in case your DH is not good with remembering pretend plans ( mine is not)
I also think that 3 nights is more logical - so they are sharing time between 2 houses equally, but it depends on time of arrival/ departure. With some people the morning of departure will easily drag into a whole day so 3 nights will be safer then 4 nights.

it is all dependent on the relationship

would i be happy with my sister and family staying for 6 nights? hell. yes!!

would i be happy with my fil staying for 6 nights? no

why… i am very close to the former and not to the latter