To regret having my baby

[scotchpancake]

I have a 5 week old baby who cries all the time and neither me or dh are coping with it.
We've been to the doctor and been told it's colic otherwise know as purple crying and there's nothing wrong and it will get better by about 20 weeks. he's only 5 and has been like this from week 1.
I honestly don't know how we will get through this.
All the time he's awake he just constantly cries and nothing with console him.
We try and stay strong but we're both so tired we end up snapping at each other.
I'm home all day and am exhausted.
I just keep thinking what have we done and how and on earth are we going to find the strength to get through it.
It's all day and all night.

Hate to say it but completely normal to have those thoughts it's the hardest thing you will ever do but I promise it gets better . What have you tried for the colic ? Any other symptoms? I found too much infacol made mine much much worse so I only gave it once or twice a day and used some gripe water . She did grow out of it she's 22 weeks now and asleep on top of me with a temp and I feel like the phase your going through was years ago it's crazy you blink and they have grown .

Was it a c-section birth? My daughter had similar with her second and third babies and visiting a paediatric osteopath helped. Best wishes xx

these are the front facing holds that people are talking about. Good luck OP.

Awww OP, I really feel for you.

If it's any help, my oldest was exactly like this. A really vocal (crying a lot!) baby that never slept.

He is 13 now and honestly the most wonderful human you could wish to meet (except his brother who is also fantastic!! Not that I'm bias!)

It DOES get easier. It really does.

Try and stay calm. If you absolutely feel yourself boiling up with frustration at the crying, put baby down is his cot safely and take yourself off to another room to calm down, breathe...

What used to help me in those early baby days was putting DS in the car seat and going for a drive. I used to feel free as he was in the back and i could almost forget he was there! The car was the one place he was relatively quiet and sometimes even slept! I'd just drive around for a bit.

It's so so hard, but it really will get better.

My DS1 was very intense as a baby and in all honesty, he continued to be a fairly intense toddler, pre-schooler and primary schooler. He was a chatterbox, intense emotions, never slept and was high energy from day 1. Once old enough (toddler) we found lots of sports (swimming, toddler football, visits to the park etc..) really helped and as a result he became a pretty good competitive swimmer primary school age.

Now age 13 he is quite placid! Quiet, thoughtful, gentle and really easy! He's been a delight to watch growing up!

Your baby will eventually stop crying! He will eventually settle, he will one day sleep, and when he's secondary school age you will look back on this time as a distant memory.

Try and enjoy the small moments - his cuddles and his gorgeous newborn smell, little tiny hands, and how cute he looks while he sleeps (when he does!) x

I promise you, it gets easier

Err no - colic does exist - but in my experience it has distinct features, not just endless crying. Ours clearly had griping stomach pain - holding them so they bent in the stomach area certainly helped. And it was at certain times of the day. Evening with DS1, late afternoon with DS2. Started week2/3, gone by 12. With DS2 we discovered colief which seemed to help.

@Negangirlxx I have a 12 week old and i felt exactly like you. I cried the whole time in the week before DH going back to work because I thought I couldn't cope. I did cope. I was totally fine.

Make sure DH still does his bit when he goes back to work. Mine had ideas about sleeping in a separate room etc. No way. I made it clear I need help settling baby and at night etc and he just needs a strong coffee. Someone on mumsnet told me all newborn dads are exhausted too, he'll be fine. We quickly settled into a routine where he helps me until 4am and then at 4am he goes in the next room to get 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep (i.e. without a baby grunting and squealing in his sleep next to him).

YOU'VE GOT THIS. It gets progressively easier. I can almost contemplate having a second baby now!

If I could give birth to a 3 month old, and skip the newborn bit, I'd have 10 babies.

Please don't take your baby to a cranial osteopath. It's quackery at best and, at worst, babies have died from it.

My friends baby was diagnosed with colic but it was actually silent reflux and the baby needed omeprazole because gaviscon did nothing (same with me when I was pregnant). Their baby cried loads and couldn't be laid down etc.
It does also get better. It's always so hard at the beginning because they can't tell you what's wrong so they just cry.
You're both tired and it's all new and stressful and uncertain, give yourselves as much grace as possible. Rest as much as you can. Tag team where possible so you can take it in turns sleeping.
If you feel that there is a medical issue keep pushing with the GP/health visitor etc. Keep trying. It's so hard to diagnose these things in young babies so they often fob you off. Another friend had a baby with colic but it went away with a lactose free formula, so there are other options to try.
It won't be forever but these times are incredibly draining and emotional.
Also my sister cried insanely as a baby and couldn't be led down, diagnosed with colic but it was actually physical trauma from the birth - she was seen by a craniostopath (sp?) and it made a world of difference.

Crying peaks around weeks 5-8. Mine was a combination of colic and reflux and it was awful. I started several threads on mumsnet on how I couldn't do this.

Honestly, c section and caring for a newborn are the hardest thing I have ever done. Hands down. Awful.

It gets better, incrementally. By 12 weeks they are the cutest little things and the crying goes down a lot.

I’m so sorry OP. I had a refluxy baby and it was bloody hard work. I really thought I had ruined my life for a long time after he was born.

I promise it will get better. I can say when or how it will improve but one day this will be a memory and you will be rested and you can marvel that you made it through.

It is HELL on earth. Both my babies had very bad colic. Fir my eldest it actually lasted 14 months. I couldn't consider doing it again, only did because everyone absolutely assured me that second babies were always easier. He was not and it happened all over again although different.

Their dad worked 2 hours away so couldn't help at all during the week. My family lived abroad, both his parents worked FT. I was on my own.

The emotional drain was unbearable. The mix of lack of sleep, extreme feeling of helplessness not being able to take my adored baby away, the stress on the senses.

I remember fantasizing throwing my eldest through the window. I knew I would never do it, but just imagining it was a very small release.

What saved me:

• trying, always trying to find a treatment. Despite the frustration when one didn't work, it gave me a purpose.

-Always holding my babies and reminding myself that at least they were not alone in it. I cried many times carrying them, it helped to let it out.

• the occasions when I just couldn't do it, I left them to cry. Not often, only in utter desperation. Ultimately, these times didn't traumatise them, and I had to accept that at this stage, it just had to be done.

-Crying and sobbing to my mum on the phone with baby crying next to me. It distracted me. -Never ever going to baby group. Seeing mums happy with their smiley babies was not something I could cope with. -joining internet forums with mums living the same. OMG, did that turned out to be a blessing!

With hindsight, I can say that it made all of us stronger facing adversity. My babies turned out to be the easiest toddlers, and nothing was never as hard after that time, so I found managing difficult stages much easier than other mums.

My children, now young adults are amazing. I can't ever imagine my life without them. I still look back at this period with anguish, will flinch at the sound of baby music, but I would, without a doubt, do it all over again to have them.

Good luck OP 🍀 🍀 🍀

My daughter had hiccups in the womb - please take him to a cranial oesto trained in working on babies - I promise you will see a difference after one session. Babies necks get compressed in the womb and it has a knock on effect on the nerves to their stomachs, they can also get neck issues - these are both things so much so that BUPA used to pay for this sort of stuff to be sorted when my kids were little.

Thank you.
It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in this.

It’s such a scary, and overwhelming thing. DH is doing a fair bit still, but I’m trying not to bother him too much in the night. I know he needs to be as refreshed as possible before work. He does help me out when I’m struggling.

We had to keep ours upright for 2 full hours after a feed. That was hard but it did help.

OP also just to add we brought our baby to a well known chiropractor here that treats babies it turned out a lot of her problems were caused by trauma at birth her skull wasn't aligned right you could actually see it it was an extremely fast delivery and there were a load of knock on effects from that, she had three sessions only a minute or two long to align things and the day she finished she came home and slept for a couple of hours as if she got relief we noticed a difference then might be worth looking into or an osteopath x

Cranial osteopath. It costs a fair bit in our area (45-60 pound per session) but it was the best money we’ve ever spent. DD had so much tension in her neck, cranial sorted that. You might find baby is tense and in pain which is why they are crying. Our professional also helped diagnose TT.

The peak of newborn crying - intensity, frequency and duration - is in weeks 5 to 8.

I think one thing that's hard is that everyone has a idea of why your baby is crying - the feeling that there HAS to be an answer. And sometimes there is, and sometimes there isn't.

It will get better, as everyone has said, but it must seem like a nightmare for you now :-(

Don't know if anyone else has mentioned this:

https://www.cry-sis.org.uk/

Cry-sis Helpline - 0800 448 0737 - Lines open 7 days a week 9am - 10pm

Forgot to add- as well as allergies our boy had tongue tie, so he was swallowing loads of air and was low-key hungry all the time. HCPs kept telling me he was fine and sending me to these breastfeeding support sessions where they'd tell me to stack cushions under him and repeatedly try to correct the latch until they had to attend to someone else. We ended up paying to get it cut at 13 weeks.

I remember calling my mum when my son was 5 weeks and crying hysterically down the phone to her saying I wanted her to take him away. Feel terrible saying it now because he's an absolute dream at 7 months, a really beautiful boy who I love to death.

are there any other symptoms that might suggest a milk allergy? Our little one suffered with reflux and wind and screamed and screamed and screamed . Very hard to cope with because nothing I tried could help him. Eventually figured out the cause, removed dairy from my diet but you could just change formula and i have a super content baby now. I wish I had figured it out sooner.. My GP and HV didn't really seem to care and blamed 'colic'

See a different doctor. Mine were all shite - it was the health visitor who finally diagnosed reflux and put my baby on Gaviscon. It was really tough for 6 months - I had her in the sling all day - only when hubby came home or friends came to visit did I get a break to sleep. It’s really really tough and you need help. Do you have family or friends who can help out? Someone to hold the baby while you sleep?

Also also (sorry I keep adding stuff because your post has taken me back to being in the trenches with mine), make sure you check for little stuff. Hair wrapped round finger. Scratchy clothes label. Our son runs very cold so sometimes he'd scream blue murder until you put an extra vest on him. We were terrified of overheating him because of all the SIDS messaging, but I emailed the Lullaby Trust about it (that's how scared I was) and they said all babies are different. He also used to scream and scream for seemingly no reason then we'd change his nappy and find his little balls were stuck to his thigh and he'd stop crying as soon as we detached them and powdered him.

Do you have a good coffee cup? I have a Contigo one that doesn't spill and it was good for those times because I'd make a lovely coffee or herbal tea and it would keep it warm throughout the day. It felt like I had something for myself that wasn't ruined. (I sound so dramatic but that's how it was.)

Will your baby sit in a bouncer? We used to put ours in one and put Dancing Fruit on YouTube. It kind of hypnotises them. I try not to do it too much but even now if I need to wipe down the kitchen or something it keeps him quiet and still for 10 minutes. The Happy Song by Imogen Heap is also some sort of witchcraft that stops them crying and is great for the car.

Don't worry about just pushing him around in his pram crying too. I used to think people were judging but actually when you have a baby you learn that there are so many lovely understanding people out there.

Once again, cranial osteopathy is quackery. It has no scientific basis, there is no evidence it works, and it has killed babies.

The term colic is ability BULLSHIT. It means a baby that won’t stop crying because they are unhappy for some ‘unknown reason’

i wish people talked more about possible reasons:

cmpa from cows milk in formula milk

reflux

allergies to things in mums breastmilk (my son was later egg allergic and I realised I had been breastfeeding and eating lots of egg) same thing possible with cows milk

uncomfortable from birth, needs cranial osteopathy

unhappy gut from c section birth - needs pro biotics to give gut balance back

@scotchpancake I had the same life some 15 months ago, our much wanted ivf baby, easy pregnancy, terrible birth, terrible first few weeks.

He had cmpa and needed to he on omeprazole and special formula. I even took him to a&e as he just cried and cried, whimpered in pain, was terrible. "Colic" was silent reflux and the pain of acid coming up his throat, led to him being contact napped for a very long time, as he couldnt lie flat in the crib tol we got his formula right and the omeprazole right. He's now eating dairy at 15 months, not been on omeprazole since he was 11 months and no more formula again since about a year. I cant believe how hard it was bit we are through it and although we remember it, we don't feel it if you see what I mean.

They give the basic dose of omeprazole at fjrst but it needs to be based on baby's weight, it did nothing for him at first then when he was put on right dose he was a different boy, as opposed to a pitiful little guy red with crying, such a miserable new born:( wish I could go back and do things quicker but you learn as you go with first.

To add my son also couldn't be in his buggy with the bassinet setting as lying flat meant the acid rose and burt his throat, had to go next bassinet up that could be tilted slightly and put blankets under his bum to stop slippage. It really affected our mental health too as there was no newborn bubble we read about and expected, it was just slog, and heartbreaking seeing him so sad.

I haven't read the whole thread but are his poops OK? My son with cmpa never had rashes but his poos were frequent and very loose and mucousy. London health visitor wasn't worried but Scottish one was when we moved and got us on the right formula, was like a new boy.