To regret having my baby

[scotchpancake]

I have a 5 week old baby who cries all the time and neither me or dh are coping with it.
We've been to the doctor and been told it's colic otherwise know as purple crying and there's nothing wrong and it will get better by about 20 weeks. he's only 5 and has been like this from week 1.
I honestly don't know how we will get through this.
All the time he's awake he just constantly cries and nothing with console him.
We try and stay strong but we're both so tired we end up snapping at each other.
I'm home all day and am exhausted.
I just keep thinking what have we done and how and on earth are we going to find the strength to get through it.
It's all day and all night.

Oh yeh and colic isn't a thing. It's a sympton, not a diagnosis.

I don’t have any advice but my DD is nearly 4 months now and she was/is the same. She is incredibly high needs and will not be put down either. I was BF but was finding it all too draining with a toddler too so switched her to comfort formula milk. I have heard good things about goats milk formula too. I promise it will get better, mine has been much more settled the last few weeks.
If you haven’t already i’d see an osteopath and also get her checked for tongue tie by a specialist but otherwise just know that it will get easier and it won’t be like this forever.

There were nights I had to put dd in a cot and stand outside. It is so so hard. It does get easier. But know you are not alone.

The health visitor was great but she says it's colic and will pass. He's gaining weight and no other symptoms.

Both of mine were the same (both with reflux) and it is so, so tough. I feel your pain OP. Pushing the pram over bumpy ground was the only thing that even slightly soothed mine, so I’d spend hours and hours pushing them backwards & forwards over the rockiest terrain I could find! Same with rocking them - I’d have to jiggle / judder them to sleep (trying to mimic that rocky movement) - if I rocked them smoothly they would scream all night 😳

maybe try changing the bottles, we used Tommee Tippee ones to begin with but one of our twins was having horrible reflux so we changed to MAM and it instantly stopped.

See an osteopath to help.

Could also be reflux.

My youngest cried from 7pm to 11pm every night even though there genuinely was nothing wrong. Would only sleep during those hours if carried or rocked vigorously in his bouncer!

Try colief drops or a lactose free formula, see if it makes any difference.

It's hell on earth, I've been there twice!!! The days are long and the nights are longer!!! But they do pass!!xx

Hang in there OP, those first few months weeks are fucking brutal. DS had terrible reflux and infant gaviscon did nothing but then he was prescribed proper meds (omeprazole IIRC?) and it made a big difference, then he grew out of it anyway and sleep gradually improved. Now he’s 7, sleeps beautifully and is a joy, but my god was it tough back then, I still shudder to think of how exhausted and miserable I was. I promise it gets better x

Gripe water? Feeding and keeping upright, and slightly raised when laid flat/sleeping ? Hugs also this must be very difficult x

Was your baby born by caesarian? We were told our daughter had colic but she had actually suffered a neck injury at birth. We saw a specialist osteopath and she was a different child after 1 session.

Mine had colic and reflux OP, and I remember this well . She would sometimes settle stomach to stomach with DH sitting on the sofa with a dressing gown over the pair of them. We have photos of this - it was such a moment when she finally settled. Said baby is now 25! Hang in there - I remember the first three months being the toughest, and then things got much better.

Dd was like this she had silent reflux and cmpa.

Change your baby's formula to Hipp organic. My baby was on Aptamil and it caused her wind that made her cry all the time. After we changed her to Hipp Organic her bowel movements were more frequent and she was much happier. Wishing you luck! I promise it gets better. Xxx

Colic is not really an answer. It just means they are crying lots but you already know that!

Do consider allergies or reflux. Push the GP to let you explore one or both.

Some things you could try:

• infacol. My eldest struggled to bring up wind and it helped.
• changing formula in case it is an allergy (but you say no other symptoms)
• does baby take a dummy? Some babies need a lot of sucking for comfort. One of mine liked his dummy to be tapped gently and rhythymically until he nodded off (no idea why - suggested to me by someone and it worked)
• keeping upright during/after feeding in case it is reflux. Will baby tolerate a carrier if you pace?

Do you have anyone to give you a break? Everyone needs sleep. crying babies are brutal.

Hang in there It will.get better. Focus on surviving.

In addition to what others have said, get yourself some really good earplugs or noise cancelling earbuds. They are a lifesaver when you just need to turn the volume down.
We did sleeping in shifts, and tried to get at least 4 hours in a block each per night. That really helped. I always slept in sleeping earplugs during my sleep shift.
edit to add. Please don’t think you’re alone in thinking “wtf have we done?” It’s sooooo common. I also didn’t really feel bonded with my baby by 5 weeks, it took longer than that. And they don’t give anything back at all at 5 weeks, they just take, and it makes it so hard. It took longer than 5 weeks for my baby to get comfort by me cuddling him, and for me to work out what did help and what he didn’t care for. It won’t be long until your baby is sleeping and smiling and this phase will feel like a lifetime ago 💐

My heart goes out to you, I remember feeling this exact way. A horrific time. For DD, it turned out she had CMPA. Gp and HV were useless - kept saying colic, I had to push every step, you’ll get through it though,

Its an ordeal, congratulate each other for getting through it all the time.
My first DC had swallowed meconium and had colic for months. Constant crying. She slept with her cot at an angle (feet at base so no sliding under covers), could not lie down to play for tummy time or on back without being sick, constant muslin cloths near to catch sick. Sat unaided early, but didn’t walk until 14 months as she developed neck strength earlier, but not being able to lie flat reduced rolling movements. The constant shrill crying calmed down a bit at 6 weeks, she was much better at 4 months when she could start a small amount of baby rice. Although she was much better on solid diet, she couldn't have yoghurt until after 1 year as couldn't hold it down.
Then no issues at all, I assumed she'd be damaged but she was fine and obviously has no memory of it.
DC 2 no issues at all. Another mum in the maternity ward in hospital had a baby with the colic cry. I knew the cry, high pitched, relentless. I felt so bad for her, as I knew what it was like. My DC 2 slept constantly and we were discharged nice and early.

Keep going OP I promise it ends! X

My baby was originally on cow and gate formula, the health visitor said his unhappiness and crying could be CMPA. But the prescribed Aptimal Pepti made him miserable... I eventually tried him on SMA and the difference within 24 hours was unbelievable, a completely different baby, he was so happy and content. My biggest regret so far as a mother, and he's now almost 2 years, is that I didn't try a different formula sooner.

I've asked the health visitor about milk allergy but there's no other symptoms so he's not met the criteria for referral to the dietitian and the hypoallergenic milk is only available by prescription.
We were told to try comfort milk by one health visitor which we did but then another said to stop now he's on gaviscon but neither seem to have worked anyway.

THIS
Colic as a diagnosis only exists because they're not allowed to just put a shrug emoji 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I do urge you to look into silent reflux and CMPA as many others here have mentioned, OP. Sending massive solidarity. My first was a screamer like this and it was horrendous. Second is also a bit refluxy but absolute bliss in comparison. Good news is that things will improve with time no matter what but that does you no good now - please go back to GP and ask about omeprazol/dairy free formula.

Google baby massage techniques for colic. It is amazing and works wonders.

https://www.google.com/search?q=baby+massage+for+colic&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari

Gaviscon a load of rubbish!
Try and see if you can get a sure start volunteer if no help from friends and family. It's really hard, but it does get better, I promise.
Take shifts if you can xx

Hiccups are a sign of silent reflux aren't they? Sorry she's 6 now so I forget the particulars.

I would go back to the GP and say you've tried the gaviscon and it hasn't worked so you need something stronger. There are options.

If you suspect silent reflux, don't just infacol as it can make them worse.

Mine screamed all day and I kept being told it was normal. I knew it wasn’t. We have since found that has multiple allergies and was reacting to his formula as well as stuff I was eating. He was gaining weight fine so nobody was very interested. GP wouldn’t refer us until I complained to the health visitor and she brought it up in their monthly meeting. Now we have a lovely dietician and an allergy clinic appointment next week. I’m on a special diet so he doesn’t react to my bm and he has a hypoallergenic formula.

If you push one of his poo nappies together and pull it apart, do you see strings?

You could buy a couple of tubs of Aptamil Pepti 1 online (I think chemist4u is where we got ours?) and then try it to see if there’s an improvement. Then you reintroduce old formula and assess what happens. Ideally you wouldn’t do this without the guidance of the GP, but screaming all day isn’t normal and I’d be tempted to do it under my own steam. (I am not a doctor or qualified to give medical advice, just going on my experience.)

I couldn’t cope with the screaming and had to wear noise cancelling headphones. It was unbearable.