To regret having my baby

[scotchpancake]

I have a 5 week old baby who cries all the time and neither me or dh are coping with it.
We've been to the doctor and been told it's colic otherwise know as purple crying and there's nothing wrong and it will get better by about 20 weeks. he's only 5 and has been like this from week 1.
I honestly don't know how we will get through this.
All the time he's awake he just constantly cries and nothing with console him.
We try and stay strong but we're both so tired we end up snapping at each other.
I'm home all day and am exhausted.
I just keep thinking what have we done and how and on earth are we going to find the strength to get through it.
It's all day and all night.

Same for my middle child, I wish i’d have tried going dairy free as I was bf but this could be the problem. My DS used to vomit aswell as cry

Big hugs...you will get tbrough this. Try cycling his legs....helps move gas and get a 2nd opinion. It is really tough.

they make you try gaviscon first even though it’s useless and doesn’t help. Omeprazole helps, you need to go back to the gp and get a script for that.

other things you can try is inclining the cot slightly - we put books under the legs at one end. Lying completely flat can make reflux worse.

Not the most helpful thing to chip in with but you can buy hypoallergenic formula otc from a pharmacy but it's a whopping £50 a tin. We did it for DS1 when we were absolutely desperate and when it started working, we pushed to have it prescribed. This was SMA Alfamino.

Oh and re baby gaviscon:; it's nothing but a thickener and a rubbish one at that. To thicken formula, Carobel is much better. Ultimately though, only lansoprazole got DS's reflux under control. His was particularly severe, I feel like I could write a book on baby reflux at this point.

I hope it everything settles soon OP. My DS2 is 10 weeks and also very unsettled. We take the night in shifts. I think his problem is gas though and not reflux. Sending you good wishes. We'll get through this!

This sounds hellish, and I'm so sorry. I had many moments of regretting having my baby when she was small. She is now nearly two, and an absolute joy- I haven't regretted having her for a very long time.

You are not being unreasonable, but it WILL pass, and until then do whatever you have to do to survive: wear noise-cancelling headphones, go out for a walk and leave your husband to deal with the screaming for a bit, ask family and friends for help.

I also found deciding I was one and done helped me, as I could keep telling myself I would never have to go through this bit again.

@scscotchpancake I had the same with my little girl and it was awful. I've your using formula try and change to apitimil anti colic. It was literally a game changer for me. Suggested it to my next door neighbour also when her baby had colic and it helped with hers too. Hope it eases up soon!

My youngest was like this, the GP prescribed omeprazole after gaviscon did nothing. It made a world of difference! He was much much happier and settled after that. It’s awful, and it’s absolutely no help at the time but it will get better I promise! X

'Not the most helpful thing to chip in with but you can buy hypoallergenic formula otc from a pharmacy but it's a whopping £50 a tin. We did it for DS1 when we were absolutely desperate and when it started working, we pushed to have it prescribed.'

Ours is on Alfamino now, but Pepti 1 is a little more affordable as it's a hydrolysed formula rather than an amino acid one. We still saw significant improvements on that and it's what the GP would prescribe as a first- line treatment.

www.chemistdirect.co.uk/aptamil-pepti-milk-powder/prd-3id4

Go back to GP and get infant gaviscone, your baby has reflux and is in constant pain.. both my DC has this and the crying stopped almost instantly when they got the gaviscone put in their milk..if gaviscone doesn't work then an emergency appointment with a pediatrician to get Ranitidine.

When babies are born their tummy valve is like a jam jar, open wide, so the milk and stomach acid is going back up.

Mine really did have colic and it was awful but improved dramatically after 12 weeks. It usually does (not 20 weeks). Honestly, it's hell on earth but it does pass. You need to get through it and then life seems so much easier when they're older!

Going through this is awful, but please understand it is only 5 weeks in. I'm sure it feels like an eternity but it will not be like this forever and it will pass. Hang on in there and follow the good advice here.

Don't know if it's already been suggested but I wouldn't just leave things as they are and take the doctors word for it

I would pay to go see an infant feeding specialist and if they can't help an osteopath

Just trying to get to the bottom of the problem will help you and help baby.

Even if the doctor is right and it's colic, they don't have a crystal ball, nothing is to say that it will last till 20 weeks.. they couldn't possibly know

I came on to also suggest paying for cranial osteopathy. The NHS will not provide this treatment, but it will be effective if you can afford it.

Good luck OP, you can do this. It's such a shock to the system.

I had this, it really feels like you're living in some sort of horrifying altered reality. It is torture seeing them in so much pain, with nothing you can do about it.

But it will pass. After trying all the usual things, my baby was finally moved from breast-feeding on to soya-milk by a pediatrician. I don't know if that turned things round or if he just grew out of it, I've never been sure. But it did pass.

He's in his 40s now, diagnosed with acid-reflux which he takes medication for, but he is happy and well.

Don't get gaviscon, it only masks the symptom. You need to get the cause which very much sounds like cmpa. Go back with your DH (they listen to rather than eyeroll men) and ask for neocate or a similar completely dairy free formula. Don't get fobbed off with a hydrolysed one.

OP it's so hard. You poor things.

Do press for more help from your HCPs.

What helped: skin-to-skin and warm baths with baby on chest. Lots of it. Craniosacral massage. 'Tiger in the tree' hold - drape baby over your forearm.

It will get better, it will be okay.

Get some loop earplugs

Oh bless you. Our baby had colic too and it was awful. I felt as though I was losing my mind. The best thing that helped us was seeing a cranial osteopath. I'm not really into things like that normally, but I was beside myself. The osteopath specialised in babies and was amazing. We only needed 2 sessions and our son was so much calmer afterwards. I had a very traumatic childbirth and the osteopath explained that such births can often cause babies to be a little misaligned, so she did some gentle work on him and the difference was very noticeable. He also like to be swaddled and we switched to Dr Brown's bottles with Colief. Good luck. I know it's so hard when you're in the thick of it, but it will pass, I promise.xx

Arghhh you’ve just reminded me how much I would dread a red light at traffic lights and keep moving the car backwards and forwards!

Also echo what people are saying about a sling. Mine hated lying down, I found a comfy (Sula) sling which positions baby’s legs in such a way that I’m sure it’s good for releasing gas - and I made sure I got outside. The walking motion would sometimes soothe him a little.

Try not to be hard on yourself; accept every offer of help; don’t put pressure on to clean or cook or tidy (that can wait!); sleep when baby sleeps; ignore any other parents you know who have babies who sleep and don’t cry (trust me, they will meet their challenges one day too)! You’re doing as best you can in a really tough situation !

Sling! A comfy soft stretchy one

A cranial osteopath massively helped our children with colic. Also laying them along your arm on their belly and gently rocking them seemed to help too. It’s crap and tough and you are likely to get better advice from the health visitor than the doctor as she will be able to advise what has worked best for others in her experience. If you haven’t got an assigned health visitor ring your surgery and ask to speak to one.

Get DC tested for cows milk protein allergy (can get in via breast milk if you’re breastfeeding but eating dairy yourself) and reflux.

Hang on in there, OP. It does get better, you will sleep again. I promise.

OP you must be sleep deprived and exhausted. This period will pass. Zoom out slightly out of the situation and think also it's very difficult right now - how extremely lucky you are to have a child. It's a miracle literally.

I'm sorry OP, that sounds really tough. Headphones might be your friend here. A baby's cry is designed to be hard to listen to, use modern technology to your advantage.

Split the nights so you both get some sleep and put some music or a podcast on through the day whenever you need to. You can still meet your LO's needs, they won't care if you're listening to something nice at the same time