DS made racist comment at school

[ellie09]

I have a DS age 7 who has ASD and he struggles quite a bit socially.

I am utterly appalled and ashamed by what I have heard this morning. This wasn't any thing directly to me or by the teacher.

DS apparently made a comment to a girl in his class saying he "didn't want to play with her as she has brown skin". This apparently blown up in a private group chat on WhatsApp that I was not aware of. I hadn't had any communications from teachers or other parents, so I was confused.

His best friend at school is a Muslim boy and his granny is Brazilian. He has grown up around different skin colours from a baby. We have had a serious conversation today in which I have told him he must apologise to this girl tomorrow.

However, I am also angry that this has been put on a WhatsApp group before anybody has even spoken to me, I assume the teachers aren't even aware. Of course, this has caused outrage in the group chat (and rightly so!) but I can't help but feel this was wrongly handled by the other parent as this is a group of 7 year old children and issues like this can escalate very quickly.

How do I handle this moving forward? Do I request a meeting with the head teacher and make them aware of the incident etc?

I feel really sick at the thought of walking my child into school tomorrow, knowing that most will be judging based on what they have heard.

Btw, I'm not in the group chat - screenshots were sent to me by another parent.

Yes and I think some posters should do the same with regards to disability.

Could it be that your DS has actually spent some time with someone who is racist OP? Perhaps heard another kid in the playground say something similar, because they've perhaps heard a parent say it? Maybe it's worth asking him where he's heard someone say something like this? Just a thought. I hope that you're able to put this matter to bed without any further nastiness from anyone toward your son, as he clearly doesn't understand what he's done.

People can choose to identify how they want however autism is a disability by definition and is recognised as such in law with the protection that it brings.

It's not reductive. It's a statement of fact.

Absolutely! It is literally a disability, by law, and I have no idea why anyone would argue against that. I'll say it again. Autism is a disability.

Unless an official group of some sort I would not be part of that sort of WhatsApp group if I was that TA. I do work in a school in a similar role. If part of group (which I think unwise) no comment and report to SLT. Then, if sensible, should remove self from the group.

Very well said. As an autistic mother, with an autistic child, I really respect your comments here.

Agreed.

I suppose that's up to school to decide as literally anyone can make a group - it's not really able to be policed. I do think parents need reminded though that issues with individual pupils should be dealt with the parent or the school directly, especially about issues like these, as they can escalate quite easily

Yeh I don't actually agree with @DizzyDandilion - if the member of staff is a parent, it would also be unfair to exclude her from a parent group.

That said, the moment anything inappropriate is said, the member has a responsibility to report it, not ignore it (or worse still, contribute to it).

If any adult in school had been aware of your ds saying this, you would definitely have heard about it.As you haven t , you can only conclude it is childish hearsay.(Children lie to their parents a lot! If i had a £ for every time a parent came in with a cock and bull story their kid had told them , i would be vey happy!)
I would message the parent and ask them to retract the message on the board immediately or she will be hearing from your solicitor.

I guess I have always been ultra careful. There was a time where I was a parent, member of staff and a governor...
I will report anything I see on public forums to the school and avoid unofficial school related WhatsApp/ social media like the plague!

Have you ever read 'This is our house' by Michael Rosen? A great, simple picture book about a boy saying other children can't play for a variety of reasons: they have glasses, too small etc etc. That could be a good way into a calm discussion about how his behaviour (if he said it) was not ok. He's 7 and autistic. I think everyone needs to calm down, including you. Yes it's horrible for the girl on the receiving end, but parents should not be attributing adult motives to this.

Which is fine to do; that's your choice. But it's also fine to be a part of these things IF used appropriately and ready to do the responsible thing if necessary.

Even the Head of a local prep school is part of a parent whatsapp group with the other parents in her year group; her child is in the year group.

Hopefully, as member of staff on chat group it will have been reported to the school already.

Is it worth your job being part of a toxic group?

I would ask the person who showed you the screenshots from the WhatsApp group to post a message, saying that you have been made aware of the situation over the weekend and that you're planning on discussing it with the school tommorrow. They don't need to know anything else.

I muted a WhatsApp group like this for a similar reason, a child injured another child quite badly at school but they were both 6 for gods sake, and children went home talking about it and the group blew up discussing a 6 year old. It made me very uncomfortable and I muted it.

This was only posted on Friday night, so I doubt it. I messaged his teacher on the school app privately today to make her aware and will be seeing the head tomorrow to make her aware also, as any adult should be.

This is why I avoid school group chats like the plague. Any official messages I need are on the official school app

You say if… so the victim must be lying because we can’t bare the thought that he may of actually said it. OP has said when she asks her son he bursts into tears… if he didn’t say it why would he react in such a way, he would simply deny it or say “no that’s not what I said, I said xyz”.

Op will have to wait and see. If she hasn't said anything the it's misfeasance in public office. She will be looked at as part of the problem.

I would say absolutely not...I wouldn't be able to deal with the stress of it either as this group obviously being inappropriate with chat.

Crikey! He’s a young boy with ASD. His social skills might not be how they should be. He’s made a mistake & has faced the consequences of this. He’s not even able to deal with the consequences & is crying incoherently. Mum is totally on it. No need to put the boot in.

So what you’re saying here is that you prefer to rely on the ‘some of my best friends are disabled and they say it’s fine’ defence than to actually listening to the perspectives of the real disabled people in this thread telling you about their feelings and experiences? Can you hear yourself right now?

I’m beginning to suspect you’re on the windup here. Either that or you’re the worst kind of performative ally. As you might say, do better.

Don't be so naive she works at the school she has information about all the children. The headteacher will have kittens if he/she found out and they were giving out information or with holding information. She could lose her job that's how serious it is she's not some little teaching assistant she has your child.

He has been upset all day since I spoke to him about it. He had drew the girl in question a card and even cried to me and said, "I don't know that colour to draw her because I don't want people to be mad at me". He drew them both out playing holding hands.

I have also tried to prepare him for the fact that the girl may not be willing to forgive him straight away, and he needs to let her ask him to play when she is ready.

He asked me before bed, " I hope all my friends don't hate me tomorrow" which absolutely broke my heart.

He knows what he said is wrong and hopefully his apology and support from the school for both my DS and the girl involved will bring a nice resolution to this with no lasting impact.