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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

16 month old assaulted should i have expected more support from the police?

190 replies

Absc · 10/11/2024 00:56

Feeling shaken up tonight a drunk person hit me, pushed my 3 year old over and my 16 month old who was in his pram she pushed the pram over i couldn't do anything to stop it happening. He did hit his head on the floor.

We have spent four hours at hospital who have said they don't think he has any significant head injuries. He has pre existing conditions that mean any head injuries have to be seen in a&e as he has false signs already for a bleed in brain etc so signs to look for concern are already there on him. At five months old he had an emergency mri with drs thinking he had a bleed on the brain.

This was at a family event. The attack was by a completely unknown person who doesn't live in the village. It took the police 33 minutes to attend. The dispatcher said they were coming from the local station 4 minutes away. By this point the woman had now disappeared. She had made further threats of harm - she had told people apparently we were pushing in and that's why she turned around and hit me then went for my children. We were in fact trying to find my son's friend who had walked off and with 400 people there it was difficult to see. The organisers were in the main area where we were heading to ask for assistance.

I don't know if i'm in the wrong but i feel very let down by the police not attending until too late, they said that they would have no chance of trying to find the person now and would only look if someone had significant injury. To me this is clearly a very volatile person and this happened to us they could well do this again. They said they would call in a few days time to check the child has no further injuries. My other child was literally telling the police that he had been pushed over by a lady and that she had chucked a drink at him. Police response we don't need or want to speak to the child.

Or is this now what society has turned into and is it normal to go to family events and have aggressive people / drunk people at 6pm in the evening.

OP posts:
Avatartar · 10/11/2024 09:02

I’d be angry at the police not just empathising with my child rather than say don’t need to speak to your child whilst they were telling the officer. Police should have acknowledged child’s upset and said sorry this happened to you were getting the full details off mummy.
They should at least have validated the child’s feelings ha otherwise it leaves a thought that you’re overreacting and should expect to be treated like that!

GoldenPheasant · 10/11/2024 09:02

Gman0206 · 10/11/2024 06:17

I'm sorry buy why didn't you cave that person's head in? You don't wait for the police to come and sort of conflicts. The police in this country are severely understaffed and seriously struggling to recruit, the force is pretty much running on fumes running to and from the same wife beaters and junkies who cause issues all the time. That woman got away with hurting your baby and child, you would have got away with defending them too.

Maybe she was prioritising the welfare of her distressed children, one of whom has what sounds like quite a dangerous condition?

Simplelobsterhat · 10/11/2024 09:02

People are being really weird about this...
Of course you were right not to 'deal with it's yourself. How absolutely horrific would it be for a young child not only to be hurt by a stranger but then instead of being comforted by their mother watch her being violent and almost certainly arrested. There are a couple of very worrying people on here if they think that would make them a superior parent...

And of course you were right not to take a 3 year old to a&e if you have loving relatives who can look after him instead. Some people really do look for any way of piling on the mum guilt to OPs that they can.

And it's perfectly believable that no one stopped this woman. Just because there were 400 people there doesn't mean 400 people saw it happen! And for the presumably much smaller number who did clearly see what happened and who was at fault, would they all know how / be strong enough / free of small children they need to look after enough to physically restrain a woman. And know how they stand legally doing that? No, if, as it sounds, she'd stopped being violent and was leaving the site I'm afraid I'd let her and leave it to the police as well. Different if someone was still under threat, being hurt, etc, but it sounds like it was probably over quite quickly. That probably makes me a coward / bystander etc but I think most people would have similar reactions.

I'm sorry this happened to you OP. It sounds very scary. And although I'm not surprised that the police took a long time / aren't following up, it isn't right of course.

Rosscameasdoody · 10/11/2024 09:03

Yalta · 10/11/2024 08:47

Would they?

At this point if you got rid of the body I very much doubt it

Someone at the event would inevitably have filmed it, either that or a random CCTV camera. So they would come for you at some point.

TerryKirby · 10/11/2024 09:04

SwanSong1 · 10/11/2024 07:07

It's not life or death for heavens sake.,

why did you quote the opening post? If there is ONE post we have all read - it is this one

TruthAndTrust · 10/11/2024 09:06

Op hope you are feeling a bit better.

Not the issue being discussed I'm amazed that the village has a police station especially one manned on Saturday night?

TerryKirby · 10/11/2024 09:07

Absc · 10/11/2024 07:29

Grandparents live by us i am
a solo parent and didn't think it was appropriate for me to take him into a&e knowing we wokld be there for 4 plus hours and that environment isn't ideal. I didn't want him seeing saturday night drunk people, or any distressed children / teens in a&e.

@Absc those of us with working brain cells knows exactly why he would have been better off with GPs - please dont feel you have to answer every nit picker here. You will be here all day!

I hope you and the children are as ok as possible. What a scary experience

GoldenPheasant · 10/11/2024 09:07

Yalta · 10/11/2024 08:11

If it takes that long then there is a problem with the whole system

Maybe if they actually investigated all crimes it would actually make their jobs easier because only a tiny percentage of people actually commit most of the crime

Why are they waiting until someone is actually killed or seriously hurt before doing something

My car was stolen by what I was told was a prolific car thief. When they found it the guy had left his mobile phone and glasses in the car.
Along with a lot of other identifying stuff

Police were not interested. They would rather waste time filling out 3 lots of paperwork each week (the amount of cars he regularly steals)than spend a little time taking this guy off the streets altogether

Did you try escalating this to a senior officer? I suspect they would have ensured it was taken more seriously.

housethatbuiltme · 10/11/2024 09:10

TreeCake · 10/11/2024 05:51

I really cannot understand why you’re doubting the OPs post at all. She’s quite clearly had an absolutely awful thing happen to her and her children and you’re picking holes in the story. Even if they’d intervened, what would they have done? restrained her for 30 mins until the police arrived?

Lets say its a fireworks event as someone suggested, we just attended on last week.

Almost everyone will be either young teens who attended with friend or parents with young children themselves.

I can honestly say if I am out with my kids I am not putting them in harms way for anything, especially not as this person already just attacked children. Me getting my own kids injured or killed by going after an aggressive person after the fact will not 'fix' anything and its a 'moral high ground' I don't need to be on.

Its actually worrying that some other people here are claiming that they would endanger their own children to go after someone.

GoldenPheasant · 10/11/2024 09:10

Yalta · 10/11/2024 08:47

Would they?

At this point if you got rid of the body I very much doubt it

Don't be ridiculous. In front of 400 other people?

LIZS · 10/11/2024 09:11

Did you request an ambulance too? If they knew there were injuries they might have come quicker.

JasmineTea11 · 10/11/2024 09:12

Police don't 'prefer' to do hours of paperwork, they loathe it.

It's required by the Home Office that they record everything on several different (antiquated) systems.

The response time here was proportionate. Bear in mind there will be about 4 officers, in two cars, covering a large area.
They are constantly being called to immediate harm domestic violence incidents and people trying to kill themselves.
Understandably, they're priority jobs.

If the British public don't like it, guess what? We need to pay higher taxes and spend more on policing and criminal justice system. But its always 'schools and hospitals' because people prefer the sound of that.

Yalta · 10/11/2024 09:14

Rosscameasdoody · 10/11/2024 08:18

Maybe you should actually read what that poster wrote and stop blaming the police themselves for the lack of resources they’re forced to work with.

There resources though are being wasted by not actually investigating people like the prolific car thief who is probably responsible for the 26 car thefts in my road alone

That is at least 20 lots of taking calls from people who have had their car stolen, 20 lots of paperwork. It would hardly take rocket science to find out who he is. He left his phone and name and address in the car.

But they wouldn’t know that as they didn’t do any “testing”

Instead more and more cars have been stolen. More and more calls and more and more time, money and paperwork to not achieve anything.

My issue is that when he kills someone they will suddenly spring into action and actually maybe do something

Except that will involve even more time and even more expense.

That is where resources are going

GoldenLegend · 10/11/2024 09:15

Theunamedcat · 10/11/2024 08:16

Put it out on social media asking for witnesses?

This. Whichever social media this event was advert on. Someone will know the woman.

BourbonsAreOverated · 10/11/2024 09:16

Horrific stuff happens every day that doesn’t make the news that really, probably should.

@Absc im truly very sorry this happened to you, and I’m sorry the police weren’t able to respond properly. If you feel able, please do complain. We should receive better

Yalta · 10/11/2024 09:19

GoldenPheasant · 10/11/2024 09:07

Did you try escalating this to a senior officer? I suspect they would have ensured it was taken more seriously.

But then it would be too late as I had to drive the car back and the “crime scene” would have been disturbed.

It was more than likely a very senior officer who said to not investigate unless there was a death or significant injury

Yalta · 10/11/2024 09:22

Rosscameasdoody · 10/11/2024 09:03

Someone at the event would inevitably have filmed it, either that or a random CCTV camera. So they would come for you at some point.

At this point I very much doubt it

Friend recorded her now exh assaulting her and the police told her it meant nothing as they could have been reading from a script

funinthesun19 · 10/11/2024 09:26

sel2223 · 10/11/2024 07:19

Why do I feel like there is more to this story?

Even if there is, the children didn’t deserve to be violently assaulted.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/11/2024 09:26

FedupMum2024 · 10/11/2024 02:03

If anybody, man or woman, drunk or sober, had deliberately pushed my pram over with my 16 month old baby in it there would have been no need for police attendance,
I would have personally dealt with them myself in the most illegal way possible.
this would have been instinctive I am afraid.
I just cannot believe that you and all the other onlookers allowed this vicious evil animal to just walk away from this.

I imagine OP was so shocked and so worried about picking up and protecting her two small children that she didn't have a free hand to thump th aggressor with.

I think it's more a pity that others didn't intervene and give this woman a kicking stop her.

sel2223 · 10/11/2024 09:35

This reply has been deleted

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sel2223 · 10/11/2024 09:37

Honestly, this thread is the perfect example of pack mentality.
It's like the witch trials of the middle ages, someone says something and it's just blindly believed without question.
I hope none of you are ever called up to do jury service.

Tahlbias · 10/11/2024 09:48

I hope you're ok this morning OP?

NigelHarmansNewWife · 10/11/2024 09:57

sel2223 · 10/11/2024 09:37

Honestly, this thread is the perfect example of pack mentality.
It's like the witch trials of the middle ages, someone says something and it's just blindly believed without question.
I hope none of you are ever called up to do jury service.

If you think the OP is a troll then report.

sel2223 · 10/11/2024 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

user1467300911 · 10/11/2024 10:09

I hope you are feeling ok this morning @Absc

What an absolutely awful thing to happen 💐

There were clearly a lot of witnesses so I hope that the police get their act together and this violent thug faces the consequences of their actions.

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