Boyfriends kink

[Kneebonefuture]

So kind of a rude one, so I won't go into specifics. And he's not my boyfriend, he's an old fling who has been a friend for 15 years, and we were kind of thinking of getting together, but no idea how to word that.

I've always known he had a slightly kinky side, nothing mad just a little bit more adventurous than me. However he has recently revealed a kink/hobby? That i never knew about, he seemed totally ashamed and called himself a loser, a weirdo and dirty. Its really not my thing, but I don't like to judge, so just said it wasn't anything to be ashamed of and laughed it off. Hes since seemed to take that as a green light that I'm also into it. Constantly referring to it, bringing it up and fitting it into conversations that hold no relevance. And even sending photos. Should I just call things off with him, as it doesn't appear we are a match or just tell him I'm not into it, how would I even word that? Please no nasty comments, I'm a really shy and introverted person and get confused with boundary setting occasionally. Thanks 😊

You can't give him hints. Consent - whether to pictures, sexts or intimacy - to people like this is the absence of No, not the presence of Yes. That is not your fault, he is coercing and manipulating you into his kink, but now you know that you need to be blunt with him. He is going to bulldoze over anything else, because the only thing that matters to him is his own gratification. He is not your friend.

Re suicidal threats, it's his responsibility to keep himself alive not yours. Forget the softly softly approach and tell him to FUCK OFF!!!!

Op you need to be totally blunt. Tell him straight. My long term partner has some political views I disagree with and when the subject come up I stright say ' I will not talk with you on this topic. I do not agree with your views although you have every right to hold them as an individual and talk to someone else about them. Just not me as ai do not want to talk with you about this'. You have to be direct. Set your boundaries with no grey areas. You are currently being coy around this with him and he might be thinking you are playing some weird catch me if you can game with him. The longer you drag this out the worse it will get. Message him and ask him if you can speak in the phone then say exactly what you mean to him. No grey areas or saying, Im not 'sure' im into that, or I dont 'think' im into that. No grey areas.

Is it a cock cage? That’s the only thing I can think he’s wearing which you’d be embarrassed to name…

This is a toxic situation, OP. Please end it.

Make it clear you don’t consent to these communications.

This would piss me off, mainly becuase I eould be thinking ffs I have enough to do without managing your penis as well. Manage your own bloody penis.

So him saying he was "ashamed" was totally BS. He is not ashamed. He just wanted an opening for the topic and now he has created one, he will just keep pestering you untill you give in.

I'd say, dump this manipulative asshole.

Embarrassed on an anonymous forum. Nah.

Agree.

This - no need to make it into a drama, if it is a simple misunderstanding. But if he keeps pushing, you may need to end contact.

But why are you still talking to this man? He's manipulating you, knocking down all your boundaries, sending you photos that you find repulsive, taking no notice of your reaction... Why are you putting yourself through this?

He/she/they/them/fido are enjoying it?

Yes, that's definitely what it sounds like.

If part of his fetish is being degraded or breaking a taboo with shame connotations then he's getting off on messaging you about it.
Either he thinks you are into it to and he's excited.
Or he thinks you are repulsed by it. And he's excited by that.
Or a combination of both.
Either way he's really not thinking about you as much more than a prop or facilitator.

Is it anything that involves hamsters

He's not your friend. He's a manipulator that's scouting for somone to indulge his fetish, and it's fine to be clear and say it's not going to be you. You've hinted you're not interested, he's pushed it, it's time to be very clear that you don't want to hear anything more about it, to be honest I wouldn't want to salvage a friendship with this person, never mind pursue anything further, so I think telling him you're no longer interested in him on any level would be appropriate and he can be on his way to try a few more doors hoping someone will take him in.

He's not interested in you in any other capacity than an accessory to his kink.

I haven't said I was repulsed by any photos. I simply don't want to be a part of it ans he seems to think its ok to make me a part of it and the pushing on boundaries is giving me the ick.

After the message earlier I said are you trying to include me in this? And he said do you want to be included a little? Which really pissed me off again because why is he doing it when he doesn't already know the answer to that question. Surely you get the answer and then go from there, not skip that step. Hes really gone down in my estimations. Hes never been pushy or forward before so this has come out of nowhere.

Rethinking how to word this next message as I dont just want to say thanks but no thanks I want to tell him hes a creep and not a good friend and I don't appreciate him trying to take advantage of my kind nature.

Hello Derek

I think that due to your inability to read the room let alone gain explicit and ennthusiastic consent to involve me in your fetish for xxxxx I've realised that our friendship is not something I want to continue, let along progress further. I wish you all the best with your mission,

Many thanks, Kneebonefuture

Omg op just tell the fucker to piss off.

Thank you. Great suggestion and straight to the point. The lack of reading the room is hitting the nail on the head.

Does he dress up as a nazi?

🤣🤣🤣

Bugger. There's no GIF for Nazi's.

I've sent this.

Tbh I'm not sure where the confusion has come from, fair enough I said there was nothing to be ashamed of and there wouldn't be any judgement from me, but knowing me you'd already know that, you know I'm not kinky, you know I'm very shy, why on earth would you keep pushing and pushing on this topic? Unless you just don't care about my comfort levels. I'm beginning to think it isn't something you're ashamed of, if it was you've done a very quick 180. I don't see how we can remain friends and have normal conversations again since I'm always going to be on edge and I don't deserve that.

And I've just blocked him, so he can't have the last word. I'm petty like that.