To believe that people should stop expecting special treatment for “food preferences” (not allergies) at events?

[TheCoralReader]

If it’s just a preference, it’s on you to manage. AIBU to think events shouldn’t have to cater to everyone’s diet choices?

Plenty of variety is key, and making sure dietary needs are taken into account. For example, Joe who is gluten intolerant and Betty who is a vegan, yes. There should be enough variety and options for ordering a special meal to accommodate. Pam in accounting who doesn’t like onions or mushrooms, no.

People should also pull their thumbs out of their bum and be able to eat a vegetarian meal (with vegan options) without complaint. I went to a vegetarian wedding awhile back and the food was fantastic - lovely roast spuds, roasted veg, lentils and beans, salads, wood fired pizza van and a nacho bar. Not a quorn burger in sight. I eat meat (we farm and raise our own animals for meat, but we still eat vegetarian 3-4 days a week). Even the weirdos who think they’ll die without a burger can survive one meal with a chickpea curry and rice with some naan and onion bhajis.

I often try to do the all day breakfast menu as I can usually get eggs with a gluten free bread, if nothing else. Usually there are more options though. I was recently travelling and a cafe had just stopped their breakfast menu. I asked about it but they directed me to their lunch menu and asked what I'd like. I just told them nothing as their gluten free options were not also dairy free. Everything had cheese of some kind. Fortunately I was able to find something down the road. I was travelling with a group so, for want of making a couple of poached eggs and a piece of bread, they lost a big sale.

Yes, exactly.

I only eat fake meat if there’s no other option.

I’d be fine with it. I don’t have any moral or religious objection to eating a chickpea. Everyone can eat vegetables.

Grown out of this thankfully but for several years I couldn't have cheese. Eating out I couldn't believe the amount of things that had cheese in.

I can't imagine hosting an event and not wanting to know what my guests are likely to eat. I hate food going to waste and also feel its an important part of hosting to ensure every guest is fully fed and satisfied. If I ordered/prepared food on the assumption that everyone was omnivorous, or even assumed a 5% vegetarian rate, there would be a hell of a lot of uneaten food AND hungry guests and that would make be stressed and upset. This would be true whether it was 4 guests or 400.

Among my circlr of friends I know a disproportionately large number of vegetarians, quite a lot who need gluten-free at different levels of sensitivity, someone who can't eat many vegetables due to IBS, people who avoid dairy, someone who hates mushrooms and someone else who hates aubergines, and a vegetarian who utterly despises and abhors goats cheese. People have different lists of which meats they are happy to eat and which they don't, or are only meat-eaters if they know the meat comes from a high-welfare source. If I wasn't up for understanding all these preferences I wouldn't host.

May department has only served veggie food at work events for years, and there is always a vegan option too, and a glutenfree one by request. Lunches are often things like falafel, couscous and roast vegetables; pasta salad with feta; or asian noodle salad with tofu. Veggie/vegan food really doesn't have to consist of 'fake' versions of meat and a decent caterer knows that.

Not true. My MIL has horrific IBS issues if she has things like chickpeas. She mostly eats easily-digested carbs like rice and potatoes with meat and can tolerate small amounts of some vegetables like carrots but absolutely cannot digest pulses.

I think it is a disease of abundance.

The first time I went to the States, nearly fifty years ago, I was amazed at the abundance of choice, the size of the portions both domestically and in restaurants, the whole ‘harvest festival’ atmosphere all year. I came from a reasonably prosperous middle class background, I worked in a profession which used high end restaurants, but I had never seen anything like the US food.

I was also astonished by the ‘faddiness’, the extraordinary number of ‘intolerances’, the expectation that caterers should be willing and able to accommodate a vast range of tiny differences. It was the coffee shop sketch extended across the board ( pun intended).

And it’s much more like that here, now.

Do you mean veggie and vegan or do you mean 'I don't like carrots and I only eat meat if it is poached' etc?

If you're hosting an event you're being hospitable, which means caring about people's experience.

I cater for a lot of church events (up to 80 people), and try to get dietary requirements in advance.

In general, I will provide a veggie option (we are about 10% veggie in the demographic I cook for). I will also provide gluten free as we have some people with coeliac and IBS. Other allergies, if they tell me. I will try to chat with anyone who has said they are dairy, to see if I can use butter (eg in a sauce). I won't dump cheese on anything unless it is clearly a cheese dish. I will put grated cheese on the side.

If I'm baking, I will label the food as dairy/gluten/eggs. I'm not a confident gluten-free baker, so will buy in free-from biscuits (not great, but I'm working on it).

I label all food with the 14 key allergens, and any other allergens people have told me about, but I will generally avoid using nuts at all.

I went to a 50th recently where they didn't ask about dietary preferences/requirements. I didn't tell/remind them that I'm gluten intolerant because the same family had had a similar event the year before and there was plenty I could eat on the buffet.

But this time it was all sandwiches, cake and pork pie type things! Literally every item had wheat in. I had to slink off to the venue cafe and discreetly buy and eat a baked potato.

Personally, I'd always a) ask and b) provide a choice.

I'm not going to die if I eat gluten but it's not very festive to give a guest a choice between having diarrhoea for the next day or being hungry is it?

It was my fault though really to assume the events would have similar catering. I should have asked.

At a recent event for mains I offered 5 options, one was vegan, one was fish, one was chicken (was also gf), one was pork and one was beef (also gluten free), only one person struggled with the options because all had vegetables included, well tough cookie for that! I had checked food allergies prior and knew we had 2 meat eating gf, 1 pescatarian, 2 vegetarians and 1 vegan. Honestly some just whine about everything (specifically the whining person wanted to know if they could have a chicken risotto as they didn't like the more traditional English dishes for meat and fish, no the only risotto was mushroom!)

If it is a large event and you have a good caterer you should be able to cater for allergies as well as some preferences. Re preferences it should be foods people have to avoid because they can’t tolerate them (which is different to an allergy). You shouldnt have to cater for Susie preferring green beans to broccoli but in my circumstance onions and apples won’t kill me but if I eat something with them in I will suffer from really severe stomach cramps within about 90 mins so I avoid them. I try to avoid when selecting food options on the day if I haven’t notified before hand. If I can’t I just suck it up. I know it is extremely awkward and have many years of having to go without.

theeyeofdoe so I'm stupid am I? Thank you so much for informing me.

Vegan for over 50 years. But stupid, according to you.

Never mind the fact that I have very high level academic qualifications, run a successful business, am extremely healthy, above average levels of bone strength. Probably know far more about nutrition than you ever will.

But stupid because I choose to avoid contributing to animal cruelty and exploitation as far as possible.

Cheers for the insight into my stupidity.

I think it is a disease of abundance.

The first time I went to the States, nearly fifty years ago, I was amazed at the abundance of choice, the size of the portions both domestically and in restaurants, the whole ‘harvest festival’ atmosphere all year. I came from a reasonably prosperous middle class background, I worked in a profession which used high end restaurants, but I had never seen anything like the US food.

I was also astonished by the ‘faddiness’, the extraordinary number of ‘intolerances’, the expectation that caterers should be willing and able to accommodate a vast range of tiny differences. It was the coffee shop sketch extended across the board ( pun intended).

And it’s much more like that here, now.

What a strange point of view. Surely the whole idea when you're catering for an event (if you want it to be as successful as possible) is to provide a range of food that as many people as possible will eat and like? So why wouldn't you cater to a range of common preferences?

I thought the guidelines were now to wean between 4 and 6 months now, because waiting too long increased the risks of allergies?

Agree with a PP who said too much choice, And so what if you don’t like it? It’s one meal, get over yourself.

It would be so great if we started having 'the meat option' and four interesting meat-free options at things. When you're veggie or vegan you usually just have to eat what you're given.

I'm a former veggie, when I started eat meat again I found it hard to deal with the amount of choice on menus, after a decade with only having one or two options.

I agree with you OP.

My DD (16) who is a committed vegetarian was invited to go on holiday abroad with a friend, and they stayed with the friend's non-English-speaking grandmother for a few days. My DD decided before she went that she would simply eat whatever was put in front of her for those few days, and absolutely not mention being a vegetarian. She didn't want to inconvenience someone who was kindly hosting her. I was impressed by her maturity and consideration.

My son is 23. The guidance was to wean at 4 months, it changed after he was born and my younger 3 were all weaned at 6 months and beyond, so no idea what advice said 6mo 30 years - also paeds nurse so aware of weaning guidelines etc

i am dairy free and ibd so there are things i just do not eat, makes me ill also not keen on some vegan and /veggie if its highly seasoned/spiced. I tend to stick to fairly plain or bland foods fish/chicken and am careful about what I eat so it doesn’t make me unwell. I can be somewhat boring in my eating but I’ve never asked anywhere to accommodate me, I just avoid things I can’t eat. I might mention in a more intimate setting like family or close friends but if they couldn’t accommodate I’d just not go to save them hassle tbh,

@TheCoralReader This whole thread has absolutely proved your point with the number coming forward saying what they will and won't eat and what they want to eat and others saying you should eat what we have.

People do love to moan about vegan food bring UPF. Only the substitutes are. But regardless, isn't the average britist diet made up of over 50% UPF ? So people are probably eating UFP anyway.

I'm vegetarian and am seeing more places now offering great veggie ad vegan food. I'm hoping people are learning. But I don't mind fake stuff now and then, just like meat eaters who eat ultrprocesed meat.

Yes I agree, any buffet, work function etc I have attended that didn’t have table service has been a sea of beige ans UPF, with the odd sad looking carrot stick and chicken legs with wet, boiled looking skin.

Well - it is not the case that there are only two extremes - a mere ‘preference’ and - at the other end of the scale for extremity- an allergy such as might result in copious vomiting and potential anaphylactic shock. Perhaps people don’t want to explain their private medical circumstances but don’t want to lie either and say it’s an allergy.

For example, a friend of mine has something called esonophilic eosophogitis which causes swallowing difficulties. It is often treated by oral steroid with nasty side effects. They still don’t know huge amounts about it but think it’s triggered by reaction to some foods. No allergy tests work as it doesn’t function the same as other allergies. . My friend has managed to come off the drugs and gone into remission by avoiding milk products. He’s not ‘allergic’ - won’t die if he eats them, but long term will cause problems.

Perfectly ordinary people get nasty things too - it’s good to be kind to them as they miss out on so much.