To believe that people should stop expecting special treatment for “food preferences” (not allergies) at events?

[TheCoralReader]

If it’s just a preference, it’s on you to manage. AIBU to think events shouldn’t have to cater to everyone’s diet choices?

No great surprise to me. I don't imagine they're in the majority but older people in the workplace regularly report here on the arrival of a recent graduate who seems to think they can pick and choose which bits of the job they do on the grounds that some of it makes them a bit nervous (i.e. 'gives me anxiety'), they've always managed to avoid it before and have always been indulged on this point. I have two close relatives with clinical levels of anxiety. I know how tough it makes life. But both of them have managed to hold down jobs and get on with life by developing coping strategies and taking medication when necessary. Avoidant behaviour is not the answer.

The more recent vegan options at work events have been very odd. Cauliflower and chickpea in a roll but called buffalo something. Cous cous in a wrap. Fake coleslaw.
The non veggie option was mackerel (bleugh) one time.
I now try to have own options.

How rude, you, not the guest. The guest should certainly have been catered for. In this instance the majority were veggie, but surely the same premise could be used if there were 7 meat eaters and one veggie..... It's one meal ffs!

But meat-eaters don't only eat meat! Surely it's perfectly normal for most meat-eaters to have, for example, a cheese sandwich?!

What on earth is fake coleslaw? I get that you'd have to use vegan mayo in coleslaw, but surely the rest of it is already vegan anyway?

I feel like 75% veggie options with maybe a couple of limited meat options would be a good idea - there's loads of yummy vegetarian food out there!

They can probably cope but if they're invited to some sort of celebration it might be nice to include it. 75% veggie and a couple of limited meat options would make sense.

It had scant dressing, massive chunks of raw cabbage, no onion, and mushy shredded carrot. Maybe not fake but subpar. Cheapo.

Also seeds, wholegrains, nuts, rice, bread, pasta, vinegar, oil, herbs, spices, sugar - almost everything. Lots of people have meals all the time which are vegan but we don't even think of it. Beans on toast, for example, Marmite on toast, hummus and pitta, dhal and rice, falafel and salad, or a lovely vegetable broth packed with barley and split peas or lentils.

I'm not a vegan and have never even tried being vegetarian, but we don't eat that much meat. I do think a lot of the problem with modern food is the processing and the additives that people are only vaguely aware they're eating. Ultra-processed foods is the current fashionable label. It affects food containing all kinds of ingredients, not just vegan food. Possibly people associate it with vegan food because there is a lot of fake meat and cheese marketed as vegan for people who for some reason can't face the idea of eating real food that just happens not to contain meat, dairy or fish.

I think there does need to be a couple of options.

Im generally not a fussy eater, with no intolerances or allergies, but one thing I’ve never liked or enjoyed is fish. I just can’t stand it. So if I went to an event where the only option was a fish dish, I’d be disheartened as I wouldn’t eat it… however I’d hope/assume there was a veggie option I could have instead.

But if we aren’t talking about food we don’t like/really can’t/don’t want to eat, and are literally just talking preferences, then no, it would be too faffy to cater for every single persons preference.
As in, I like beef, but I prefer chicken. So I don’t expect chicken to be served just because it’s my favourite. I will happily eat the beef.

The problem here is not that it was vegan but that it was very badly made. Some poeple who don't like mayonnaise or salad cream make coleslaw with a vinaigrette dressing, i.e. oil and vinegar. Sounds like this was aiming to be that but not carefully prepared. The cabbage needs to be finely shredded and the carrot had probably been bought in ready grated and kept too long before using. Not pleasant for anybody to eat.

Or it could be that food intolerances really have risen in recent decades? I heard that gastrointestinal cancers in under 50s have risen threefold in the last few decades, and scientists don't know why.

And those uncomplaining over 65s might well start complaining if you provided all vegetarian food!

They're rubbish,then. I've had good coleslaw that was dressed with an oil-based dressing rather than mayo. (I mean, I know mayo has oil in it, but this was more aligned to a vinaigrette but without much vinegar.)

The problem is that for decades vegetarians have been given shit food by chefs who have contempt for veg food - there's only one option on menu and it's mushroom risotto that's been frozen and microwaved and costs the same as an intricate meat dish.

Making actually good veg food is not a skill all cooks have!

Yes, that's a good point about the gastrointestinal disorders. I wonder if part of it is that treatment has improved to the extent that children who might have died very young in earlier generations have survived long enough to have children of their own so genes are being passed on at a greater rate. If I were a scientist (which I'm not, so this is just a hunch) I'd also be looking at the huge changes in diet of the last 70 years, massive swing away from cooking a simple diet at home to eating processed foods, low breastfeeding rates, the low-fat fad that started in the late 70s, low consumption of fruit and veg in some households, abysmal nutritional standards for school meals as budgets were tightened, and so on. Also overuse of antibacterial wipes, bleach etc meaning many children grow up with little exposure to common germs.

Agreed, but there are plenty of abysmal cooks who would ruin a meal with meat or fish in it too! It's an underrated skill.

Surely the meat eating person can have a meat free meal for once? Unless he's one of those ignorant "a meal isn't a meal without meat" types.

I do eat meat and it would not bother me if all the food was veggie friendly/

It's also pretty normal for people's digestive systems to get worse at processing various things as they get older - e.g. dairy (you make less lactase as you age). I've eaten dairy all my life, but am now at 53 pretty intolerant. I can eat butter and aged cheese (little lactose) and can manage a small splash of milk in my tea, but any more than that and my stomach complains. If I have a lot... well, it's not pretty. I just think that in the past, people used to say 'X food disagrees with me' rather than 'I have an intolerance'. But yes, the modern processed diet has probably messed with our digestive processes.

Nothing worse than overcooked fish. Tastes awful

This is the reverse of what I'd expect. What was on the vegetarian tray of food? It doesn't sound as if it can have been very nice if even the one vegetarian brought her own food to avoid it!

In my experience many people like to try a little bit of everything at a buffet. So if there were, say, two quiches - one Quiche Lorraine, i.e. bacon and cheese, and one broccoli and tomato - they might take a small slice of both. Lots of sandwiches cut in quarters - they might take a quarter each of ham and mustard, cheese and onion, egg and cress and prawn mayonnaise. And so on. This is why so many vegetarians complain that there's nothing left for them, but as people always point out on every thread like this that's because people who eat meat usually eat all sorts of other things too, so most buffets should have more vegetarian options than non-vegetarian.

Yes! I'll eat almost anything but I probably wouldn't persevere with overcooked fish.

We had a totally vegan conference at work. It was full of vegan dairy/ mayo/cheese substitutes which I didn’t realise I was intolerant to. I felt ill for a couple of days. yes vegan is fine if naturally based but not with novel chemical subs. I do add this as an intolerance now.

I'd struggle

This is such a kind and thoughtful response. I think people underestimate the difficultly navigating food choices sometimes and forget to be kind.

I recently learned that I am intolerant to gluten and dairy, and produce antibodies in my gut to the protein in gluten. This can cause severe inflammation (which it has), and long term, can cause serious gut complications, such as inflammatory bowel disease and digestive cancers. It's not to be taken lightly.

Many people in this category do miss out on nice things - even silly stuff like a cake at Costa is limited (GF brownie anyone? 🙄), so it's so nice to have a reminder to be kind about this kind of thing.

So thank you 😊

You eat meat at every meal? So breakfast, lunch and dinner are all meat based? That's very unusual these days.