To find this really fucking disrespectful?

[uuussse]

My mum will ask repeatedly when she’s seeing dd 3. I have had to say I’m busy five times this week because on five occasions she’s asked me if I will bring dd round on Saturday. We are already seeing her on Sunday!!!!

No she’s not senile. No she’s not lonely, she’s got my dad, when she’s busy she isn’t interested if I need her. I find it so fucking disrespectful. I’ve had many rows with her about doing it but she won’t stop.

I think the disrespectful part is not taking no as an answer to will you bring dd over on Saturday, 5 times… unless I misunderstood the post.

For posters like this... op is already bringing the child round to see her granny the next day? How often do you expect a parent to facilitate gp contact??? With a full time job and a home and things they need to do?

I think once a week is pretty reasonable?! Infact I'd even go so far as to say once a fortnight is acceptable too by the time you add in weekends taken up by birthday parties/facilitating other family/ kids hobbies/ messages and cleaning you need to do and wanting to have a day to go for a run somewhere as a family unit?! Where are parents meant to fit in the time for this?!

Yes I think it is disrespectful. Not in the asking, but in the not accepting your answer to her request. It is no different to a friend repeatedly asking you for a night out and you saying no numerous times and it not being accepted. People lead busy lives and it not always possible or convenient to fit in with others. Your Mum should be respectful of your time and how you choose to spend it. She is seeing your daughter the very next day so I don't see what the problem is.

I'd just have think about whether she is forgetting other important things.

My mum died unexpectedly when my first child was 12 weeks old. I don't use this to make people with difficult relationships with their parents feel guilty about setting some boundaries.

Firstly I'm sorry. Secondly thank you. I get a bit fed up with people trotting out this sort of stuff

A GC is not an object to be produced on demand. It's no better than a man constantly demanding sex.

Thank you! It was a very long time ago now and my children are adults with children of their own.

It's emotional blackmail to tell posters who have difficult or even abusive parents that they 'will miss them when they've gone', or they'd 'give anything to have their parents back for just one day', but they pop up on every thread where the OP is seeking advice about a difficult relationship with their parent(s).

Sorry to hear this about losing you mum. You are correct though. Just because other people have lost a parent or don’t have a relationship with them isn’t a ‘gotcha’ to be rolled out to expect others to accept crappy behaviour from their parents.

My FIL died when my son was 5 months old. Its sad that he never got to see him grow up and my DS didn’t get to know his kind caring grandad but that’s no reason to use it to emotionally guilt trip other people.

I think you are misunderstanding the meaning of “disrespectful”.

I’d certainly find your mum’s behaviour annoying though.

I agree that it’s disrespectful. She’s ignoring your perfectly reasonable boundaries.

Imagine if it was the other way round - if you repeatedly asked to visit with DCs even though she had said no thank you several times previously. That would be disrespectful to her, so it’s the same when she does it to you.

I am going to guess the OP is quite young. The misuse of the word "disrespect" seems to be used by lots of the youngsters on reality tv. The OP means she is finding it annoying and indeed it must be annoying that her mother keeps asking.

No, she means her mother is not respecting her time.

I’m going to assume you’re quite old, this patronising attitude is often seen in the boomer generation.

No, not a boomer just a grammar pedant.

I suspect that at some stage with its constant misuse and the fact that others allow it that it will indeed end up in the dictionary as an alternative meaning by common use.

Ah, just like the OP may not be ‘young’ then? Not good to assume is it?
And you’re not a very good grammar pedant 😄 what element of not respecting someone’s time is not disrespectful?

Oh dear!

When you row about it what does she say as a reason for doing it? I'd talk to her with a calm head and say that you know she loves seeing DD, but asking the same question again and again is tiresome and she should respect that a no is a no. She probably won't be receptive, but at least then with cool heads she can't play ignorant or proclaim she didn't know it was an issue.

You sound a bit self absorbed. Your poor mum.

I went no contact with my dad was I was about 14. he was just a nasty person, I didn't LIKE him. let alone love him. he was racist, sexist, homophobic, spiteful and just generally unpleasant. he was mostly okay to me, but I didn't like him. he wasn't the sort of person I wanted to spend time around.
when he was dying I was told by a lot of "well meaning" people that I'd miss him when he was gone, and I'd regret it if I didn't make up with him.
and guess what. I didn't make up with him. and I've never regretted it for so much as a moment.

and it IS disrespectful to her boundaries to ignore the fact she's said no MULTIPLE times. she is being disrespectful of her boundaries, and seems to think that by nagging her, the no will magically become a yes.

I said this before, but if this is unusual behaviour consider whether she is unwell. Has her husband noticed her forgetting things, for instance?

Your poor mum x never mind op one day she will be gone forever and won't be able to disrespect you ever again

A lot of projection in some of these responses. I am very sorry for anyone who has lost a parent (I lost my own DM when DC were very young) or has parents who don't want to be more involved with DGC, that's sad, but that does not mean OP should have to put up with being walked over and having her boundaries ignored, let alone be grateful for it.

Of course it is disrespectful for someone who has been told no to something to keep pestering and badgering until they get the response they want.

DM does not sound like she is deprived of time with DC if she is seeing her once or twice a week, and if she is ignoring your boundaries with this I wonder what other boundaries she ignores. I would agree with PP though that if this is new behaviour it potentially indicates a health issue.

.

There's always one.

Sorry your mum's dead but it's irrelevant.